It was Bloody Sunday at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s mansion. Our kind hosts were serving up bloody marys at 7:30am to revive the r*cists. It was a pretty good turnout considering what we’d all put our livers through the day before at DeLaveaga. Shiny Snail Trail came bouncing up and was really excited about showing off her carved and decorated melon helmet. It was festooned with mint springs, Pupperoni and matches. She even decorated Bloody Wanker’s melon yarmulke with a jaunty sprouted garlic clove.
Wankers stayed behind on the porch drinking while r*cists headed to the Wharf to Wharf starting line. Got Wood, Slownad and I walked over to Beach St. to join the massive throng of ridiculously sober r*nners. I had the immediate feeling that this would not only be my first r*ce ever, it would totally be my last r*ce. Too much damn healthiness. Occasional Rapist, Shiny and Diddler on the Roofie had the right idea on this course…they were sure to make a stop at Brady’s. Later, they bailed out of the r*ce for good at Over the Hill Gang Saloon.
Six miles later, the rest of us made it to the finish line at The Brit. Even though I ran the whole damn thing, I was still DFL of the hashers. Woo-hoo!!! By that time The Brit was overflowing. Waiting for a drink was now futile, so we rounded up Timmy!!! and Dung-Fu Grip and headed back to Norm and Pearl’s to fill our bellies with cold free-flowin’ beers and hot BBQ leftovers.
Talk back at the mansion was that Cuff My Muff got manhandled on the course by some race volunteer. As she was r*nning by, dude grabbed her by the arm, stopped her and asked if she had a r*ce bib on (it was partially covered by her jacket). She said the unexpected stop completely jacked up her finish time. Dung-Fu seemed totally into Cuff’s story…obviously because he was jealous that he didn’t get any manhandling.
Puff the Magic Drag Queen finally showed up after sleeping in all morning like a lazy sod. Banana Basher couldn’t join us, so Puff took his place haring with Pearl Necklace. The W2B Hangover Hash trail is usually only a few blocks and literally ends across the street. Good thing Puff was well rested because his trail went all the way back to his house for beer check—a whole half mile! Maybe he could sneak in an extra nap during beer check. Hugh Heifer was a champ and carried Occasional along the trail. At least Occasional had made it back (semi-)alive from Over the Hill Gang, thanks to dBASED’s taxi. Poor Occasional was beer-stained, wine-stained and getting written on throughout beer check, so again dBASED got the car to ferry her back to the mansion and let her sleep it off.
Things were headed towards an all-out shit show at this point, so what a perfect time for religion! dBASED RA’d and Pink Cherry Licker beer fairy’d. Diddler and Shiny drank for not crossing the finish line. Hangover Hash newbies Paki Sak, Shiny, Fourth Cock from the Sun, Diddler, Bloody, Pinky, Pot Ho, and Dung-Fu all had a swig. Cumz Out My Nose didn’t make it to beer check, so she got to enjoy a warm shitty beer instead. In Occasional’s honor, Timmy!!! drank for being GM and not wearing a hash shirt during the r*ce (but he totally DID!). Bloody Wanker drank for being a visitor who was put up by Shallow Hole and Fingernips–BIG thanks to Hugh! Hugh might’ve taken Bloody in to her own abode if her daughter wasn’t visiting and her bed didn’t squeak so loud. And the hares…
For the big ass W2B finale…Shiny tried to light the matches her flaming melon helmet…
Pfffft.
Special thanks to Occasional Rapist and all of you drunks for keeping the barf in Wharf to Barf! We killed it this year!!
On-on,
Princess Di(arrhea)