The pack gathers at the Creepy Place, one of the top 5 regular joints for SCH3 to meet. Mismanagement met up before the hash, so we already had a couple of beers and a little snack in us when the parade began. In trickled the pack in their most flamboyant attire. Memorable moments / outfits were Cumz in her fuzzy, pink, lighted headpiece, Icy Jackass with an entire lamp shaped like a Sex in the City purse, Broken Shaft looking like a pineapple, Pussy Galore emulating a bag lady (although any single item she was wearing is undoubtedly worth more than the entire contents of your average bag lady’s cart), and last but certainly not least, Broke Bench Mountain in his entire Tiki bar get-up. Now, this year there were too many to go on about, so please don’t feel bad if you weren’t singled out. I think that the entire SCH3 deserves a round of applause for collectively going over the top this year. Many lights and many more accents – kudos to all!!

That much being said, I still do not have the official list of attendees for that night, so I’ll only say that we welcomed the return of Last Call Norm, Pearl Necklace, and Johnny Cockring. The rest of the pack were somewhat regulars, and while I remember some of you (Hoggie, Rod Lover, and of course Puff), I cannot begin to recall the whole pack from memory.

The hares, Banana Basher and Vince Lamp-BlowMe sneak out the front door and leave us to continue dimming our bulbs with alcohol. Shortly after that, I am chatting out front with Just Wendy (for her last moments as mortal Wendy), and she notes that a cop is driving by ogling us. She states “Wow, we haven’t even started and we’re getting harassed!” Sure enough the black and white flips a U-turn and pulls up right in front. Turns out that it’s Three Times a Lady, and hashers begin pouring out to say hi and ask about My Fucking Precious (who we all miss very much!). I had to giggle at this scene – one of Santa Cruz’s finest in his cruiser with a pack of wackos wearing lampshades on their heads trying to belly up to the car to chat. Crazy. Perfect.

We circle up and do introductions, Pearl and Norm are awarded the hash shit (although only Pearl actually wore it), and we were off down Soquel toward downtown. A quick and sneaky (and cruel) pass through the alley behind Double Oh Seven (regular on on on hang out), and we were back on Soquel. We turn up Ocean and then romped tantalizingly close to the Jury Room (yet another SCH3 fave), but to no avail for the thirsty hounds. Drenched with sweat and drooling for beer, we then went up Water evilly close to the Rush Inn (another top 5 dive-bar for SCH3), but we turned up Front and meandered along the levee. Eventually, we end up back at Norm and Pearl’s historic casa for beer check.

Apparently, we almost snared the hares, but this was all missed by the beer-blinded pack. Lightbulbs on our heads or not, we are apparently truly half minds. As mentioned above, the pack was heading down Soquel towards downtown to circle publicly and with much jeering back toward Norm and Pearl’s abode, also on Soquel. This was evidently not very well thought out by our experienced hares, and the pack was moving DOWN Soquel while the hares were returning UP Soquel, causing Banana to dive into bushes and Vince to pose as a real lamp shopper at the lamp store to avoid being spotted. Now, missing Vince in front of the lamp store, OK, but how in the heck did we miss Banana with a lampshade on his head diving into the bushes????? Jeesh.

After beer check, the pack meanders back up to Rod Lover’s house for religion, which is kinda behind 007. Here I’ve gotta rant. Rod apparently left all of his porn paraphernalia out including that swing apparatus that I’ve heard rumor of, and he would not let any of us into his house to use his bathroom. This being a _long_ trail for SCH3 (3.6 mi!!), we all had to wee like racehorses (at least those that didn’t get tempted into many of the bars that we were so closely led by). So, we had to visit the restroom at the 007, which by now is a bit infamous for SCH3, but that’s another story…..

Down-downs were as follows (and I’m adopting Banana’s style here):

1. Virgin Snaggletooth. He is even known as that in Boulder Creek, and I don’t need to say more. He told some horrible racist joke that was unanimously decided to be better than the other options.

2. The tiki team, Broke Bench Mtn, Broken Shaft, and Cumz out My Nose for looking like an entire tiki room San Francisco would be proud of.

3. Just Wendy for naming. Handy Flicker, Twisted Fister, something about being a twin were all tossed out…. Tabled.

4. Those with no lampshades: Tiny Whiney Bitch, Goldie Coxxx, O’ Holy Nuts, Just (?), and AccuPrick

5. Hugh Heifer for having her own party

6. Just Troy for his naming. Feul for the fire: he lost his virginity in grandma’s back yard, he’s been caught sniffing bicycle seats, he’s been busted banging his girlfriend at the time in the bathroom of a bookstore. Thoughts (not many): Grandma’s Glory Hole, Depends…. Also tabled.

7. HashShit wearers pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm

8. Goldie Coxxx for her birthday

9.  Finger Nips who went to SLOH3 and apparently got laid and met another Flipper. Did she get laid by Flipper? I think I’ve seen something on the internet about that…..

10. Johnny Cockring and Just (?), I’m not sure why.

Finally back to the namings. Due to the fog lifting off our brains for a moment and the popular votes, Just Troy is now known and GammyGazm and Just Wendy is now known as ZipHerLips. Amen. May the hash get a piece!!!

ON ON ON, where the heck else but Double Oh Seven!!! We continued to have fun until the wee hours while Jeff poured us yummy spirits. And we all made it home safely! Cheers!

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