Santa Cruz Hash House Harriers - Yet Another Great [evil] dBased Trail #419

Yet Another Great [evil] dBased Trail #419

Written by Ralph U. Crammed-in

Thursday, 17 July 2008

Yes, its true. We still do let dBased set trail. There are a few of us that appreciate the creativity that dBased brings to his trails, and there are those that would rather stay at the bar.

All told, attending this slog was Banana, Vince, Finger Nips, My Lil Bony, Choka Cola, Timmy!, Serial Box, CSI, Puff MDQ, Jordass, Capt. Jack, Auntie Cumima, Hugh Heifer, Hairy Poter, Just Nick, Broke Bench, Broken Shaft, Cumz Out My Nose, Bad Yeast Rizen, Mothers Lil Feltcher, Just Jacob, Just Nick, and Just Dan.

Starting at a now cigarette-free JJ Saloon, I order a PBR and offer the booze-jockey behind the bar my ID. The barkeep thanks me and Vince immediately asks the bardude why he didn't get carded. Bartender immediate responds back with "Thats because we don't offer a senior discount" and we all break out in a laugh. Eventially the pack circles up in the back, we do our intos, and we are off. Trail is layed through the parking lot and on-right on Soquel Ave. As we bail across the street we find a check has been placed on top of the bridge. Hmm, now what could this mean? dBased and water are synonymous. And yes, a gander on the other side of the bridge means we are hitting the creek. After entering the creek bed via the adjacent parking we are greeted by the usual population of trolls that dwell beneth most of the bridges in Santa Cruz County. Folowing Soquel Creek Southwards we are able to keep our feet dry for a few hundred yards, until we come to a place completel inundated with no shore to cut along. Some opt to remove their shoes and go barefoot, but with as many beer cans and bottle littered about, I didn't feel it worth the risk. Just as we think we find dry shore again we have to make yet another river fording as the creek bends to the right. Trail is found on-up into the rear portion of Soquel Elementary and we follow the access road back to Porter and a check. Auntie Cumima guesses correctly and trail goes left toward Copitola. Now we are in the vicinity of an area that dBased had previously used for a beer-check on his last trail. But like the smart hare he is, it was only a ploy as trail the went right through the parking lot and back to Soquel Creek. As we tiptoe across the troll bridge across the creek directly under hwy 1, the FRBs find a back-check.

Where could it lead? Well we had a hint we could shortcut trail by hopping a fence. Trail is found just before said troll bridge and parallel along Hwy 1 South. We pick through the invasive Himilayan Berry plants and eventually have to make a quick run down the off-ramp for Bay/Porter. On-right we go, part the party store, over a derelict metal fence, and up the recreation trail to Wharf Road. At this point after another on-right we see where we could have short-cutted, the fence that separates Wharf Rd and Soquel Creek. Oh well. Continuing on towards dBased house I start to think thats where beer-check is going to be. And I was right. A quick on left up the hill into Soquel Knolls and beer and a cake with dBased delicate (not) frosting work "Happy Birthday, Fuck You".

While at beer check I get told that Serial Box is so exausted that at one point Timmy!! was seen pushing her up a hill. Jordass saw this and was concerned that due to her loose conditions that Timmy!! was going to disappear inside her. A short time later I overhear Choka state "From this date forward, I don't date Hashers". Pearl was quick to respond with "Neither do I, I just fuck them". Good one!

Finally onto religion. Firstoff is Broke Bench Mountain. During beer-check he was observed placing a whole piece of cake in his mouth an eating it all at once. A lot of things go in that mouth and he claims he could do two of those.

Next is the naming of the youths. Tweedle Dee amd Tweedle Dum, Butt Trumpet, I couldn't keep up with all the suggestions, but Just Jacob is named Winds of Your Anus, and Just Jeremy get the title " Edgars Girlfriend.

Next to visit the alter is Mothers Lil Feltcher. Not only is it appropriately his #69 but he also married Sausage Slam a few weeks prior.

Continuing with our litney of double-trouble is CSI. Not only is it his #25 but his pants keep falling down exposing some tighty-whities.

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Comments (2)

Another Great Surf City Moment
Written by FingerNips, on 19-07-2008 11:21
Missed by Ralphie was Edgar's Girlfriend's attempt at copying my incredible ability to pantz unsuspecting hashers. Being young (ripe age of 9ish), he made 2 mistakes: he had a coke in one hand and he picked on Banana Basher. I'll give him the "coke" defence for picking on Banana. Obviously high on sugar (note to BM - diet & caffine free coke) Girlfriend tried pulling down shorts that were 5 times his size. Not fully up to the task he only managed to get one side down - enough to scar the retinas of the kennel mates with the whitey white of Mr. B's tighty whiteys. Not satisfied with escaping Banana's hobbled lope for revenge, Girlfriend then used the Coke as a weapon - flinging the fluid at Banana. Nothing infuriates Banana then getting wet by non-alcoholic drink while hashing (thus the reason he avoided trail through the Soquel creek). Banana, now Enraged Giant Hasher, finds his sprint speed and Girlfriend is whipped up onto his shoulder. While Girlfriend squeals like a little girl, Banana is jogging toward the recycling bin. Headfirst goes Girlfriend into the big blue bin with Coke can in hand; a two-for-one deal of recycling and revenge.

Written by Puff MDQ, on 03-08-2008 16:13
Surf City Scribe Ralph Crammed-In, not having quite reached the 100 hash mark yet, is apparently unaware of dBASED's true goal when haring: the systematic elimination of the pack. Allow me to illustrate.
There are some hares that are merely careless in their trail-laying efforts. For example, let's use Dog Breath and Trail 416. In and of itself, it was a scenic jaunt through Harvey West Park and Pogonip. It was, however, too long anf tortuous for the hottest day-to-date of 2008.
Conversely, or perversely depending upon your point of view, we have hares that are not simply careless but downright diabolical. I, of course, refer to dBASED and Trail 419. A trail with that magnitude of cruelty surely must have been planned. No amount of coincidence can explain away such a vindictive trail. Such an event as that has forced me to the regretful conclusion that dBASED is an e-vile man worth considerably less than the price of the bag of flour he so sparingly spread to lead his kennel mates into the maw of Hell.