As history tends to repeat itself we all quake in our boots as we meet for this weeks trail at Chilis bar and Grill inside the forbidden Capitola Mall.  A location that in Surf City’s history which dbased once set a trail through getting the pack chased by the paramilitary Mall Security. 

Those with no outstanding warrants that showed up include banana, Timmy!, PCP, Vince, bballs, Flaccid, Finger Nips, Dr. Nappy, Serial box, Swiss Army, Snatch.cum, CSI, Stupid Pussy, Tater Tits, Daddies Lil Helmet, broke bench, dbased, Annie, Hoggy, Jordass, Accu, Dog breath, Daddy Wb, Duhhhh!!!, Just Glenn, Norm, Pearl, Just Chris, Auntie Cumyma.

Smartly after leaving the bar, the Hares were considerate enough to point us in the direction they are leaving so no flour is tossed on the Mall property.  After hitting Capitola Rd trail finds a check at 38^th Ave.  After some confusion OnOn is called towards Sommerfield with an on-right.  We find a resident examining a trail mark with great caution when I inform her its just bread flour and the impending storm will wash it away.  She complains they just cleaned their street (isn’t that the Citys job?).  Accu makes an indecent suggestion that I don’t think the woman heard.  Check at Axford with trail taking a right with a trip behind browns ranch.  True Trail then went up 40^th ave, left on Gross Rd (which becomes Lotman), right on Malibu Dr. I think we hit the “stairs” after another right on Catalina, and into Coffee Ln Park.  Here we hit the shiggy and up a bare dirt face.  Finally on Madison Ln we find beer near at a location with a white rented cargo van.  Did I mention it was an A-b trail? Oh and Puff promised a ride back.  At this point my group of three find all the people that are supposed to be behind us at the beer check.  What happed I believe was at Axford the pack went left and an immediate right on Lotman to find trail.  DAMN.

In a backyard of Puffs friend, a backyard full of barrels of hazardous waste and broken bottles from hashers with lube covered hands we do religion.

Starting with out backslider Daddies Lil Helmet.  We didn’t miss Stupid Pussy but we missed her.  It is dually noted that if she put her hair up and more glasses we would have our own Sarah Palin.

Just Chris is up for his naming.  She tried to influence her naming by dressing stupidly on her 5ths.  Wonder if Shes a Woman is suggested. Tabled.

Snatch.cum is next for her Emails complaining that she cant take the bus and she gets too drunk after a whole 1 ½ beers.  Turns out Swiss Army is nice enough to give her a ride.

Finger Nips was our FRb for the night.  She is next and drinks out of the jiz cup.

Remember the comment Accu made to the neighbor in regard to flour? Well what I didn’t say was what he had actually said to the woman was his offer to wash the flour off with his man hose.

Another one of our backsliders is Duhhhhh!!! Where was she? Spending a vacation in Colorado running 12-16 miles in that thin air.  What fun…

Again PCP gets nailed for applying for a job as a paratransit driver.  He had an interview today.  After 83 years of riding the short bus he might now soon drive it.

Just Chris is called back for her naming.  Not sure how it was determined but her name? Cream Filled Twinkie. 

And the Hares…

OnOnOn everyone else peeled off for the Creepy Place but 5 of us stayed at Chilis.  Buttballs had a horrible joke that needed to be shared:

“Single guy looking for a streetwalker finds one and takes her back to his hotel. There she says “If you want to get really kinky, I have a glass eye, I can pop it out and you can skull fuck me.” So she does and he fucks her. He finishes and says “wow, that was really good, I’ll be back next week”. She says, “ok, I will keep an eye out for you”. 

Trail Map: http://www.everytrail.com/view_trip.php?trip_id=58049

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For the what I understand is SCH3s 3^rd Hash out of Davenport we meet at the Whale City bakery, which also serves as the only watering hole for miles.  Those that trekked up despite the fire burning at the Pogonip include:

Just Chrs, bumble balls, Daddy War bucks, Dr Nappy, PCP, banana, Puff MDQ, CSI, Snatch.cum, Finger Nips, Suck Cockran, Norm, Pearl, Capt Jack, Tiny Whiney, Auntie Cumima, Goldie CoXXX, Cumz Out Her Nose, Goat blower, bad Yeast, broke bench, Dog breath, Winds of Uranus, Take It, Flaccid, Just Anne, Jiz bollah.

Now as banana recollects past trails he tells me that basically trail can only really go two different ways.  The first time the Pack had met in Davenport the Hares took trail through private property and the Pack ended up breaking a fence and pissing a neighbor off. 

After circling up on Ocean  Street trail leads us to a check at Marine View Ave.  Some of the pack claims to find trail to the left but the rest of us find a hare arrow leading us to the right.  We see a little flour that looks like its going up a driveway but we think nothing of it.  Trail turns down Fair Ave and a quick jog across Hwy 1.  but trail abruptly ends.  We try both ways on the railroad tracks and find nothing.  Then Jordass appears and says we missed beer check.  Where we ask? Turns out that flour that appear on private property was actually an easement and supposed to be the Turkey trail.  Jordass then offers to lead us the wayward pack to beer check.  Its in an old barn that looks like a frequent crash place for local homeless.  There is a vintage grating machine that Tiny Whiney and I are pleying with.  We determine its diesel powered with a gas powered starter.  On in is called and the pack slowly makes it to the parking lot across from town.  We decide to hold religion on the cliffs overlooking the ocean where acraphobes like me can’t get within 5 feet of. 

Dr. Nappy is named bf.  A cliff-dwelling variety I imagine.

Dog breath is named for finding Rod Lover and he is a terrorist image for allowing dbased & Piss to Hare and Hairy to Hare 3 of 4 trails.

Next to find a terrorist is Capt Jack.  He found an image of a clean shaven  Arabian Goggler, a clear indication that when he’s not drunk, he’s dangerous.

PCP found the next terrorists which is Little Spit, the spawn of the evil dbased. The RA states that Hot Wheels must have a different Dad.

Bumble balls is called for ruining the trail for the pack, he was the one that found the Hare Arrow at the beginning.

6 of 9 finally shows up with his Virgin Allena.  After much condoling we get her to show her body parts, and somehow the RA gets a zicky-zacky.

Speaking of 6 of 9 how long till six would spooge from boobs? Sometime after a down-down.

Goat blowers 50^th is celebrated and finally the Hare.  

Ps, I am having “b” key issues in which I have to copy/paste my b’s and so therefore no one gets a capitalized b unless I feel motivated enough to deal with it.

Next known trash that I haven't lost is #432...coming soon...or is that cumming?

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I have 3 weeks of notes that have gone missing.  No, our apartment is quite clean thank you, perhaps thats the problem, things get cleaned too often.  Yes I am aware I'm going to get a down-down for this, but then again maybe no one will notice since my trashes have SUCKED.

Update: All is not lost I found one.  The problem is Puff gave me a ride home from 431 and he may have stolen my notes.  The search continues.

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The pack meets at the Fog Bank on the Capitola Esplanade. Parking is not easy, but the view is worth it. A good size pack starts to gather including a new pack member and three virgins. Those ready to take a scenic tour of Capitola include Banana Basher, Jizbollah, Finger Nips, Hoggie, Cumz out my Nose, Jordass 4 Men, Brokebench Mountain, Pussy Galore, Serial Box, TIMMY!, Mrs. Groper, Puff MDQ, Pixilated Obscenity, PCP, Vince Lamblowme, Pearl Necklace, Last Call Norm, Tiny Whiney Bitch, Just Diane (for now), Tater Tits, Choka Cola, Piss ‘n Booths, Dog Breath, Capt. Jack Swallows, Hugh Heiffer, Accuprick, Just Anne, Suck Cochran, Daddy Warbucks, your acting Scribe Dr. Nappy, and the hares Hairy Potter, Flaccid Capacitor, and Take it Like a Man. Also joining the pack this week were Bumble Balls from Ithaca (now to be a regular SCH3 r*nner), and Virgins Chris, Katie, and Glen.

While prelubing and listening intently for gossip, I overheard Vince and Choka discussing their foursome. I had to inquire. Turns out that Vince was apparently involved in a threesome for quite some time. This threesome evidently discussed the need to have another woman, so Choka joined and they have been a happy foursome ever since.

After the pack circles up and Jizbollah is awarded the Cal TransVestite, the pack leaves on right out of the Fog Bank. I, as usual, choose to follow Banana. I’ve only been led astray a few times by this method, and figure that the wilds of Capitola will be kinder than those in Felton. Banana quickly scouts that the pack is running up hill toward the railroad tracks, while trail is also down in the flats of the Village. Banana deduces that trail may have been laid too close together thus almost overcrossing, and wisely decides to lead us slackers through the trail laid in the Village. As we usual DFL’s lumber along the nice, flat streets, we spy one of the hares, Take it Like a Man, running up the hill ahead of us. So we forge on ahead, up the hill behind the hare, soon to spot Take it Like a Man’s crotch rocket and one of Flaccid Capacitor’s fancy sports cars in front of what must be their house. Obviously, the location of the Beer Check.

The small gathering of us were glad to be first to raid the cooler while the rest of the pack was out r*nning the rest of the trail. Not too long after we made ourselves at home on their front lawn, a few of the Turkey trail r*nners began trickling in and eventually hares Hairy Potter and Flaccid Capacitor showed up from setting the Eagle trail. Here I saw something that must be unique to our hash: Flaccid set trail in sandals as to not mess up his new French pedicure. I have new respect for Flaccid. Not only does he have the sexiest toes I’ve seen on a man, but he is manly enough to set trail in sandals. The Eagle trail evidently involved a railroad crossing of some height that caused some to backtrack to the Turkey trail. As a reward for overcoming acrophobia, the rest of the Eagles were ‘rewarded’ with a booze check: a stashed bottle of Goldschlager.

As the pack was relaxing on the lawn sipping our bevies (Dog Breath sipping a Bartles and James cooler), apparently the Eagle hares got stopped by the cops for throwing flour out of their black plastic Frenchy’s bag. The cop must have been dazzled by Flaccid’s toes and afraid of what else was in the bag because he let them continue on without much harassment.

Religion was held in the tiny but safe back yard at Flaccid and Take it Like a Man’s house. As space was tight, we gathered around an impromptu alter set up in the middle of circle: a trash can covered with our new hash tablecloth. Appropriate?

The pack is now getting quite rowdy (was it the Gosdschlager? The strong drinks at prelube?). Piss is getting hammered, and says to me from a distance of about an inch and a half from my face: “I love the hash, we’re all so weird”. Later she was hitting on Daddy and barely remaining vertical. Also of note, Jizz was bragging that the TransVestite got him a few under age chicks. Piss may actually have a valid point about us.

First up to the alter are the Burning Man hashers. There was a hash set from the festival by the Black Rock Hashers with our own Pixie as RA. Hoggie was also in attendance. During religion at Black Rock, Pixie claims to have gotten the whole pack to bark like dogs. Our own pack then made our Burner hashers bark like dogs before drinking their down-downs.

Next up was Bumble Balls for being a visiting hasher from Ithaca, NY. Here Bumble says he’s staying with us, to which Jordass says “we’re full”. Why, Jordass? Are you afraid of more competition for Snatch.cum? Anyway, Bumble tells the story of his naming which is a painful recounting up him putting his leg up on a fence and a bee flying up his shorts and stinging sensitive parts. Ouch, but a good name. Jordass points out that if he puts his leg up on a fence here, Serial Box will be up his shorts.

Just Diane was called up for naming next. A couple of points that were thrown out were that she wanders off aimlessly through the woods (aided by hallucinogenics?) and that she is Tiny Whiney Bitch’s gal. Tiny Whiney Bitch launches into a rambling story that may have had a point, but we never got there due to his Goldschlager-addled recounting and the short attention span of the pack. Pixie suggests Fabio, presumably in reference to Diane’s long, curly, blonde hair. The theme remains, and Banana suggests Goldie Coxxx. The pack goes wild and that sticks. (BTW, Goldie came up with that spelling herself on HashSpace because there is already a Goldie Cocks out there who is an aging porn star…go figure).

Virgins were next, the first being Kate. She deftly dropped trou and ran around the alter while showing her tight little buns and nothing else. A hard act to follow. Virgin Glen was next and was completely unprepared by his host, Flaccid, but he was a sport and went along with the game. He also managed to show us his buns and run around the alter. A new tradition here? Finally, Virgin Chris was up and she topped the other two by dropping her shorts and running backward around the alter to some long and rambling tune sung by Brokebench Mtn.

PCP is punished for applying for a job as a bus driver. Apparently Ralphie is his hero. He was also obnoxiously tossing beer at other pack members all throughout religion. For both of these crimes, he was given the dog bowl to drink his down-down from.

Finally, the hares are next to the trash-can alter. Banana is struck speechless by Flaccid’s toes. Mark it in history, folks, Banana actually speechless. As the pack gives their opinions of trail, the only memorable one is Daddy who yells “Leave us Alone!!!” as Piss is still hanging all over him. Is love in the air? True to form, Banana redeems himself during 'S-H-I-T-T-Y Trail' by singing boisterously “I’d rather stay here and get a pedicure…”  Banana, I wanna see those toes next week!

On on on was at Margaritaville, where a very few of us stayed for a brief moment before fleeing the bored civil servants of Copitola. Next week #429 will be an undoubtedly scenic trail set by Jordass in Davenport. On out, and may the hash get a piece!   

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