OK, my New Year’s resolution was to get the trashes out on a more timely manner. Since this hash was on 12/26 it is automatically disqualified, right? No, really, I have been patiently awaiting the attendance sheet, which has still not found its way to me. So, I will write and post, and if and when I ever get said sheet, I will post under separate cover. My apologies to you all for being so tardy!

The pack parks behind Home Depot on 41^st and makes our way to a very dry home. The beer wagon has not yet arrived and the pack is very thirsty. Just as we all begin to twitch in alcoholic withdrawals, BBM shows up with the trough to wet our whistles. Whew! Banana, for one, was beginning to froth at the mouth.

This hash turns out to be a picture hash where the clues are given as photos of each ‘check’ and upon reaching each site we are given the next clue. As dBased is delivering his instructions to our now buzzing half brains, someone yells out “it doesn’t really matter, just follow Banana!” Sad, but true. The first picture clue is given to the GM, and the hare is out.

As we circle up in a nice-sized group, the Cal Transvestite is given to the jolly My Lil Boney and the safety hat is donned on Apple Bobber. He must be a serious back slider because this is the first time I’ve ever laid eyes on him. The first picture is revealed, and our destination is Ocean Honda. The pack treads out across Highway 1 toward the strip of car dealerships.

The only really memorable event that happened this early was that Nips’ dog, Senna, stepped on MY foot and SHE yelped. Nips told me not to worry, Senna has sensitive feet. What? The dog steps on me and yelps, maybe Nips should worry about Senna!

I’ll just lay down a quick progression here because either I was in a dull mood or not too much was happening until we had been walking way too long and began to get cranky. After Ocean Honda, the pack headed for the Capitola Library, then on to Burger King on 41^st, and then to Victoria’s Secret. Naturally, here is where things begin to get interesting.

We head into the mall through the vast emptiness of the closing Mervyn’s. Finger Nips fearlessly treads in with Senna in tow. Why not? Senna looks like a companion dog, right? And when Nips gets that look in her eye who on earth is going to stop her? Needless to say, we got some very odd looks traipsing into the mall with our beer, hash clothing, backpacks, necklaces, and the dog. 

We somehow make it into the guts of the mall and head toward Victoria’s Secret. After standing outside and looking at each other in confusion for a few moments, a few of us brave the sales floor and walk inside. The staff was utterly speechless, looking at us much as though we were little green men wandering through their store. Finally, one cheeky sales girl musters up the guts to ask “can I help you?” If our half mind can fill in the blank there, it probably was said. Just in time we hear a yell from the mall and Little Spit has been spotted out at the fountain with the next picture: Ross Dress for Less.

We all quickly leave the mall with thanks that we were not arrested for any number of infractions. As we exit through the dying Mervyn’s, Yellow Prick Load decides to steal a sign. Why is it that our over the hill brethren like to steal signs when they visit Santa Cruz? This one happens to be a huge SALE sign. I had to ask YPL if he thought it necessary to advertise the fact that he is for sale. And exactly what is his price? Well, beer, of course!

After walking by Ross and the final picture destination, KFC, we head over Highway 1 again in the direction of dBased’s condo. At this point, about half of the pack decides that the end is here and we dive into the trough. Just as we are bitching and moaning about no beer check and wondering where the rest of the pack is, Daddy shows up and tells us that we just didn’t go far enough to find the beer check. OK, this has happened twice in recent months. Hares, we are lazy and we like to drink beer. It is unreasonable to think for a second that we will pass up the trough for a longer trail just to make it to the beer check. Unless there is food. After traveling past all those food joints the pack was hungry, so we actually began to head down the hill to the beer check. That is, until we ran into Boney returning from the beer check and thought to ask if there was food. With the negative reply, we all did a quick 180 and headed back to the trough. The rest of the pack was not far behind.

We begin religion with Broken Shaft as RA. He appoints O Holy Nuts as Beer Fairy. First up are our visitors: Vintage Beaver and Cork Sucker. They are responsible for bringing Flaccid Capacitor into being and were up visiting from San Diego. Next up were the much nearer visitors from over the hill. Six of Nine, Morning Missile, and Yellow Prick Load decided to bring their special holiday cheer for us all to enjoy.

Broken Shaft asks the pack for crimes on trail. The first one exemplifies the FHAC-U spirit I just mentioned. YPL was caught red-handed using technology on trail. No big deal, you may say, but the call itself was classic. You see, I suppose YPL was missing Six, so he called to see where he was. Six answers his phone and inform YPL that he is walking right in front of him. YPL must have been staring into the sun too long on the way over Hwy 17.

Next up was snatch.cum for sampling some goodies in Victoria’s Secret. It seems they had a display of flavored massage oils out, and snatch just couldn’t resist. She reported that the strawberry tasted pretty good. When the circle was asked if anyone had a song, Serial Box jumped up and down yelling “I do, I do” (two words that she has said quite often in her life). Then when she had all of our attention, she forgot the words or the song or something, because all that came our of her lips was “ummmmm”.

My Lil Boney and Apple Bobber were called up to the altar next for wearing the hash shit. Finally, the hares were called up and we got to vent our feelings about trail. No mention of on on on, so we just dispersed and I’m sure a few folks ended up at 007. Just a guess. So ended hash #444, the picture hash. May the hash get a piece!

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