There really isn’t much room to do anything except park your ass on a stool and enjoy adult beverages with your friends. Even then you run the risk of getting smacked in the kidneys or the head with pool sticks from the folks playing pool not two feet away

Hash #495

The Pack: Puff The Magic Drag Queen, Broke Bench Mountain, Takes It Like A Man, CSI, Timmy!, Zipper Lips, Hugh Heiffer, Banana Basher, Cuff My Muff, dBASED, Vince LamBlowMe, Foot Loose And Panty Free, Charlie’s Ho.

The Virgins: Dave, Laura, Kurt

The Justs:  Sheila, A.J., Brian, Sabrina

The Location: Brady’s Yacht Harbor

The Hare: Snatch.cum

The Convocation

We all got our “Gilligan” on and met at Brady’s Yacht Harbor on Seabright Avenue. A nice, crowded little bar with a pool table crammed inside. There really isn’t much room to do anything except park your ass on a stool and enjoy adult beverages with your friends. Even then you run the risk of getting smacked in the kidneys or the head with pool sticks from the folks playing pool not two feet away.

Circle Up

We piled out in the back of the establishment for circle up. Those who didn’t bring flashlights with them were fucked, as it’s now dark at every hash. When will they ever learn? Introductions were made, and then it was time to hit the trail.

On-On!

At first there was some confusion regarding where the exact trail started. After a search of the area, we all settled down and were on our way through the greater Seabright area. The hare, Snatch.cum, was a replacement for Hairy Potter, who had bowed out at the last minute.

I really didn’t pay much attention to where we were going, I was just following everybody else tonight. Trail took us around residential neighborhoods, a couple of back alleys, and finally to the Yacht Harbor parking lot for Beer Check. We knew we were close when we came upon the words “Beer Near-ish.”

Near-ish? Like maybe it is near, or maybe it isn’t? Maybe Snatch.com forgot exactly where she was when she put this directional beacon down for the pack. Or, maybe she really didn’t know where the beer was. Shit, it was close enough. Lucky for Snatch we don’t expect to much from our hares. So we all rolled into beer check.

Not all at once, mind you. Banana rolled in about 5 to 10 minutes later. He went to Frederick Street thinking that the beer check would be there. About 15 minutes after that, more hashers showed up. Too bad for them; they missed a scintillating conversation about having religion aboard the Chardonnay catamaran some time in the future. Sounds like a great idea: Let’s have a bunch of shit-faced, half-minds falling overboard, and drowning in the yacht harbor. The first thing the divers would find is Vince LamBlowMe’s hand clutched in a death-grip around a can of Pabst Blue Ribbon. But fuckin-A, whatta cruise!

Religion

We all basically walked back to religion, which was held across the street from Brady’s in the parking lot.

Banana Basher tried to make friends with a young woman who was in her apartment overlooking festivities, so she wouldn’t freak out and call Santa Cruz’s finest. She pretended that she didn’t notice him, but kept ducking out of sight when ever Banana would call up to her.

The following people were called up for Down-Down’s:

·         Just Sheila, for being the Beer Fairy

·         D-Based, for his 369^th hash.

·         Virgin Dave, who showed his ass.

·         Virgin Kurt, who told a joke.

·         Virgin Laura, and Footloose And Panty Free. Laura showed her tits (atta girl!).

·         Broke Bench, for alcohol abuse. “Fuck it, my liver’s strong” he said before the down-down.

·         Just AJ, we were trying to give him a name, but tabled it ‘til next time.

·         Take It Like A Man, for getting a $1000 fuck up by the bank fixed.

·         Snatch.cum, for such infractions like writing “Beer Near-ish”, and writing the word “Flour” in chalk to mark trail, instead of using actual flour. Her defense? “My bag broke!” I know there’s a dick joke in there somewhere.

·         At this point, Flaccid and Winds Of Uranus, showed up and decided to participate in attempting to name AJ. For showing up late they were treated to Banana’s silent hash song.

That’s it folks. A short, sweet hash. There was the pick-up Turkey Trot hash the Friday after Thanksgiving, not sure how many people went, but I wasn’t there to give the play by play. Until next time.

O’ Holy Nutz

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