Santa Cruz Hash House Harriers - Red Dress Run #409

Red Dress Run #409

Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in

Sunday, 11 May 2008

Red Dress Run #409

Timmy!!! Spouse, Butt Balls, Banana, My Lil Bony, PABST Lamblowme, Panty Free, Cumz out Her Nose, Pussy Sipper, Cum Lord, Pussy Galore, Tounge Job (TJ), Roids of London, Choka-Cola, My Fn Precious, Lizardo, Virgin Vickie, Virgin Mary, 2 and 8, PCP, Goggler, Got Wood, Goat Blower, Capt Jack, Hugh Heifer, Pearl Necklace, LC Norm, Dr. Nappy, Swiss Army Cock, Jack-off On The Pot, Jordass, Aunt Cumima, CSI, Snach.cum, Daddy War Bucks, Hoggy, Spooge Bath, Rod Lover, Pixilated Obsenity, Mrs. Groper, Puff MDQ, Mtn Dyke, Jizz Bollah, Cum & Go, Serial Box, Suck Cockran, Just Dusty, Piss n Booth, Virgin Chris, Hairy Potter, Virgins Grim, Heather, dBased, Finger Nips, Ram Pam, Cockiss, Broken Shaft, Fanny Flasher, Ctrutch Cargo, Just Nick, Neighborhood Watch, Cervix Denied, Hot Wheels, Worm, 6 of 9, Virgin Matthew, Just Heather, Little Spit, YPL, Do Me More, Virgin Erica and of course Ralph (Wow, all that effort made me thirsty).

Scares notes from trail: By the time we circled, someone points out that Choka, presently with her arms locked around Lizardo, has not let go of her (current) fling. Its pondered, does she love him or just really love him in that dress?

Daddy War Bucks is looking a bit like a Virgin tonight.

On out. We are immediately lost on trail. We spend countless minutes running this way and that around the clocktower. There is a large group gathered around a performance in front of Santa Cruz's version of the Flat-Iron building. Someone thinks trail is down Pacific. No such luck (though that was the direction the walkers were headed (head? who said head?)) by the time On-On was sounded up towards Mission Hill. Meanwhile one of our virgins Ross hops upon a rarely used bus bench only to have it crack under his mass as we head West on Mission St. After a few distractions down Crystal St I catch back up with Norm and Puff and we parallel King on Mission. We know the Wankers trail has to cross at some point but since they are all downtown still...long story short our suspicion is confirmed and true trail heads south down Bay St. We hang a left down Seaside and a quick right down Trescony. At this point Cockiss has already passed me and some fully clothed person is running behind me, its a rather odd moment. Fortunately Cum[z] & Go caught up and turned on left on California. Thinking we would be on to Walnut we were happy to see an on-left up Laurel and into the yard of Hairy Potter for Beer Check! Aside from the beer tap breaking, Hairy having the doors marked in his house with trail markings to avoid hashers invade his housemates personal space there was not much to mention. Oh wait, there was a stripper hired dressed in a fake cop uniform. Would have been grand had it been female showing a massive amount of cleavage but no it was a he. I paid little attention while Spouse gave him a lap dance apparently and Pixie did something about spreading them to the dude but I didn't catch it. I did wonder if it was a Hash or a sausage fest. Oh and how many hashers destroyed that plastic chair? Hairy Potter bring by a Costco 24-pack of Sierra Nevada and I will rat the two tossers out.

Finally back at the bar. We needed a tried and true hand at keeping 70+ drunks in control. ButtBalls is our Beer Fairy as his pack wrangling skills have not been forgotten.

First order of business Sir! Naming Nick. Nasal Spray, Nick Nose, Nose Job, in the end given his nasal inclinations Booger Nights is born.

Second are the Dress Awards.

First of said awards are the Best Cleavage both real and fake. Finger Nips for the best real and Just Dusty for the best fake. A naming for Dusty's 5th attempted but tabled.

Sexiest Dress is next. No more deserving of that prestigious down-down than a hasher that got a a $2 dress (not counting his senior discount) Daddy War Bucks. The only way for him to look good is to reenact the Sound of Music.

Thr Most Fuckable Award is next. 2 & 8 is the choice as the RA finds that he is the Encyclopedia Britannica definition for Hollywood Whore. However the pack disagrees with the RA's discretion and Pixie is called up in addition for the Most Fuckable Award/Down-Down.

An additional award is nominated to the Plus Size Award for Ross breaking that bench. Zicky Zacky also goes ro the RA for screwing up the song.

300 is in the air. In facts its Norm's 300th. The pack chants for our Hash mother. She is awarded her 300th patch but thats not all. We have the Best Accessory award for Swiss Army Cock first. His best accessory? a bottle opener connected to that grotesque attachment to his manlyhood. Anyhow, it opened the beer that Norm drank to commemorate her 300th Hash.

Almost to the end Virgins are asked to be identified. Instead of bringing them all up the RA decrees: Thanks for cuming. All you got an opportunity to wear a red dress!

Finally the Hares! The Hares held their own hug-fest until the RA reprimanded them said action. Unanimous conclusion? Trail sucked! Down-downs.

Just as we were to break for the evening ButtBalls bellied up with Spouse and led a round of the great song of Days of the Week. [I never told this story but on my trail where I took the pack on a bus trip and ButtBalls lead the same song I asked that driver about that large group he got on Thurs. He groaned and couldn't believe it. I didn't mention I put them on his bus]. Well, I'm almost caught up with the Trashes and its time for my Night Cap.