| Hairy Flaccid Man Trail #428 |
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| Written by Dr Nappy | ||||||
| Tuesday, 09 September 2008 | ||||||
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The pack meets at the Fog Bank on the Capitola Esplanade. Parking is not easy, but the view is worth it. A good size pack starts to gather including a new pack member and three virgins. Those ready to take a scenic tour of Capitola include Banana Basher, Jizbollah, Finger Nips, Hoggie, Cumz out my Nose, Jordass 4 Men, Brokebench Mountain, Pussy Galore, Serial Box, TIMMY!, Mrs. Groper, Puff MDQ, Pixilated Obscenity, PCP, Vince Lamblowme, Pearl Necklace, Last Call Norm, Tiny Whiney Bitch, Just Diane (for now), Tater Tits, Choka Cola, Piss ‘n Booths, Dog Breath, Capt. Jack Swallows, Hugh Heiffer, Accuprick, Just Anne, Suck Cochran, Daddy Warbucks, your acting Scribe Dr. Nappy, and the hares Hairy Potter, Flaccid Capacitor, and Take it Like a Man. Also joining the pack this week were Bumble Balls from Ithaca (now to be a regular SCH3 r*nner), and Virgins Chris, Katie, and Glen. While prelubing and listening intently for gossip, I overheard Vince and Choka discussing their foursome. I had to inquire. Turns out that Vince was apparently involved in a threesome for quite some time. This threesome evidently discussed the need to have another woman, so Choka joined and they have been a happy foursome ever since. After the pack circles up and Jizbollah is awarded the Cal TransVestite, the pack leaves on right out of the Fog Bank. I, as usual, choose to follow Banana. I’ve only been led astray a few times by this method, and figure that the wilds of Capitola will be kinder than those in Felton. Banana quickly scouts that the pack is running up hill toward the railroad tracks, while trail is also down in the flats of the Village. Banana deduces that trail may have been laid too close together thus almost overcrossing, and wisely decides to lead us slackers through the trail laid in the Village. As we usual DFL’s lumber along the nice, flat streets, we spy one of the hares, Take it Like a Man, running up the hill ahead of us. So we forge on ahead, up the hill behind the hare, soon to spot Take it Like a Man’s crotch rocket and one of Flaccid Capacitor’s fancy sports cars in front of what must be their house. Obviously, the location of the Beer Check. The small gathering of us were glad to be first to raid the cooler while the rest of the pack was out r*nning the rest of the trail. Not too long after we made ourselves at home on their front lawn, a few of the Turkey trail r*nners began trickling in and eventually hares Hairy Potter and Flaccid Capacitor showed up from setting the Eagle trail. Here I saw something that must be unique to our hash: Flaccid set trail in sandals as to not mess up his new French pedicure. I have new respect for Flaccid. Not only does he have the sexiest toes I’ve seen on a man, but he is manly enough to set trail in sandals. The Eagle trail evidently involved a railroad crossing of some height that caused some to backtrack to the Turkey trail. As a reward for overcoming acrophobia, the rest of the Eagles were ‘rewarded’ with a booze check: a stashed bottle of Goldschlager. As the pack was relaxing on the lawn sipping our bevies (Dog Breath sipping a Bartles and James cooler), apparently the Eagle hares got stopped by the cops for throwing flour out of their black plastic Frenchy’s bag. The cop must have been dazzled by Flaccid’s toes and afraid of what else was in the bag because he let them continue on without much harassment. Religion was held in the tiny but safe back yard at Flaccid and Take it Like a Man’s house. As space was tight, we gathered around an impromptu alter set up in the middle of circle: a trash can covered with our new hash tablecloth. Appropriate?
The pack is now getting quite rowdy (was it the Gosdschlager? The strong drinks at prelube?). Piss is getting hammered, and says to me from a distance of about an inch and a half from my face: “I love the hash, we’re all so weird”. Later she was hitting on Daddy and barely remaining vertical. Also of note, Jizz was bragging that the TransVestite got him a few under age chicks. Piss may actually have a valid point about us. First up to the alter are the Burning Man hashers. There was a hash set from the festival by the Black Rock Hashers with our own Pixie as RA. Hoggie was also in attendance. During religion at Black Rock, Pixie claims to have gotten the whole pack to bark like dogs. Our own pack then made our Burner hashers bark like dogs before drinking their down-downs. Next up was Bumble Balls for being a visiting hasher from Ithaca, NY. Here Bumble says he’s staying with us, to which Jordass says “we’re full”. Why, Jordass? Are you afraid of more competition for Snatch.cum? Anyway, Bumble tells the story of his naming which is a painful recounting up him putting his leg up on a fence and a bee flying up his shorts and stinging sensitive parts. Ouch, but a good name. Jordass points out that if he puts his leg up on a fence here, Serial Box will be up his shorts. Just Diane was called up for naming next. A couple of points that were thrown out were that she wanders off aimlessly through the woods (aided by hallucinogenics?) and that she is Tiny Whiney Bitch’s gal. Tiny Whiney Bitch launches into a rambling story that may have had a point, but we never got there due to his Goldschlager-addled recounting and the short attention span of the pack. Pixie suggests Fabio, presumably in reference to Diane’s long, curly, blonde hair. The theme remains, and Banana suggests Goldie Coxxx. The pack goes wild and that sticks. (BTW, Goldie came up with that spelling herself on HashSpace because there is already a Goldie Cocks out there who is an aging porn star…go figure). Virgins were next, the first being Kate. She deftly dropped trou and ran around the alter while showing her tight little buns and nothing else. A hard act to follow. Virgin Glen was next and was completely unprepared by his host, Flaccid, but he was a sport and went along with the game. He also managed to show us his buns and run around the alter. A new tradition here? Finally, Virgin Chris was up and she topped the other two by dropping her shorts and running backward around the alter to some long and rambling tune sung by Brokebench Mtn. PCP is punished for applying for a job as a bus driver. Apparently Ralphie is his hero. He was also obnoxiously tossing beer at other pack members all throughout religion. For both of these crimes, he was given the dog bowl to drink his down-down from. Finally, the hares are next to the trash-can alter. Banana is struck speechless by Flaccid’s toes. Mark it in history, folks, Banana actually speechless. As the pack gives their opinions of trail, the only memorable one is Daddy who yells “Leave us Alone!!!” as Piss is still hanging all over him. Is love in the air? True to form, Banana redeems himself during 'S-H-I-T-T-Y Trail' by singing boisterously “I’d rather stay here and get a pedicure…” Banana, I wanna see those toes next week! On on on was at Margaritaville, where a very few of us stayed for a brief moment before fleeing the bored civil servants of Copitola. Next week #429 will be an undoubtedly scenic trail set by Jordass in Davenport. On out, and may the hash get a piece!  Add as favorites (42) |  Quote this article on your site | Views: 326
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