Hash Trash #488

The Pack:

The Justs:

Just Shawn, JustJames, Just Sri

The Virgins:

Virgin Joaquin, Virgin John

The Hares:

D-based, RalphRUCrammedIn

The Convocation

We all met at the Surfrider Café, in Downtown Santa Cruz. It’s a pretty new place, having just replaced Café LaVie, whichwas an organic health food store that went belly up a few months ago. There were lots of people gathered together, maybe because Just Sri, who works at the Surfrider, had them extend happy hour. That means that everyone was drinking beer for $2 a pop. You know that hashers aren’t going to pass that up.

Circle Up!

Yeah, right. We had a shitload of people at this hash. When the call was made for everyone to circle up, the question I had was “Where?” There were at least two planter boxes, some tables, and a variety of other obstacles that made circling up pretty difficult. Plus, it was pretty crowded as we were crammed in between 3 buildings on a small outside patio. I’m fairly certain that pretty soon during one of the upcoming hashes, there’s going to be a circle up inside a fucking phone booth.

On-On!

This was one of the most casual hashes that I’d ever been on. Maybe it was because we had an RA from the Portland Humpin’ Hash in Oregon (Naughty Girl) and more than our fair share of visitors.  I knew it was going to be different when hashers were bringing open containers and smoking cigarettes while on trail.

While on Front Street headed towards the levy, BrokenShaft found someone’s crack pipe (I think that it just fell out of his pocket, and he claimed that he found it). We dodged some fast moving bicyclists while on the actual levy heading towards San Lorenzo Park.

The pack was temporarily thrown by a check, but found trail and went to San Lorenzo Park. We crossed the bridge, and were on the other side when Naughty Girl sketched two tits on the side walk, stepped back, and waited.

Boob Check

Poor Naughty Girl:  he came all the way from Oregon to see some breasts, even demonstrating his artistic skills by drawing a pair on the sidewalk. Unfortunately, no one took him up on his offer.

 “What the fuck, don’t you guys do boob checks here?” he asked HairyPotter. “Shit, “Hairy replied, “I’ve been trying to introduce that concept for some time, now. These folks just don’t do that.”

Well, one folk did do that: CuffMyMuff. Later on during the trail, Naughty Girl ran ahead about 60 paces, drew another pair of tits on the ground, and stood waiting. Cuff sauntered up and showed him her wares. Naughty was a lot happier after that.

Beer Check

Beer check was held in a garage at an apartment complex on Mission Street. RalphRUCrammedIn was borrowing the garage, but he did live in an adjacent apartment.

While we were there we found out that PCP was the only one to brave the river crossing (San Lorenzo River) that D-based conjured up.

Cheek’NDong made it up to his waist before he said “Fuck this shit.”

Religion

Religion was held on the top of the Garage. Every time we have religion there, we always see members of the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA) beating the shit out of one another with homemade medieval weapons while dressed in homemade armor. Big fun!

Someone who agrees with my assessment is Snatch.cum. She used to be in SCA for years.

“It’s great fun,” she related, “because the guys are in great shape from wearing all that armor and fighting all the time. I used to get laid a lot. I’d be like ‘Honey, when you’re done fighting, why don’t you come over here and fuck me.’”

Hey, everyone’s gotta have a hobby.

Down-Down’s

The following people were called up for down-downs:

• CuffMyMuff was called up to be beer fairy. She was even wearing cop socks to mark the occasion.
• Naughty Girl, for being RA in the Portland hash. PixellatedObscenity and HairyPotter were called up because if one drinks, they all drink.
• Virgin Joaquin, told a joke.
• Virgin John told a joke THAT WOULDN’T FUCKING END. I think we went through a couple of season changes before he was done. We’d all heard the joke before (Death by ooga-booga), but in a much abridged version. At the end of it, TinyWhiny said that he’d of rather have seen the guy’s dick than sit through his joke.
• Just Sri, for getting us into the Surfrider Café for happy hour. She risked unemployment for doing so.
• StupidPussy, ButtBalls, CheekNDong, LittleAnalAnnie, AppleBobber, and HandJob#5 , for backsliding.
• Banana, BrokeBench, Timmy! And TinyWhinyBitch ,  for having a private party. Something about buying a bar.
• BrokeBench , for tech on trail. He also received his 69 Patch.
• DogBreath was called up to drink out of the dog bowl.
• RalphRUCrammedIn, PCP, CheekNDong , for crossing, or attempting to cross San Lorenzo river.
• Snatch.cum, for admission of racist activity.
• ButtBalls, for dropping his beer.
• BananaBasher, for starting a song that had already been sung.
• RalphRUCrammedIn and D-based for haring

That’s all for now.

~O’ Holy Nutz

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