As if…

As if it wasn’t enough we were not allowed to visit a Mexican restaurant on Cinco de Mayo, as if it wasn’t enough our traveling kennel was moved to the very edge of civilization in Boulder Creek, as if it wasn’t enough that the promised “stroll through the park”, “literally-just-around-the-block” trail stretched on for miles and miles, as if it wasn’t enough. As if ALL that wasn’t enough, we were made to suffer through yet another outing with Cumz Out My Nose and Hugh Heifer as our hare-pair. In fairness though, they shall receive a shout-out for stepping up and haring with only a weeks notice. That’s not much time to put a trail together…and it showed.

Point A was Boulder Creek Brewery. It’s like Joe’s with food but without the ambiance. Banana Basher arrived even before the hashers that live in this outpost of ornery critters. He was soon joined by Foot Loose & Panty Free and her dad. He was told this would not be a good trail to hash his first time out so he wisely opted to stay and eat rather than on-out with the rest of we idiots.

After the usual introductions were handled, trail started out on Highway 9 towards town and took the first on-right onto East Lomond Street and two blocks later on-left onto Middleton Avenue and then past the amazingly boringly named Boulder Creek Park and back to Highway 9. Here we were directed on-left, across the street and then to utilize a locals-only narrow alley between two buildings and to then on-left on Pine Street. Pine was used until West Lomond Street where we executed an on-right and started an on-up as well. At the end of West Lomond, we began to trespass onto school grounds and exited them through a possibly-illegal locals-only hole in the playground fence and headed on-down a hill trying NOT to fall but definitely trying TO avoid the numerous patches of poison oak that abounded. After successfully negotiating the shiggy, our snouts were pointed on-left onto Alpine Drive and then on-right onto Redwood Drive. We’re starting to run out of pavement and houses both we’re so damn far out of town by now. The next on-left, Sunshine Lane,(though the redwoods are too thick to allow any in) was taken. We then crossed Hazel Avenue onto Davidson Way. The next street on-right was Saint Francis Drive. Not only is the name sort of neat, it also revealed a BN-TN mark which pleased us even more. We were soon sipping beer and tequila with the hare-pair. On-in was back the same treacherous way we’d arrived and make an on-right onto Pine Street to where we’ve held Religion before.

Once there, we foolishly elected Maladjusted Mob-rule Religious Adviser who then saddled Broke Bench with being Beer Fairy. Religion was mercifully short. The lowlights were: TIMMY for being a short-cutting bastard; Goat Blower and Dr. Nappy for not hashing trail and Pussy Galore for coming up with some bizarre name nomination for Just Diana. It had something to do with a squirrel. Ask PG when next you see her, personally I attempted to ignore it. Speaking of Diana, having completed her fifth hash with us she was encumbered with a detestable moniker: Canadian Penny Slut.

For on-on-on, the Creekers stayed at home while the Cruzers cruised on-down from the mountains and were seen at the Rush Inn for a short while.

That’s pretty much how the disaster that was Trail 576 transpired. At least no one died.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty “G”, the Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the tenth day of May in the year of our Hash two-thousand eleven.

On-out,

Puff the Magic Drag Queen