A communication for Occasional Rapist at 5:15 indicated she thought the chill of the evening air was too much for continuing illness and that I was on as scribe again. She didn’t even bother to tell me what was Shallow Hole’s problem, but as best as I can figure, it was related to skunks.

No one had volunteered to be the hare, so Timmy brought us to his favorite watering hole, The Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery. Banana Basher decided he would not melt this week and decided to show his snout. Vince Lanblowme indicated that he was paying for Six of Nine, but when Six showed up later on, he changed his mind! I saw Banana Basher as we departed our watering hole, but after that he disappeared into the night. The last time we were here was Occasional Rapist second hash ever. She disappeared into the night that night too. Amazingly, that night we more worried about The Rapist than The Basher this night.

Tonight’s trail started with a check in front of our start, but numerous people seem to have seen Timmy head towards New Leaf, so we all went that way. Another check was found at Almar, just past New Leaf. I checked on straight and had gone further than I thought I need to go with no marks, yet Puff seemed to be following me. I was simply following what I learned on my first hash in 1998, “A real Hasher never goes back”. Just, then I discovered flour, and then another check at the intersection of the railroad tracks,  Rankin St and Seaside St. Again, I proceeded straight. This time after a block of no flour, I looked back at the pack, to see whether I should proceed left or right. Going back this early in the game would be an act of surrender and I decided to parallel the pack. The pack proceed right, and so did I on Younglove Ave. That was my last sighting of the pack until a few block from the beer check.

When I got to the center circle, I went right to head back towards the pack and found a check coming out of some alley. This is when trouble began I do believe. I think the last time I was this turned around was doing a hash in London in the fall of 2002. At that hash, I nearly had to run the trail 5 miles backwards when it disappeared on me. Oh the days before I had a GPS!

I checked right at the circles and soon came upon a back check. What? A back check? I wasn’t even on trail! I continued on and found true trail not long afterward on California. However, my mind said I was on Woodrow and headed towards the beach. I encountered some check on Woodrow and continued on straight, expecting to soon reach West Cliff. Boy was I surprised when I hit Bay Ave!

Now, I figured trail had to be to my right somewhere, so I turned right at the first street I encountered, which according to my trail map was Continental and found flour not long afterward. When I passed over a wide street, my mind said I was crossing over Woodrow, which I thought I was on previously. However, I had crossed over Delaware, for which I thought I was on a parallel course.

Next, I encountered a check at Columbus and Plateau, for which I continued on straight once again. After no trail was encountered, I turned right to parallel once again. Then, I came across Woodrow again, so it seemed! Boy was I confused.

I turned right on Woodrow and found trail at Woodrow and Plateau. Now was my conundrum, was true trail left or right? I turned right, and encountered Puff and Thmp-Tmp at the check I previous been at, at Plateau and Columbus. They assured me I was going the wrong way, so I turned around and crossed Woodrow one more time. Off of Plateau, trail went through the park and my mind said I was heading towards West Cliff. However, I was heading away from West Cliff.

A left on Delaware brought me to a check at Delaware and Alma. I looked right and expected to West Cliff. However, West Cliff was the other way. As at most other checks, I continued on straight. However, this time, because I was so confused, I returned to the check when it was evident trail did not continue in this direction. I checked on Alma away from West Cliff, and soon found Timmy guarding the beer in a park, with Too Drunk to Fuck and Get up and Run Bitch in toe.

I looked at this park and said to myself, “Where am I?” It looks familiar. It took a few minutes for my mind to register Garfied Park.

After all (excluding Banana Basher), had shown up, we plodded back to the start. Someone with often wears a cowbay hat showed up at the beer check who had not been at the start, but seeing as he didn’t pay, he shall remain nameless. I made sure I plodded back to start with the pack, as my mind still didn’t quite know where I was.

Our master of ceremonies for the evening was Accuprick. Before down-downs, he and I sang a couple of versus of I used to Work in Chicago ..  I don’t work there any more, and my girl friends a …

Now on to tonite’s main festivities and what I can remember of them. There was Tiny Winy Bitch for showing his snout only at the end. There was Vince Lamblowme for 250 Hashes. There was Get up and Run Bitch for wearing a lobster bib. And, there was Hairy Potter and Chocka Cola for their impending nuptuals in April. They are not having a Hash wedding and none of us are invited. Shame on them! It’s being held at some ritzy National Park called Yosemite. I heard it said before the Hash that Hairy Potter indicated that Chocka Cola wants a baby and that’s why they are getting married. However, I saw Ms. Cola not drink her down-down and drinking water later. How soon is the baby Chocka? Timmy was congratulated for completing his 25th haring, even though tonight was his 28th.

After this, Accuprick indicated we should all go home and get a piece. And I did. And there was much rejoicing.