Trail 695 was neither short nor sweet. But that’s nothing a little shortcutting couldn’t fix! Word on the street was that dBASED was haring a trail that had been previously aborted due to “high water levels”. The unlucky pack got a second chance at soaking their socks this week. We gathered up at Aptos St. BBQ where they had a specially-dedicated beertender just for us! I can tell you now that was our favorite thing about trail right there.
dBASED made his announcements before heading off: #1 – a free M-Word Hash rego was out there for the finding. Watch for a dead animal skull along trail in order to claim the prize. Such a romantic symbol of everlasting love! #2 – there’s a SURPRISE!!! I suppose dipping your toes in ice water could be considered surprising, even though we were all expecting it. We know to actually dread any of dBASED’s surprises, because they’re never a good thing. Wise Banana Basher and Cuff My Muff were bailing trail to hang at the Windjammer. If we had any sense at all, we would have joined them.
We circled up and headed out. It was nice to see Monthly Friend had returned ahead of cycle with The Human Pube after her most unfortunate naming on 4th of July. Our plan was to casually walk trail together, but I soon realized Cumcerto was missing from the pack and went back to look for her. This caused me to get so far behind, there was no choice but to shortcut if I was supposed to get through this thing walking. Don’t know much about where real trail went, but for those who care, it was something like…Aptos BBQ –> RR trax –> Rio Del Mar Blvd. –> Rio Del Mar Flats –> Seacliff Beach stairs –> RR trax –> Aptos Village Soccer Field –> wading through Aptos Creek –> Aptos Village Park beer check!
Beer check was in a quiet grove in the park near the creek. Hashers were comparing notes about the creek slogging and their wet feet. There was a rumor the water was taint-deep, but there didn’t seem to be any dripping shorts around. The best thing about beer check was that dBASED provided enough beer this time. That almost never happens. It’s like he knows we’re likely to avoid showing up for his trails. Or he hopes we all die out there and never make it to beer check. He does what he can to try and make that happen. Good thing there was enough beer while we had a “fun” game to play: Whose Dog Just Shitted? Was it Cumz Like a Dog’s or Occasional Rapist’s??? We couldn’t quite ID it by stench alone.
Religion was held behind that old apple barn/antique mall by the post office. It was there that I realized I paid dearly in karma for my shortcutting ways by losing my really cool Fisher Space Pen along the way. If anybody found it, PLEASE bring it back home to Planet Princess! I mooched a pen from fellow scribette Shallow Hole and got back to playing religion reporter. Accuprick RA’d and Fudgina was beer fairy. Cuff, Fudge and Brokebench Mountain didn’t make it to beer check, but they were drunk anyway (as per usual). Backslider Banana had his first doctor-OK’d beer in many months…ah, sweet nectar. The sneaky bastards who hadn’t paid their hash cash–Just Adam, Ghettoman and Cumcerto–were forced to cough up the cash and drink down the shitty beer. We all learned that Fudge and Brokebench were reform schoolmates in their delinquent years. All wankers with dry shoes drank. Shiny Snail Trail 
(with bouncy Pippi Longstocking braids) was wearing a shocker shirt and Cuff was wearing a Save Second Base breast cancer awareness shirt. Timmy!!! didn’t know what second base is. But he does know what the shocker is. Makes us wonder if he has a reputation for hitting triples with the ladies. We ate cupcakes and cursed the birthdays of Cuff and hare dBASED before we let him know exactly how much we thought his trail sucked.
On on on was back at Aptos St. BBQ once dBASED persuaded them to stay open for us by promising at least 10 people would order food for their drunk bellies. Just Adam gets a special award for taking Pippi Longdrinking home. He’s up for naming soon, so perhaps we can reward him by giving him a name he can truly be ashamed of.
Next hash will start at the Crepe Place. But you probably know all about it and then some from Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s super duper superfluous trail announcement below. Expect his trail to be even longer than his ramblings.
On-on,
Princess Di(arrhea)