After the previous week mini-marathon set by Timmy and Puff the pack was look for some relief in our hare du-jour Banana Basher and they got it in one of Surf City’s most boring trails ever. It was so boring, Banana never even set a false. There was 5 feet of shiggy, but otherwise it was a 1.87 mile pavement pounder with an amazing 26 feet of elevation gain.  The only Surf City Hashes more boring have been Piss ‘N Booths march to the sea (which I missed) and my trail which had only 4 right turns. At least it had some falses.

I arrived a bit late to the hash and I followed the first order business when you are late – look for  flour as you driving. I didn’t find flour, but I did find the hare. However, he was only a block from the start, so not much advantage gained.

Before I arrived, Timmy is rumored to have chipped the unchipped martini glass in the Crepe Place.

There was some confusion at who was the scribe as I arrived. In that Shallow Hole had been the scribe the previous week, it had been determined it was Occasional Rapist turn. However, The Rapist was commandeered to a work assignment (a meeting) and had to miss this Hash in theory. I say in theory, as she paid anyway and is included in the Hash Count. I had agreed to take her place this week, but as I arrived, Puff indicated Shallow Hole was to be the scribe. Puff recalled my recent failure at scribing (did anyone other than Occasional Rapist and Puff notice?) and thought Shallow Hole was a better idea. He also noted Shallow Hole’s success at being Hash Cash the week before and offered that to her as well. Shallow Hole declined both offers and I had a job to do.  (Note that Puff will be the scribe for the Red Dress Run.)

Round the first corner, I came upon Shallow Hole and Deep Stroke who seemed to have forgotten that Winter is no longer with us. They claimed they were so warmly attired because they are tender sweet young things.

We turned about 6 more turns and there was Banana huffing and puffing at the beer check, even though he had been done for 10 minutes.

As Deep Stroke arrived at the beer check, she asked for the second week in a row if she had won the race?

As Dog Breath arrived, he claimed to be worried about Poison Oak from the 5 feet of shiggy and said he needed someone to pee on it to sanitize it. He wander if Deep Stroke could help out.

Broke Bench Mountain arrived at the beer check and proceed to initiate some stretching. WTF? He is also the only Hasher to notice the new hash count format.

After the long and grueling route to Puff’s house for religion, Accuprick assumed the role of RA and Butt Balls as his assistant.  Butt Balls was to be Beer Fairy, but Princess Diarrhea was dying to do it, so her desires were rewarded. Accupricks’ first act of business was to hand out free lube for the women.

Hugh Heffer sat in the stoner section as usual.

dBASED was given a down down for looking like a Hare Krishna.

It was revealed that there was portal into Puff’s bedroom where you could see his porn and Cuff My Muff said she had some of it. I was going to ask why I’ve never heard of this portal before, but now I’m scared I know. Deep Stroke thought the portal surely revealed Candy and Dildo’s.

Pearl Necklace was brought to the alter for peeing someone’s front yard where he could clearly be seen out the front door.

Wicked Retahted was brought to the alter for stealing beer from the alter before religion. Wicked – the good stuff is in the cooler!

I’ve seen a disgusting trend among Hashers in the region for which I think Chocka Cola and Hairy Potter started. Next was Douche of Hazzard, Arabian Goggler and most recently Morning Missle. The crime is to hideous to even name, but Chocka Cola and Hairy Potter were punished for completing the deed in the past month. Next we need to punish Hairy for not getting Chocka pregnant!

Princess Diarrhea had an underwear story to tell. Apparently Thmp-Thmp wants to design some sort of Hash TShirt that has a Y Front. I think Banana Basher would look especially flashy in such an outfit!

Banana asked if a man falls in the bedroom, can you hear it? I’m thinking he must have a lot of practice.

Pussy Galore was granted a down-down for sex in the circle with Broken Bench Mountain.

Finally, comments on trail were received. The newbies liked it. Shallow Hole said it was to short. She was reminded it was trail she was commenting on trail and not what she was to observe in the bedroom later that evening. Naturally, there was universal condemnation from the rest of the pack.

Accuprick then asked the pack go home (or go to the 007) and get a piece. And I did. And there was much rejoicing.