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400, what else is there to say? Print E-mail
Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in   
Wednesday, 05 March 2008
I don’t know how we made it.  Was it quality mismanagement? Was it a police conspiracy?  Was it the BEER???  However we did its here, #400.

Our devious hares for the evening are Finger Nips, PCP, Hairy Potter, and Daddy War Bucks.

The group of ravenous drunks, cripples, and children who followed: Puff MDQ, My Fucking Precious, Capt Jack Swallows, Cum Lord, Pussy Galore, Got Wood, Timmy!, Mrs. Groper, Jordass, Goat Blower, Beaver Whacker, Serial Box, Banana Basher, Vince Lamblowme, Panty Free, Arabian Goggler, Butt Balls, Apple Bobber (brief appearance), Pixilated Obscenity, Dr. Nappy, Neighborhood Watch, Stupid Pussy, Cockiss, Butt Barrier, Ram Pam, Hogazm, Hugh Heifer, Cumz Out My Nose, Jack-off On the Pot, Suck Cockran, Jizz Bollah, My Lil Bony, Rod Lover, Piss N Booth, Pussy Sipper, Lil Anal Annie, Just Sheba, Little Shit, Choka Cola, dBased, Hot Wheels, Little Spit, Rusty Trombone, Too Drunk Too Fuck, Dog Breath, Lizardo, Just Kyle, One Eyed Scrotum, Virgin Bruce, Virgin Sara, Cum Factory. Oh and me Ralph.

After pre-packing the Crepe Place prior to the load-in of a band who must have thought they had quite an early turn-out we left to find trail across the street and through the mid-town neighborhood I call home.  After crossing Morrissey and twisting and turning through the eastern parts of mid-town we end up on Roxas St and in a church parking lot for Jello Shots. 

Churches and graveyards being the last places I feel like spending any extended time in, myself and a few FRBs take off.  We find trail heading down Park Way and of course, down that lovely path that boarders the former Loma Prieta Bad Kids School, now home to a private institution.  Following trail down a check is laid down to the entrance to the Harbor High Baseball field. I send an over-the-hiller down and I continue down La Fonda towards Soquel.  Down the walking trail, across the street and back towards La Fonda only to find Beer Near and no refreshments. But why?  Turns out the Cripple Van is also the mobile beer-check wagon for this hash.  In the future we are to wait until everyone shows up then the Hares would piss off for their 15 minute head start.  Anyhow, the wagon shows, and we are treated to the bloody-mary check. More mary than bloody but yummy.

Leaving the leftover snacks for the local homeless we follow trail behind the office that hosted the last beer check we follow trail up Soquel.  I don’t know if there was a check there but I started heading up Capitola Rd Ext.  I observe and ignore a check at the graveyard and find another check.  Don’t know the name of the road but knowing its where Puff went a few weeks ago I take it and find true-trail.  Down through one of developments with a view of the harbor (I think) and continuing to follow the former Puff trail we head towards Soquel again up Capitola Rd.  An early ending dBased stumbles on true trail (twice I think) and we follow Soquel to Fredrick St.  The Hares lead trail around The Dominican Rehab where a security guard pops out and stares at me for a few minutes as I walk by.  Turns out the 3rd beer check is on the other side of the complex.  Shoulda known.  What do we have? Apple Pies.  A delightful combination of apple cider, rum, and for the not-watching-their-weights whipped cream.  Someone at this point of scribing the lies of the evening yells at me “So how about that trail Ralphie?” yeah FUCK YOU.

Thinking I should do my 4th Beer check at my house but a block away, I decide to follow trail and complete this important trail.  Down Hanover and up Library Ln and still temptingly close to home trail squirms up Darwin St, left on Soquel and to the 4th beer-check behind Bills Wheels and the Kamikaze Check.  After a few and deciding religion should occur here our BM and Hare Finger Nips has to shove off to the airport and to catch a flight to Perth.  Unfortunately I have her shirts in safekeeping to I have to go fetch them behind the Crepe Place.  I convince Cum Lord who to give me a ride back only to find the pack leaving in a hurry from the 4th check.  Uh oh, that can usually only be for one reason.  Yes, COPS.  As we head for safer ground an inside “person” appears (identity withheld but they are related to a hasher) but they say hi to Banana and tell us they’ll put “them” off the trail.  Banana apologizes and thanks them in advance and says we’ll be done shortly. 

Probably a blessing since the pack is still quite large.  OK, back behind the Crepe Place and in the Harley Shop parking lot. 

Beer Fairy is the lovely Goat Blower as she the Birthday Girl.

Second victim is Mrs Groper for her dubious outfit.  Somewhere between that of a 711 employee or that of a person who just escaped prison.

Stupid Pussy is third for [I think Stupid Puppy’s] wearing of a shirt that says “I’d rather be in Los Gatos”.  Yuppie or hairdresser, you pick.

Cockiss I think got a zicky-zacky for some reason.  However throughout the night he was complaining about the trail marking so the question was does Ram Pam have a hare-arrow tattoos down to her pussy?

Cum Factory got called up as she was sitting on top of a ramp behind Bills Wheels.  So she visited the alter for doing the high-jump for beer.

I must have been quite lit at this point because all I remember is Hugh Heifer doing the 200 meter tit flash.  Captain Jack tried to run some kind of interference but it was too late.

Last edition of the Special Olympics is Dr Nappy.  “Fuck it All” she says and she shows us it all!!!

Getting towards the end Choka gets her #25 run despite it being her ~80th beer OnOnOn.

Virgin Bruce was called up next.  He does some kind of bad joke while I was getting beer but returned to see Virgin Sara tease us with cleavage but only showing us on boob.

Finally the hares.  Banana is a stand in for Finger Nips as I’ve had to order 400 run patches since he is so close being the first to cross that milestone. 

If you are reading this and you haven’t picked up your shirt please do! I’m tired of that bag being in my car…

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It’s a Beach Day!!! #399 Print E-mail
Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in   
Wednesday, 27 February 2008
Its another lovely day in Santa Cruz.  Actually its another day of rain in Santa Cruz. The only consolation is our Hares are Banana and My Lil Bony.  What lies are behind this the precursor to our 400th?

Pack tonight consists of Butt Balls, Annie, Puff, Finger Nips, Choka Cola, Piss N Booth, My Fucking Precious, Pussy Galore, Goat Blower, TBO, Neighborhood Watch, Serial Box, CSI, Rod Lover, Spooge Bath (who I am temporarily renaming Scrub Nuts), Pearl, Norm, Hairy Potter, Daddy War Bucks, Stupid Pussy (complete with Stupid  Puppy), Jiz Bollah, Jordass, Dog Breath, Cervix Denied, and Virgin Stephan. 

Trail was originally going to be A-B but it was changed to an A-A due to weather.  

Dog Breath worrying so much about being assigned responsibility of the Hashit mistakes Daddy War Bucks’s jacket for said article.

Choka was complaining about something involving Bony and her rack.

Trail was actually quite decent for once.  After a run-around the south end of Seabright Ave we end up going up Bronson and West towards Cayuga.  Could it be at Banana’s?  Probably not.  We end up at the hashing corner from hell.  The one that has about 7 streets leading in every-which direction?  We end up heading towards Mountain View Ave.  Would they set up a Beer Check in Finger Nips front yard?  Perhaps…Trail did cross her front yard but didn’t stop.  We continued across East Cliff and down towards the tracks only to find a back-check.  Being the FRB again and being quite thirsty I thought it worth our best effort to head towards the beach.  It was here in the parking lot above Seabright Beach we find the beer! We find out where the B was going to be had it not rained.  We were going to be treated to a beach bon-fire complete with hotdogs! Oh well.

Comically when Banana and Bony  arrived for the BC they interrupted to guys having a serious discussion…or in other words they inadvertently caused the breakup of two men.

Onto religion.  First up our Beer Fairy is Spooge Bath (aka Scrub Nuts) because he claimed that he “never does anything stupid”. 

Next was Daddy War Bucks for either deciding to wear the Hashit or being an escaped convict. 

Third is Neighborhood Watch for backsliding. 

Rod Lover and Cervix denied are called up for sex on trail (lasing ~4.5 minutes).

I get called up for my 75th run.

ButtBalls is next to visit the RA for wearing stirrups, a fact that someone other than myself pointed out to the RA.

Jizz Bollah visits the alter for not bringing his woman to the hash and needing Banana to open his beer. 

Meanwhile Piss and Choka are given a special down-down for holding a private party.

The Virgin is given his introduction to the Hash.  He claims this name is Stephen Jamison Whiskey or something like that.  First was going to tell a bad joke…then going to do a song.  Tried to tell a joke again and then gave up and showed the moon.

Finally the Hares.

So if you’ve been under a rock and didn’t know it, next run is our 400th run!!!

Also, the Red Dress run is May 1st.  If you order your shirt prior to April 10th contact PG to get your name printed on your shirt.

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Hash 398: We're On The Highway To Hell Print E-mail
Written by Puff MDQ   
Sunday, 24 February 2008

Happy Valentine's Day one and all. I guarantee though that you will NOT be happy when this trail of terror has been terminated. Tonight, We're On The Highway To Hell, courtesy of Serial Box.

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Puff on Trail #397 Print E-mail
Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in   
Tuesday, 19 February 2008

Hares: Puff and Pixie

Pack: Rod Lover, Timmy!!!, LC Norm, Pearl Necklace, Clit Van Wrinkle, Spooge Bath, Goat Blower, Lil Anal Annie, Serial Box, PCP, Finger Nips, Banana Basher, Dr. Nappy, Hugh Heifer, Hairy Potter, Dog Breath, Virgin Sheba, Just Tammy, Cumz Out My Nose, Pussy Galore, Captain Jack Swallows, Pussy Sipper, Just Rupert, Lady Go Dive On It (Virgin Nate late arrival). 

This evening we find ourselves crowded in the restaurant Sestri located on Capitola Rd. Among the well dressed patrons and a birthday party is our beer-swilling group. timmy!!! suggests singing our version of the happy birthday song.  Meanwhile I go collecting shirt money for our 400th run. Spooge Bath takes away Dr. Nappy's walker like the mean wanker that he is. I hope he's not a geriatric nurse. As we leave the bar for circle I see Dog Breath accosting the Matre 'D trying to pick up on her by telling her about our group. He gives her one of our cards with his phone number on it. 

Trail was another typical Puff trail. Long, full of shiggy, and going through bizzare places. 

Beer check ends up being in the Soquel Park and Ride. I recognize a few cars in the lot belonging to bus patrons. Speaking of work one of my supervisors took this opportunity to circle the lot twice before stopping to talk to the group. Upon his first appearance I slithered behind the group trying not to be recognized. 

After a long on-in religion is held in the cemetary on Capitola Rd Extension.  I took this as an opportunity to find myself elsewhere handing the balance to Puff. Here are his accounts of the lies that followed.

Pixie is the RA for the temporarily absent Jordass. He showed up for religion and was appropriately made beer fairy. He had to miss the hash because he was banging an Intern, errr I mean he had a "work meeting". 

Cumz Out My Nose is next for being a backslider. 

Non-runners for the night Clit, Banana, and Rod Lover are next for being such lazy bastards. 

The RA called up Dog Breath because 1) he deserved it but 2) because she thought he had not been to the hash lately- he was here last week! Zicky-zacky on Pixie! RA drinks. 

Virgins Sheba and Virgin Nate. A quick note on Nate, he works with dBased and was thusly invited. Although he was late to the bar, dBased must have schooled him well enough because in the middle of the Beer Check he strolled into the Park and Ride. Intrepid lad (sorry, I'm in an Irish Bar in SF). Anyhow, Sheba found us on the Internet most likely surfing for porn like the rest of us. They escape torture by singing a really long song. 

Serial Box is the next sacrifice because her cell phone went off during religion.

Finally the Hares.

 
And just when the madness was to come to an end Serial Box gets another phone call!!! Jordass was on the ball and anwsered he call for her.

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Hillbilly Poncho #395 Print E-mail
Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in   
Wednesday, 06 February 2008

Jordass has Hefty Flex Bags for hashing redneck style.  Oh yeah, it was raining quite heavily this evening. 

 

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