Happy Birthday!
Albeit actually a week late. That’s okay, the fact we survived another year is enough for me. There were times this past year, with the pack in single digits, I feared for our continuation. But that’s all behind us now and year twelve is underway. Let’s look back over Trail 605 and the AGM. It’s much safer to do this now that it’s over and all the fines have been paid.
We began from the banquet room in the Palomar Hotel as we did last year. The herd was chomping at the bit by the time I arrived and it was making the wait staff more than a little nervous.
Soon Banana made his Instructions of Trail public and part of them included the fact Hugh Heifer would lead a walkers trail. More on those people later but for now let’s on-out with the runners. There was a check just outside the front door on Pacific Avenue and upon seeing it dBASED begins yelling Check! at the top of his lungs. Nearby mortals scurried for cover thinking he was a flipped-out homeless guy. Well, they were HALF right.
Trail was located on-left on Pacific and then on-right on Walnut Avenue. Why we didn’t stop at 99 Bottles remains a mystery to me. Trail then turned on-left onto Cedar Street. The check on the corner of Lincoln caused minor confusion. Our crafty hare did not stick with just streets, he took us through the parking lot and brought us to Cathcart Street just opposite Hula’s. Did we stop there? But of course not, another opportunity for a Beer Check missed. On-left on Cathcart and across Pacific brought us to another check at the intersection with Front Street. To our right was the Surf Rider Cafe and again we passed by an excellent choice for a Beer Check. Here even more confusion as an on-two across Front onto the levee had hounds fearing for their safety. Now that all the homeless have moved in with Occupy Santa Cruz behind the courthouse, there’s no one left on the levee except druggies and robbers. Eventually flour was located on Front heading towards Soquel Avenue. Once there, our highly-favored Beer Near mark was observed directing us to mount the parking garage on the corner of Front and Soquel and locate the hare who would be residing in the uppermost floor with beer for us. It was so done.
Once on the roof, we noticed a car with two people in it apparently having some sort of private party. More on them later. Pixilated Obscenity has agreed to play Religious Adviser for only the second time this year. However, we seem to be waiting on the walkers! How could they possibly be taking to long? The Palomar Hotel is actually visible from our current location. A phone call reveals the fact the walkers have been hijacked and are now firmly ensconced at the Rush Inn. Religion convened as soon as these drunkards staggered in from the Inn.
Pixilated Obscenity, subscribing to the theory the more men the better, corrals not one, not even two, but THREE harriers as her Beer Faeries for the evening: Vince, Tiny Whiny Bitch and Broke Bench Mountain. She kept them busy too. Here is but a small sampling of the evil unleashed upon Surf City this night: Yellow Prick Load for wearing a shirt demanding the legalization of pot and wearing camouflage pants, the non-runners/Rush Inn crowd was brought up, Virgin Andrea was accompanied to the altar by her sponsor Occasional Rapist, Wicker Retahted was chastised for telling people we throw ‘flours’ on trail, TIMMY acted as a stand-in for son-in-law Ralph Crammed-In’s 169th hash down-down, Wicker Retahted (again) for walking up to the altar and telling Pixie what a great job she was doing as RA, dBASED for looking pregnant, last but not least the RA brought up the party-pair who’d been playing Peeping Tom from the safety of their car. This would be Blake and Makayla. They were awarded voyeur down-downs and allowed to return to their vehicle. It was about this time when everyone began to get hungry so the RA dismissed the pack and we reconvened back in the Palomar. Those with five or more hashes the past year received a ballot upon entering the room and did their civic duty and voted. Food was then served and everyone pigged-out for a while.
Next was the award presentations. There were not only far too many to chronicle but most of us were undeserving of an award so I’ll mention but a few: Wicked Retahted for Most Appropriate Name, Goggler for surviving another year of being single, Bony for successfully becoming intoxicated for the second time in one day today, TW Bitch received the Pig Award, Broke Bench received the Biggest Troublemaker of the Year Award, Shallow Hole for taking a lot of crap from Banana this year and not hitting him and Waxi-Pad for letting Banana give her crap and not hitting him himself. Last was the coveted Wanker of the Year Award and this went hands-down to Wicked Retahted. The last piece of business was announcing the coming year’s Mismanagers. They are: TIMMY as GM, Vince Lamblowme and Accuprick as co-Religious Advisers, Shallow Hole and Occasional Rapist as co-Scribes and dBASED will continue in the On-Sec position.
On-on-on (as if we needed one) was in the Palomar cantina and was attended by My Little Bony, TIMMY, Pixilated Obscenity and DuuHHH. On-on-on-on was at the Double-Oh of course and featured Bony and Banana.
Goodbye to year eleven, hello year twelve.
By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty “G”, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twentieth day of November in the year of our Hash two-thousand eleven.
On-out,
Puff the Magic Drag Queen