After an exciting trip over and back and a quick trip from work down the local secret known as Brookwood I arrive at the start of trail. Its 1800 hrs, Vince and Cum Lord are present. There is no beer. 1816 hrs rolls by when someone asks Daddy War Bucks what time it is, Daddy and his co-hare Piss N Booth have arrived back from their ore-lay. There is still no beer. Banana calls Finger Nips and she is supposed to be on the way. 1825 hrs, take a guess, was there beer yet? That's right, no. ButtBalls tells Daddy "this is a goat-rope already without the Hares even leaving". Other victims of our lost Beer Mistress are PCP, Hoggy, Jordass, Dr Nappy, Take It, Flaccid, Pixie, Mrs Groper, Choka Cola, Just Diane, Just Geoff, ML Feltcher, LC Norm,Pearl, Golden Showers, Goat Blower, Just Nick, Broke Bench, Bad Yeast, Rod Lover, Timmy!!!, Capt Jack, Hugh Heifer, PG, Puff MDQ, Serial Box, Accu, Annie, Hairy Potter, Auntie Cumyma, Sausage Slam, Virgin Trixie, Virgin Andrew.

After our usual circle-up, trail turns towards the weeds, and North past the the Odd Fellows hall.  Turns out it was just a way to skirt the group in the tall weeds, obscured by some tall shrubs, eventually leading to the back of the main part of the cemetery.  Quickly the bad wine check is found, and passed over by the FRBs.  Across Paul Sweet and twisting through Dominican Hospital and a few ambulances, a check is found at Soquel.  After not finding trail in any direction, West on Soquel is rechecked and the pack is  back on Westward.  Hoping for beer-check at the Soquel Park and Ride, Golden Showers and I run down only to be disappointed.  Trail continued over Soquel and on…and on…and on to La Fonda.  Some says BN and after two right turns Beer-check is on a dirt road bordering Harbors’ baseball fields.  On our way back to the start dBased and I choose to short-cut it slightly, and of course the pack of sheep follow us as we create our own shaggy accessing a service entrance into Harbor High.  

Religion commences.  First Beer Fairy is Auntie Cumyma. 

Next and an enduring down-down is Broke Bench Mountain for his piss-poor performance as Beer Fairy last Hash. And by enduring, he’ll be up everytime.  

Second, to get the heavy lifting out of the way, the namings.  First off is Just Geoff.  Banana chimes in that at an OnOnOn he whips out a C-Note and buys flowers “This will impress the ladies”.  Drinks impress the ladies, not flowers! It is reminded to everyone that when he showed his joke he had to stroke it a few times to get it large enough for anyone to see.  Hoggy suggests 3 Strokes and Yer Out.  Just Geoff complains about the naming taking too long. Needless to say the name Tiny Whiney Bitch sticks.

The second naming is Just Mike.  Mike is in the Navy.  He’s a Lieutenant Junior Grade at the NPS.  Quickly someone notes he likes girly drinks. Flaccid suggests Faggy Navel.  A few more names are suggested that just suck, so Faggy Naval is re-suggested and cheered overwhelmingly by the pack. 

Golden Showers, recipient of the Hashit, is called up for his third time at bat, or in other-words he recently got married for the third time. 

Puff is summoned to the Ford Tempo Alter.  When he pulled into the start it looked as if Puff came directly from work, and it appears as through he was wearing OP shorts to work, new OP shorts.  Definitely worthy of a down-down. 

Goat Blower is called for her ceremonious #50 Analversary. How long will this last? No one knows.

The Virgin parade starts next and Virgin Andrew is called first.  Finger Nips fails in her attempted de-pantsing.  He opts to tell a joke: What  has 16 balls and 6 holes? A Pool Table.  Ha ha. 

And then Virgin Trixi, has a joke.  Why did the deer come out of the forest? “I won’t do that again for $2”.  I think I get it.

Finally the Hares.  Daddy is going to be 86 which is international for GET THE FUCK OUT.  

In an hour, the Hairy Snatch Trail.

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The poor SOBs that showed include Wiener, Butt Balls, Annie, Banana, Jordass, dBased, Timmy!!!, Serial Box, Saving Private Sausage, Hot Wheels, Dr. Nappy, Finger Nips, Swiss Army Cock, Just Geoff, LC Norm, Pearl, Flaccid Capacitor, Take It Like A Man, Hairy Potter, Goat Blower, Choka-Cola, Hoggy, Daddy War Bucks, Cumz out Her Nose, PG, CL, Broke Bench, Piss N Booth, Puff MDQ, Just Anne, Rod Lovr, Dangling Mantasticals, and Virgin Chris.

Trail as usual started down into Arana Gultch.  A ring-around-the Harbor and up into Frederick St Park. A few lefts and rights lands us on Owen St and a left on Bronson St. Down the railroad tracks and over the Harbor with what was probably a back-check had, at least IIIII, spotted flour on top of the tracks to our left.  Up the tracks to a check leads at 7^th Ave.  A correct guess and we are on up 7^th Ave…pretty much forever.  It kept going to long that I almost ran past beer check which is being held at a friend of Mothers Little Feltcher.  A place where I am offered a nice shot of Jamison Whiskey to compliment my Trader Joes beer.  Though you gotta laugh, you see they just moved into the place.  Like any good men the first things in were the 50 inch LCD flat-screen and video game set (not sure which).  The living room furniture? Plastic deck chairs.  Don’t worry, the rest of their stuff is in storage I understand.

A mile on-in and onto religion.  First nominated for Beer Fairy is Broke Bench Mountain for being above the law and carrying his beer on trail.

First real victim deservedly so is Finger Nips for being a Beer Nazi.

Second visitor is Puff for almost not coming to the Hash (due to Hwy 17 traffic). Quite  a few thought it odd when 6:45 came around and there was no sign of Puff.

Next is Banana for leading the DFLs astray trying to find Beer-Check. He didn’t have his DFL Buddy My Lil Bony . 

Meanwhile BBM is doing his BF duties well, as the RA is pouring all the Down-Downs.

Our Backslider is next, Dangling Mantasticals.

Not suprising Rod Lovr is called up for his sadistic quest to have every hasher do a trail, even those that have no business throwing flour.

Our virgin, Virgin Chris is called up.  The question is asked, did Swiss find him on the Internet? Asks Banana. 

Finally the Hares, as they drink out of a large, clean raw milk container. 

Banana interjects with a Down-Down nomination for Goat Blower, however I had just swatted my 11^th mosquito and decided I didn’t feel like leaving my exposed legs as a prime target in the acquisition of West-Nile Virus so I pissed off at that point.  As I neared Soquel Ave, only then did the roar of the pack fade into the evening...

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How do I talk shit about our GM and try to get away with it? One easy way is to not post the trash (including last weeks that I forgot to post, sorry) until just before trail.  Then again I’ll get nailed for forgetting last weeks.  Eh, whatever. 

Cumz Out Her Nose, Timmy!!!, Just Geoff, Goat Blower, Banana, Pixie, Puff MDQ, Just Diane,  Jordass, Bony, Little Kahuna (Madison, WI), PG, CL, Broke Bench, Snatch.cum, Choka Cola, Rod Lover, dBased, Hot Wheels, Just Mike, Hoggy, Hugh Heifer, Capt Jack, New Kids, Virgin Anne.

Well on trail.  After giving my best Norm impression as stand-in GM we follow Norms driveway down to Soquel.  As the pack bombs across Soquel in front of stunned cars trail leads down May Ave and along b40 creek.  Finding Ocean the pack is lost for a bit of time.  Eventually trail is found down Ocean towards, yes, the Ocean.  Upon reaching Broadway trail is sniffed out up the hill.  An immediate Hare-Arrow taking us left on Oceanview.  In reality it was just a circle-jerk and I think we turn right down b40.  

Oh and I should report that dBased was telling me about his short-cutting efforts involved blowing through the Hare-Arrow while PG berated him for not following trail.  Whatever, hash drama.

Anyhow, a check at Cayuga and knowing how rare we end up at Bananas made me guess trail went the opposite way on Cayuga towards Soquel again.  I was right, oh we must be going to 007 right? Nope, across Soquel and into the public parking lot.  A quick exit onto Benito to find Pearl peaking out from behind a wall where we find the beer.  

Religion starts back at Norm & Pearls.  dBased is nominated for Beer-Fairy for all his effective trails. 

First called up to the extra-high alter atop the porch is New Kids for being an FRB. He was such an FRB that he made it through trail, to beer-check, and back to Norms without anyone seeing him.  Actually he stayed and drank out of the keg of Porter that came out of the back of Broke Bench’s van. 

Little Kahuna is called up as the visitor.  He’s from the little suburb of Chicago known as Wisconsin. I believe his name came from being part of the group of obsessed individuals who look at more weather displays and wind predictions than NASA scientists trying to predict wind waves on Lake Michigan large enough to ride. 

Capt Jack is next for doing something special.  He bought his dog a flower on trail.  Guess he likes his dog better than the real thing. 

Snatch.cum is next for doing something horribly obvious, asking the RA how not to get called up by the RA.  It is also reported that she wore the same jacket that she wore at W2B that someone had scrawled “Lick Me” written on the back.  3 days straight this occurred.

Hugh Heifer is up next.  She quit showing the pack her tits when she started bringing Edgar’s Girlfriend and now that he didn’t come tonight, this is her opportunity.  Capt Jack then threatened not to sleep with her tonight if she flashed, thus switching his allegiance back to his dog.  Sadly she didn’t flash. 

Virgin Anne is next.  She tells a joke.  The RA tries to figure out her accent.  She’s Irish that grew up in Dallas and more recently lived in Buffalo. 

Finally the Hares.  Banana quotes Rod Lover on trail as saying “I can’t believe they’re using my house!!!”

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Goat Blower, LC Norm, Pearl Necklace, Daddy W B, Banana, Golden Showers, Vince, Jordass, Hugh, Capt Jack, Hairy Potter, Serial Box, Just Mike, Dr. Nappy, Timmy!!, Loose Stool, Just Geoffrey, Finger Nips, Suck Cockran, Puff MDQ, Piss N Booth, Dog Breath, Winds of Your Anus, Edgars’ GF, Rod Lovr, Cervix Denied, dBased, Broken Shaft, Cum Lord, Snatch.cum, Hot Wheels, Hoggy, Virgin Diane, Broke Bench Mountain, Cumz Out Her Nose.

At the Crepe Price, as usual.  We have the place packed as usual.  I meet someone that worked with our beloved Possum Pussy and we share memories.  

Banana and Cumz leave on trail.  The beer continues to flow.  We circle, trail is on East on Soquel.  Trail turns right on Seabright with a quick right towards my house on Gault.  I later found a false in front of my house which probably didn’t many people and trail turned up Morrissey to Soquel again.  The hares jumped Soquel and ran down San Juan and took the FRBs through a Banana-style tour of the alley-ways of Midtown Santa Cruz.  Officially I hear trail took a trip across Morrissey and did the rounds up and down Melrose and Stanford St to Water St.  Catching up with the front of the pack everyone streams down Benito and we all think “007”.  Nope past it into the soon to be Whole Foods.  Along the way a couple of “girls” glommed onto the pack.  What were their ages? “That’s what happens when trail goes by a Jr. High” quotes Broken Shaft. Once the Beer runs dry the interlopers disappear and we avoid a nasty ticked from SCPD.

Religion starts in the Harley lot.  The RA nominates Hairy Potter for the BF job. The RA has no creativity and HP was wearing the crown like Gandhi was wearing it. 

First is a special occasion.  Its Goat Blowers 50^th again.  See the RA was smoking some good shit on the 420^th Hash and the RA called her up for her 50^th when it was really her 52^nd or something. 

Second is Daddy WB for backsliding.  Where was he? Cheating old ladies of money at a bridge tournament in Las Vegas.  He came back poor but at least not married. 

Virgin Diane is called next.  To reassure her and encourage the body-part dBased says “We’ll blindfold the children”.  She chooses to sing a Devil Makes Three song.  RA sings “She’s got the world in her chest”.  Then she shows them.

Fourth visitor of the night to the alter is Snatch.cum.  I have it down that she was honked at for flipping off a Miata in a crosswalk while on trail.  She must have thought it was Puff. 

Speaking off Puff, he is called up for the biggest crime on trail.  The young girls I mentioned? They popped up on trail in one of the many alleys due to Puff.  “Problem with girls that age, you have to teach them everything” says the RA and hands Puff a potty seat. 

Loose Stool is called up for allowing Nadia to swallow a basketball.  Actually when questioned why he was given liberty to hash tonight he gives us some cock-and-bull story about doing what he wants, but really as the RA puts it, “No, [yer] here on yer way out of town”. 

Finally the Hares…

On Out to #424

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