Its 4:48pm and I hope to get this done by 6pm minimum BS.

Pearl, Norm, Konichi Twat, Squats in a Bush, New Kids, Finger Nips, Broken Shaft, Cumz Out Her Nose, Winds of Anus, Broke Bench, Take It Like a Man, Bad Yeast, Puff MDQ, Vince Lamblowme, Pixie, Banana, Knees Lies and Videotape, Choka Cola, Cumlord, Pussy Galore, Piss N Booth, VFW, Golden Showers, Just Mike, Flaccid, My Lil Bony, Hairy Potter, Dr. Nappy, Goat Blower, Two Holes, Glad He Ate Her, Virgin Anna, dBased, Sausage Slam, Mother Lil Feltcher, Snatch.cum, CSI, Jiz Bollah, Auntie Cumima, Fondling Father, Hangs Loose, Jack-Off OTP, I'm a Little SLO, Rod Lovr, Virgin Jeff, Dog Breath.  

Trail: How did trail go? Oh yeah, out to Graham Hill, the pack of idiots streams up the railroad tracks, and I think the FRBs found a backcheck with true-trail going uphill to Conference Dr. Down the hill with a check at Graham Hill. Across the street and through the neighborhood. Eventually on-left down Hwy 9. Everyone gets lost on a false at the Felton Cal-Fire station. Trail picked up again on Plateau I think. There must have been a check somewhere because a YBF was found up Orchard Rd. soon enough the DFLs sniff out trail to Redwood Dr and into Henry Cowell Park. Someone didn't tell the hares that dBased got MBH3 banned from there. We pound the trails until we discover the reason Timmy!!!!'s car was parked near the entrance to Lumbermans.

Religion: Beer Fairy is the wonderful Pixie for providing Jordass with a hill-billy belt (bungee cord).  

First up is Snatch.cum for her Fig Leaf she found on trail. The pack wants to see her tits but her bra is her wallet she tells us.

Suddenly Knees Lies and Videotape shows up Hashit donned. He somehow got lost on trail.  

Next are out TexASS visitors (I liked them though) Two Holes and Glad He Ate Her. Also visiting is Fondling Father who started his Hash in Flastaff AZ.

Bony and Rod then saunter in. Obvious sign of sex on trail.  

It being Dr. Nappy's 50th and the sight of her horrific crash she visits the alter.

Virgin Anna come next and shows us a real tattoo that involves a little bit of pants dropping.  

Virgin Jeff is next and skips to the body part but can't find it.

While this is going on Banana rolls in on a bike that he stumbled upon in a creek.  

Hangs Loose visits the alter as a visitor from Sac-ra-tomato.

Backslider New Kids is called up for fucking dogs in his absence. 

Finally the Hares.

Friday: Last Call Norm has the attendance, so I will get that later.  

There were three trails but took the walking trail. This allowed a little more notation of gossip.

Deep Chocolate was overheard in conversation to No Fucking Name Kim "I can blow you long time". The response was "Yeah, suck start a puppy". I don't recall correctly but Deep indignantly responded "I can suck all night!!". 

Jack-off wondered where Hoggy was. Must have wanted to see her tits.

Oh yeah, trail went to Encinal, left on DuBois, and right into the Santa Cruz Ale Works Tasting Room. While the impossible owner poured beer after beer for the crowd he was warned about I heard him whining "I got $50 for 50 beers". Too bad he didn't notice the tip jar that Hashers incordiously stuffed. Too bad Banana & Hairy gave him $170 for all the beer there and at the 2nd Beer-Check.  

On our way back to religion Spouse liberated the sign that said BEER -->

Hopefully it will be returned otherwise we won't be going there again.

Religion: Beer Fairy goes to Spouse for liberating the sign.  

First victims are Bony and Chocka. Bony bet Choka $20 she can't make it into bed tonight without kissing someone. 

Next is Finger Nips for sharing that her "fucking pussy hair" is the same as her drapes.

GAS, BJ, and Rhoids were up for some reason, something about Spouse going black (Mr BJ) and never went back. 

Accu and neighbor came up next. I hate reading drunken notes.  My own notes: "No zicky-zacky for not knowing how to maturbate with clam chowder".

Oh Shit is next for breaking two classes. 

Snatch is called up for her lack of a titty check from last night.

I don't have her name handy but she has attended many hashes without being named. It is observed he has wonderful tits. "Have Tits Will Travel" (she is visiting). Tabled until someone suggests "Nipple Me Elmo". It sticks.  

Either I'm missing more notes or the Hares were then ridiculed for the quality beer at the beer-check.

I'd write about the next two days, but I have no notes and I was really drunk...See everyone in 3 minutes.

 

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Today we are meeting at a spot that was supposed to be on the frindge of civilization according to Puff. No cell service, no services, nothing. Actually we are near the top of the Chaminade property near a kids park on the edge of a neighborhood. Banana had brought a 12-pack of Heinie cans so when I arrived those that showed up early were quicking finishing with no beerwagon in sight. Though it was know that the wagon was going to be a little delayed.  

After bouncing around a few groups and conversations the Hares are finally told to leave. We circle up and depart on trail. Its so much easier to describe trail when it twists and turns around town, but when we are on trails without name its a little more difficult, but here goes nothing. After the initial on right we come upon a check. I think by the time I got there a false was dicovered. Trail took another right and followed a long loop to another check (I think). One way or another a back-check when, under a high-voltage power pole I thought I spotted a trail-marker. As I run to it, I realize its just a utility marker, but I also stumble on trail. Trail that goes down a steep weed-covered hill. At the bottom is an errostion remediation project that probably doesn't need the punishment of our feet. Through a wire fence the pack ends up on a proper trail that goes up a hill through some nice shady redwoods, eventually dumping onto beer-check right in the middle of a redwood cathedral. The irony of the whole thing is that it is in full view of the steep hill that we decended earlier.

Eventually I grew bored and wondered where the on in is. Puff goes "up there" and points to a steep hill behind us. A hill that was also covered with baby P.O plants which one risked touching when an acending one slipped on the loose slope.

Back at the start I see Bony sitting on a bench looking rather worked-over. He told me of his adventures of falling over more than once and one experience with the ground resulting in a log-roll. Don't know how Banana got him home, but Banana has photograhic evidence! 

Over a small hill we start religion.

Beer Fairy is Hogazm for being an attention whore. 

First up is Dog Breath for his last haring 3 weeks ago. ButtBalls points out all his other haring with both us and MBH3 he is 0-10. For his 4hr Hash he tries to implicate Precious as well, but the RA wasn't fooled. RA prepared a song for Dog Breath.

Goat Blower is next up for being the Local Green Party Candidate. This night should from now on be National Goat Blower Night.  

Next are our Virgin/Visitors. First is Virgin Diane, Seawhore's sister. She chooses to recite a joke...a joke we don't get. I was told to figure out what a Mulignon Parmegan is.

Virgin Mike next. Joke, Song, Body Part? He tries to show a moob, when Finger Nips goes her usual attempt at shorts removal. 

Next is VFW's sister Veronica. VFW came up instead to stand in. He opts to sing La Bamba.

Just Dan who has something around 5 hashes spread over 2.5 years. So he stands in for his attempted naming. Little is known about Just Dan but since his sister is Sausage Slam, the name Saving Private Sausage sticks. He mutters to me afterwards how stupid he thinks his name is, but hey, thats the Hash for you. 

Headfirst is the next visitor up. Her name comes from her hobby of SCUBA diving.

Next is MasterBlaster. It is noted that he gets his socks from Puff. He got his name from an experience at work. He was walking down a hall at work and thought he would do his coworkers a favor by expelling a shot of ass-wind into a room instead of a busy hall. Too bad he didn't look in the room as a co-worker and customer were in there. Smooth move. Slick as a brick. 

RA next tries to nominate Cumz Out Her Nose and Goat Blower. Instead Hoggy calls up Banana for trying to murder a very drunk Bony with alcohol. The RA succeeds in calling up Just Ben for wearing Birkenstocks on trail.

Finally the Hares. To quote Snatch.cum  "Most slip-sliding fun I've had in a while".

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Yes, its true. We still do let dBased set trail. There are a few of us that appreciate the creativity that dBased brings to his trails, and there are those that would rather stay at the bar.

All told, attending this slog was Banana, Vince, Finger Nips, My Lil Bony, Choka Cola, Timmy!, Serial Box, CSI, Puff MDQ, Jordass, Capt. Jack, Auntie Cumima, Hugh Heifer, Hairy Poter, Just Nick, Broke Bench, Broken Shaft, Cumz Out My Nose, Bad Yeast Rizen, Mothers Lil Feltcher, Just Jacob, Just Nick, and Just Dan. 

Starting at a now cigarette-free JJ Saloon, I order a PBR and offer the booze-jockey behind the bar my ID. The barkeep thanks me and Vince immediately asks the bardude why he didn't get carded. Bartender immediate responds back with "Thats because we don't offer a senior discount" and we all break out in a laugh.  Eventially the pack circles up in the back, we do our intos, and we are off. Trail is layed through the parking lot and on-right on Soquel Ave. As we bail across the street we find a check has been placed on top of the bridge. Hmm, now what could this mean? dBased and water are synonymous. And yes, a gander on the other side of the bridge means we are hitting the creek. After entering the creek bed via the adjacent parking we are greeted by the usual population of trolls that dwell beneth most of the bridges in Santa Cruz County. Folowing Soquel Creek Southwards we are able to keep our feet dry for a few hundred yards, until we come to a place completel inundated with no shore to cut along. Some opt to remove their shoes and go barefoot, but with as many beer cans and bottle littered about, I didn't feel it worth the risk. Just as we think we find dry shore again we have to make yet another river fording as the creek bends to the right. Trail is found on-up into the rear portion of Soquel Elementary and we follow the access road back to Porter and a check. Auntie Cumima guesses correctly and trail goes left toward Copitola. Now we are in the vicinity of an area that dBased had previously used for a beer-check on his last trail. But like the smart hare he is, it was only a ploy as trail the went right through the parking lot and back to Soquel Creek. As we tiptoe across the troll bridge across the creek directly under hwy 1, the FRBs find a back-check.  

Where could it lead? Well we had a hint we could shortcut trail by hopping a fence. Trail is found just before said troll bridge and parallel along Hwy 1 South. We pick through the invasive Himilayan Berry plants and eventually have to make a quick run down the off-ramp for Bay/Porter. On-right we go, part the party store, over a derelict metal fence, and up the recreation trail to Wharf Road. At this point after another on-right we see where we could have short-cutted, the fence that separates Wharf Rd and Soquel Creek. Oh well. Continuing on towards dBased house I start to think thats where beer-check is going to be. And I was right. A quick on left up the hill into Soquel Knolls and beer and a cake with dBased delicate (not) frosting work "Happy Birthday, Fuck You".

While at beer check I get told that Serial Box is so exausted that at one point Timmy!! was seen pushing her up a hill. Jordass saw this and was concerned that due to her loose conditions that Timmy!! was going to disappear inside her. A short time later I overhear Choka state "From this date forward, I don't date Hashers". Pearl was quick to respond with "Neither do I, I just fuck them". Good one!  

Finally onto religion. Firstoff is Broke Bench Mountain. During beer-check he was observed placing a whole piece of cake in his mouth an eating it all at once. A lot of things go in that mouth and he claims he could do two of those.

Next is the naming of the youths. Tweedle Dee amd Tweedle Dum, Butt Trumpet, I couldn't keep up with all the suggestions, but Just Jacob is named Winds of Your Anus, and Just Jeremy get the title " Edgars Girlfriend.  

Next to visit the alter is Mothers Lil Feltcher. Not only is it appropriately his #69 but he also married Sausage Slam a few weeks prior.

Continuing with our litney of double-trouble is CSI. Not only is it his #25 but his pants keep falling down exposing some tighty-whities.

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As hashers start arriving at Rivas, I realize that although the hares warned them we were coming,(they had free fries for the hashers)they had no idea that we would disturb their business. Clogging the door way, the sidewalk in front, the only aisle to the tables...they were glad to see us..leave! So many hashers showed up one of hares said, "There might not be enough beers for everyone at beer check."  Looks like I might run this one then.

The pack for this July third: Banana Basher, Serial Box, Finger Nips, Vince Lamblowme, Hogazm, TIMMY!, Flaccid Capacitor, DuuHHH, dBASED, Clit Van Winkle, Pearl Necklace, Last call Norm, My Lil' Bony, Rod Lover, Take It Like a Man, Piss 'n Booths, Foot Loose & Panty Free, Broken Shaft, Bad Yeast Rising, Pixilated Obsenity, Auntie Cumyma, Jizz Bollah, Dr. Nappy Headed 'Ho, Just Stefan (2nd hash), Captain Jack Swallows, Puff the Magic Drag Queen (who took these notes), Hairy Potter (who is playin' scribe tonight), Broke Bench Mountian, Jordass (for men), Hugh Heifer and Cumz Out My Nose brought minors, Just Jeremy and Just Jacob.We had two virgins today, Virgin Cali from Colorado, and Virgin Nick, who was dragged there by one of our visitors today from Portland H3, Pussy So Sore. The other visitors were Vintage Beaver and Cork Sucker from San Diego, Crusty and Non-Skidski Butt Plug from jHavelina H3, Tucson, and Vice Grips from Hawaii. Thanks for joining us this evening, your hares will be Cum Lord and Goat Blower. 

  There was no need to lay flour on the wharf, on-left out of Rivas then. At the end of the wharf the hares decided to go up to the cliffs, good choice. We live here, why not enjoy it. Two blocks later we were enjoying neighborhoods on the west side. As we cum upon a check the visitor from Portland, Pussy so Sore, asks if that is a boob check. Portland you say... The pack finds trail straight through the intersection. After a few blocks we wonder where the flour went. Searching for the last has we see a wet spot on the ground. Either there was a small rain cloud the came and washed away that one spot, or some person (non-hasher) saw the hares putting some witch curse, voodoo symbol on the road in front of their house and washed it away. It could have been a check, a back check, or a clever plot to get the pack lost.  Some of us made our way back towards the cliffs trying to find trail, I look up and realize I am following a virgin and a visitor, but they seem like they are going the right way...and soon…on~on in the direction of West cliff. It then looped around past the lighthouse field, around lighthouse field, to...beer check at the lighthouse field. The DFLs didn't have to take the scenic tour if the saw us at beer check from the cliffs. Trail was about 2.5 miles. The walk to religion was three-quarters of a mile (it's longer if I spell it out.)

Religion was under the bridge, by the skate park, three blocks from the police station. So this could be short. Unload the alter and mass amounts of beloved beer, and we are on our way. Beer Fairy awarded to Goat blower, although the down-down drink was Smirnoff ice. First up, our visitors from San Diego, Cork Smeller and Vintage Beaver. They were joined by Beaver's son, Flaccid Capacitor, and to make it a family affair Takes It Like a Man meets with the RA (Jordass). They get a song and a down-down.

Next up was visitor Pussy So Sore and her virgin Nick, who told a bad joke and was given a book by our RA, The Wisdom Of Whores.Then Virgin Cali was called up and told a joke as well. No parting gift from the RA though. More visitors receive the blessing from Smirnoff fairy and RA. Non-Skidski Butt Plugg & Crusty from jHavelinaH3 Tucson get a song and a drink. Butt plug drank his own beer, but Crusty reached over and drank his down-down, true hasher.

Jordass calls religion to a close as her is losing his voice. Just in time as the cops roll up along the bike path in their cruiser. We were already cleaning up by that point. On on on at Tampico (unless you went elsewhere) for Margaritas.

Next week is a dBASED trail. It looks like he is the hare on his birthday. May the hash get a piece!

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