For Hash # 704, the pack returned to the west side of town. TIMMY!!! was the Hare this week and chose Ye Ole Watering Hole as the starting point. TIMMY!!! confessed, that even though it’s the closest bar to his house, it’s so shitty of a place, that even HE would not normally hang out there.
After a few cocktails, the pack circled up out back, and then started searching for trail. This proved difficult because the hare didn’t make it easy to find. To make matters worse, some hashers got confused by the pink flour marks that were left behind 2 weeks earlier. Eventually we were on on, crossed Mission Street to King Street and headed up a big hill (oh joy!). A check was solved and took us left on Escalona for a couple blocks, and then into a wooded area on to dirt trails to a paved road along Arroyo Seco Canyon. Some hashers were particularly excited to be there! 
After exiting the woods, we headed left on Meder Street for several blocks, past the Jewish Cemetery, and into Moore Creek Preserve. There was a liquor check with a bottle of Fireball in the woods. Whoo Hoo!
The trail continued to the top of the hill, through a pasture, where we dodged cow pies and pissed off a bunch of cows eating their dinner. Hugh Heifer got to socialize with her bovine relatives and ask for their forgiveness for eating beef at Beat Your Meat. I heard there were sightings of cows fornicating, but did not witness any cow porn. The pack left the farm, crossed Highway 1 and went left on Mission Street, past the Housing Authority, and right on Natural Bridges. Hashers found beer check in a parking lot on the right. The pack walked to Religion along the railroad tracks to the Safeway parking lot. The big topic of discussion was snap chatting and a TV show about a man with a 132 pound scrotum.
Accuprick was the RA and nominated Just Anne as his lovely Beer Fairy. She was 
especially excited about getting to wear the lighted tiara for the first time. Broke Bench Mountain got a down down for his usual stupidity and threw beer in Accuprick’s face. We celebrated a few Analversaries! It was Dog Breath’s 200th, dBASED’s 550th, and Puff the Magic Drag Queen’s 625th Surf City Hash! Get a life for Crist sake! A few Harriettes drank for being “attempted pussy patters”. Twat Did You Say?, Shiny Snail trail and Just Anne tried to befriend a cat on trail. Dog Breath drank too for acting like a dog and chased the cat away. Shiny Snail Trail was chastised for knocking on a stranger’s door to ask for feminine hygiene products on a past trail. Broke Bench Mountain drank again for not making any sense. No shock there! Shiny Snail Trail was punished for snap chatting the whole trail. Dung Fu Grip ratted out several hashers (Shiny Snail Trail, Diddler on the Roofie, Pink Cherry Licker, Puff the Magic Drag Queen and Ghetto Man), who were not paying attention and missed the beer near arrow and went past beer check. Hash Lesson # 1: Follow the TRAIL, not blindly follow other hashers! Especially if it’s dBASED! TIMMY!!! and Just Anne were punished for wearing racist shirts.
And last but not least, the Hare! This trail was 4.5 miles according to my GPS. Have fun scraping the bull shit off your shoes!
On On,
Shallow Hole