Hash Trash #494

Written by O Holy Nutz

Wednesday, 09 December 2009

This is the same method used by the Soviet Union (KGB) and The East Germans (Stazi) to keep the population in line. Are we becoming the Communist Hash or what?

Hash #494

The Pack: CSI, Rod Lover, Takes It Like A Man, Puff The Magic Drag Queen, Vince LamBlowMe, Zipper Lips, Snatch.cum, Cereal Box, dBASED, Cuff My Muff, Cumz Out My Noze, Dog Breath, Hugh Heiffer, Pixellated Obscenity, Sunday Semen, Broke Bench Mountain, Broken Shaft.

The Justs: Just AJ, Just Joaquin, Just Matt.

The Virgins: Virgin Susan

The Hare: Banana Basher

Location: JJ’s Bar and Grill

The Convocation

Everyone was piled into JJ’s Bar and Grill in Aptos when I arrived. Our new RA, CSI, immediately pulled me aside and informed me that I was to help him out by mingling with the hashers throughout the night, and take down notes on what they were doing, then report them to him for down-downs during religion. Basically, he wanted me to narc on my fellow hashers just like Ralph RU Crammed in did for Jordass when Jordass was RA.

This is the same method used by the Soviet Union (KGB) and The East Germans (Stazi) to keep the population in line. Are we becoming the Communist Hash or what? Next thing you know, instead of having down-downs for infractions, CSI (Cum, Sluts and Incest), or should that be KSI, (Komrad Surveillance Informant) will be taking offending hashers who aren’t towing the party line, shipping them off to the Lubyanka, and having them shot in the back of the neck. Holy fuck, hashers, the Great Purge will be coming soon, RUN!!!

On-On!

Circle Up was quick, and there was nothing worth repeating. So let’s get onto trail, shall we?

The pack took off from the back of JJ’s and meandered through downtown Aptos for a ways. We lost trail for a while, then found it again. It’s really fun to hash in business districts, because employees and owners always come out of their businesses asking just what the hell are these people doing. So we got our fair share of onlookers while we pursued the trail.

The flour led us out of downtown Soquel, through “Blueballs” Park (you can thank Puff for informing me of that name) where it took us about 20-minutes to find trail again. Since it was dark, we were using flashlights, which provided a challenge.

From Blueballs Park, we made our way behind Soquel High School where there was a water polo match in session, carefully avoiding stepping in a creek obscured by the dark. The beauty of where this trail led at this point was that you couldn’t distinguish which voices and whistles were the water polo coaches and players, and which were the hashers. Pretty devious, Banana.

Religion

There was a quick beer check, and from there the pack returned to the parking lot of JJ’s Bar and Grill.

Below is a list of the down-downs for non-compliant Party Members.

· Komrade Vince LamBlowMe, was beer fairy.

· Komrade dBASED, for being a super- achieving FRB (or is that SOB?). He was 27-seconds behind Banana at one point in the trail. He put himself first before the party; that won’t fly under the new regime.

· Komrades Broke Bench (for defiling Broken Shaft) and Broken Shaft (for letting it happen).

· Komrade Hugh Heiffer, for teaching Cheerio the Dog, to pee.

· Komrade Tiny Whiny Bitch, for impersonating Jack Nicholson. Tiny is now sporting black hair and no facial hair at all. Maybe he’s on the run from the KGB.

· Komrade d-Based, for kissing on his girlfriend at JJ’s. Komrade Cereal Box was called up for telling everyone that d-Based is her girlfriend, thus making it difficult for d-Based to get laid.

· Komrade Banana Basher, for joining the ranks of this nation’s unemployed. This would never happen if we followed Marxist doctrine.

· Komrade Rod Lover, for carrying a huge maglight.

· Komrade Cereal Box, for starting a song that was already sung. This was her second offense of the night, so she should be off to the gulag soon.

· Komrade Sunday Semen, just because.

· Komrade Dog Breath, just because KSI wanted to utilize the dog bowl.

· Komrade Rod Lover, again. Because he missed so many down-downs at the AGM. He’ll be joining Cereal Box in the gulag. That maglight should come in really handy.

· Finally, some asshole allowed his dog to wander in the circle. A quick dogfight broke out and was quickly resolved.

That’s all I got for now. Sorry I’m behind on the hash trashes everyone. I have more time on my hands now, so I’ll get us up to date.

~Komrade O’ HolyNutz

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