‘Twas thirteen nights before Christmas and where should we gather,
But the Old Creepy Place, to drink and to blather.
We collected up toys from bike helmets to blocks,
And assembled them there to ship off to the tots.

Dressed up all as santas, some tame and some bawdy,
Some wore shiggy socks that read nice and naughty.
Some friends just stopped by at the start ‘cuz they’re lazy,
Pearl, Norm, Twat, Harry, Choka and Baby!

Then off we set, to follow the flour,
And brave Soquel traffic during rush hour.
And while we dodged two-doors, and hatchbacks and truckers,
From one car we heard “ON-ON MOTHERFUCKRS!”

Before long we found an elixir so sweet,
It warmed us up from our heads to our feet,
Hidden from hobos, and children, and cops,
Was a little glass bottle of peppermint schnopps.

Accuprick cried, “It won’t be enough,
Can’t you see all the Hashers that want at that stuff?”
Oh what a Grinch, to balk at us all,
Which organ of his is three sizes too small?

And last us it did and we ran round the ‘hood,
Through alleys and streets we were up to no good.
We ran here and there on our fanciful trek,
And over and over we hollered out, “Check!”

‘Til at last we arrived, this silly old pack,
At our Shangri-la, Banana’s Dude Shack.
On beers we were sipping, on chips we were feeding,
Some of us freezing and Cum Pumper bleeding.

Then off to religion at Casa de Puff,
There was beer and hash dinner and if that wasn’t enough,
There was hot buttered rum as prepared by Dung Fu,
An undeserved treat for this half-minded crew.

Our RA, Accu, regaled us with song,
We all did our best as we sang along.
On Crimes out on trail, he asked our advice,
And Twisted Fister was called for just being too nice.

Down downs for backsliders brought up to mock,
Penny Slot, Slow Nads, New Kids on My Cock.
Dung Fu regaled us in a voice deep and husky,
With a song about kids and old Coach Sanduski.
We finished our Rum (that manna from heaven)
Then headed on home or to Double Oh Seven.
Overall a good night, didn’t see the police.
Merry Christmas to all, and may the Hash get a piece.