We brought the shininess to The Parish last week in honor of Shiny Snail Trail’s birthday. Shallow Hole and Shiny Snail Trail were our sequin-spangled hares. Pink Cherry Licker brought body glitter for any hashers who didn’t bring their own glam. Cuff rubbed some under her eyes like a disco football player. Twat Did You Say? rubbed some all over her face, then Hugh Heifer rubbed her face on Twat’s face. In essence, Hugh pretty much swapped her hippie patchouli oil for Twat’s glitter. Diddler on the Roofie was wearing a silver shirt with colorful swirls that made him look just like a grease slick in a gutter–probably exactly where he’ll end up by the end of the night. Dung-Fu Grip looked like a superhero with his long golden gloves. Which hero? FABUBLING!! Puff was having technical dooficulties with his camera, so a few hounds grabbed their phones and took some snapshots of us shimmering in the sun outside. During the shoot, I noticed a pink jewel on the ground and picked it up for a closer look. It was someone’s belly ring. Ewwww!!! Dirty Dolmas came to the rescue with hand sanitizer.

When we hit trail, all eyes were on us and our hella flashy steez. We were cheered on by honks as we rolled down Mission St. We turned on Swift to Delaware and then cut through my office’s parking lot. Thank gawd my fucking workaholic office mates had finally left for the day and didn’t catch a glimpse of me in my gold hot pants. We sneaked through a fence opening into Derby Park. The skateboarding kids barely batted an eye while we scrounged around for trail marks. Trail took us along West Cliff, through Bethany Curve and to Garfield Park for beer check with spiked watermelon juice and chocolate chip cookies. Our little party must’ve looked innocent enough to the cop that cruised by while Thmp-Thmp rocked on the horsie and Hugh swung on the tire swing (while leering at the fresh young meat on the basketball court). Riding the slides looked fun, but we wondered if sparks would fly off our asses from our shiny pants.

Religion was in the back of Safeway, the place where Shiny was named. dBASED was RA and Hugh was Beer Fairy (I think). Banana Basher told an old timey story of hashes gone by. Hugh got a down down because she didn’t bring beer for the trough AND she didn’t pay hash cash. Pinky was very disappointed with our circle formation. As she did a down down we shaped up, so her twisted plan worked! Thmp and I drank for being shiniest. Just Shannon was named Electric Labialand, thanks to Brokebench Mountain plus her pink dildo taser flashlight. A security guard was trollin’ the lot, but luckily he passed on by. Ghettoman and his visitor had a swig. Dung-Fu chugged for wanting to go through the creek tunnel at Derby Park instead of through the fence. Finger Nips and I figured heck, a man’s got urges. dBASED was flamed for being totally DFL. He did A trail, just not OUR trail. And the hares…

On on on was back at Parish, but when you’re old and gotta work at 7am, ain’t nobody got time for that.

Next week is Beat Your Meat in Aptos at Butt Balls’ and Lil Anal Annie’s house. You can bring a side dish and something to throw on the ‘cue, but it would be super appreciated if you bring $$$ for Second Harvest Food Bank.

On Out,
Princess Di(arrhea)