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I don’t know how we made it. Was it quality mismanagement? Was it a police conspiracy? Was it the BEER??? However we did its here, #400. Our devious hares for the evening are Finger Nips, PCP, Hairy Potter, and Daddy War Bucks. The group of ravenous drunks, cripples, and children who followed: Puff MDQ, My Fucking Precious, Capt Jack Swallows, Cum Lord, Pussy Galore, Got Wood, Timmy!, Mrs. Groper, Jordass, Goat Blower, Beaver Whacker, Serial Box, Banana Basher, Vince Lamblowme, Panty Free, Arabian Goggler, Butt Balls, Apple Bobber (brief appearance), Pixilated Obscenity, Dr. Nappy, Neighborhood Watch, Stupid Pussy, Cockiss, Butt Barrier, Ram Pam, Hogazm, Hugh Heifer, Cumz Out My Nose, Jack-off On the Pot, Suck Cockran, Jizz Bollah, My Lil Bony, Rod Lover, Piss N Booth, Pussy Sipper, Lil Anal Annie, Just Sheba, Little Shit, Choka Cola, dBased, Hot Wheels, Little Spit, Rusty Trombone, Too Drunk Too Fuck, Dog Breath, Lizardo, Just Kyle, One Eyed Scrotum, Virgin Bruce, Virgin Sara, Cum Factory. Oh and me Ralph. After pre-packing the Crepe Place prior to the load-in of a band who must have thought they had quite an early turn-out we left to find trail across the street and through the mid-town neighborhood I call home. After crossing Morrissey and twisting and turning through the eastern parts of mid-town we end up on Roxas St and in a church parking lot for Jello Shots. Churches and graveyards being the last places I feel like spending any extended time in, myself and a few FRBs take off. We find trail heading down Park Way and of course, down that lovely path that boarders the former Loma Prieta Bad Kids School, now home to a private institution. Following trail down a check is laid down to the entrance to the Harbor High Baseball field. I send an over-the-hiller down and I continue down La Fonda towards Soquel. Down the walking trail, across the street and back towards La Fonda only to find Beer Near and no refreshments. But why? Turns out the Cripple Van is also the mobile beer-check wagon for this hash. In the future we are to wait until everyone shows up then the Hares would piss off for their 15 minute head start. Anyhow, the wagon shows, and we are treated to the bloody-mary check. More mary than bloody but yummy. Leaving the leftover snacks for the local homeless we follow trail behind the office that hosted the last beer check we follow trail up Soquel. I don’t know if there was a check there but I started heading up Capitola Rd Ext. I observe and ignore a check at the graveyard and find another check. Don’t know the name of the road but knowing its where Puff went a few weeks ago I take it and find true-trail. Down through one of developments with a view of the harbor (I think) and continuing to follow the former Puff trail we head towards Soquel again up Capitola Rd. An early ending dBased stumbles on true trail (twice I think) and we follow Soquel to Fredrick St. The Hares lead trail around The Dominican Rehab where a security guard pops out and stares at me for a few minutes as I walk by. Turns out the 3rd beer check is on the other side of the complex. Shoulda known. What do we have? Apple Pies. A delightful combination of apple cider, rum, and for the not-watching-their-weights whipped cream. Someone at this point of scribing the lies of the evening yells at me “So how about that trail Ralphie?” yeah FUCK YOU. Thinking I should do my 4th Beer check at my house but a block away, I decide to follow trail and complete this important trail. Down Hanover and up Library Ln and still temptingly close to home trail squirms up Darwin St, left on Soquel and to the 4th beer-check behind Bills Wheels and the Kamikaze Check. After a few and deciding religion should occur here our BM and Hare Finger Nips has to shove off to the airport and to catch a flight to Perth. Unfortunately I have her shirts in safekeeping to I have to go fetch them behind the Crepe Place. I convince Cum Lord who to give me a ride back only to find the pack leaving in a hurry from the 4th check. Uh oh, that can usually only be for one reason. Yes, COPS. As we head for safer ground an inside “person” appears (identity withheld but they are related to a hasher) but they say hi to Banana and tell us they’ll put “them” off the trail. Banana apologizes and thanks them in advance and says we’ll be done shortly. Probably a blessing since the pack is still quite large. OK, back behind the Crepe Place and in the Harley Shop parking lot. Beer Fairy is the lovely Goat Blower as she the Birthday Girl. Second victim is Mrs Groper for her dubious outfit. Somewhere between that of a 711 employee or that of a person who just escaped prison. Stupid Pussy is third for [I think Stupid Puppy’s] wearing of a shirt that says “I’d rather be in Los Gatos”. Yuppie or hairdresser, you pick. Cockiss I think got a zicky-zacky for some reason. However throughout the night he was complaining about the trail marking so the question was does Ram Pam have a hare-arrow tattoos down to her pussy? Cum Factory got called up as she was sitting on top of a ramp behind Bills Wheels. So she visited the alter for doing the high-jump for beer. I must have been quite lit at this point because all I remember is Hugh Heifer doing the 200 meter tit flash. Captain Jack tried to run some kind of interference but it was too late. Last edition of the Special Olympics is Dr Nappy. “Fuck it All” she says and she shows us it all!!! Getting towards the end Choka gets her #25 run despite it being her ~80th beer OnOnOn. Virgin Bruce was called up next. He does some kind of bad joke while I was getting beer but returned to see Virgin Sara tease us with cleavage but only showing us on boob. Finally the hares. Banana is a stand in for Finger Nips as I’ve had to order 400 run patches since he is so close being the first to cross that milestone. If you are reading this and you haven’t picked up your shirt please do! I’m tired of that bag being in my car…  Comments (1) |  Add as favorites (10) |  Quote this article on your site | Views: 229
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