Wharf to Barf is a great opportunity to spend quality time with your drinking buddies, meet new friends and make great memories that you won’t remember the next day.  This year, many hashers suffered from alcohol induced amnesia, so it’s taken a week to gather all the facts to report.  We had 10+ visitors this year representing Monterey Can’d H3,FHACU, and SLO H3.  Thanks to Hugh Heifer who hosted several of them at her house and Finger Nips for letting hashers stay at her house while she was off hashing in Belgium.

7/25/14 Pub Crawl- Racists, Chicken Man and Downtown Santa Cruz Debauchery.  Pink Cherry Licker is supplying the juicy details, since I wasn’t there.

7/26/14 Hash # 755 and Picnic at DeLaveaga Park

This year, we had games!  Thmp-Thmp and Twisted Fister invested in a corn hole bean bag toss game and a beer pong table with Surf City logo on them.  There was also a golf toss game and Pink Cherry Licker brought a game called King Cup.  Beer pong seemed to require too much skill and King Cup required brain cells.  Even though there were rules written on the cup, it required far too much thinking for a drunken Harriette like myself.  I did better tossing bean bags.

dBASED hared the Eagle trail which was 5.75 miles according to my GPS, and TIMMY!!! hared the Turkey trail which was approximately half as long.  The Turkey Eagle split was at the disc golf course.  We were greeted by Achy Breaky Snatch.  There was a boob and “package check”.  No one understood the chalk drawing of a box with a bow on it.  It meant the guys should flash their package.  Hope she got some eye candy while she was roasting in the noon day sun!  She was there to explain the strange marking which directed hashers to the tee number we had to go to, to find either the Eagle or Turkey trail.  The Eagle trail included multiple stream crossings, hills, hills and more fucking hills!  God, I hate hills!  We were hot and mighty thirsty by the time we got to the one and only beer check in the woods.  There was an abundance of great food and cold kegs of beer waiting for us when we returned to camp.  There was also a vodka infused watermelon!

Religion took place after the face feed.  Banana Basher was RA and Pink Cherry Licker was Beer Fairy.  Banana Basher drunken rambled something about old and new hashers.  Gm’s Thmp-Thump and Princess di (arrhea) received the first down down for their hard work organizing W2B.  They brought up the rest of the Shitty Committee who helped.  Next was the W2B Watermelon Head Award.  After much debate, Under Mother Fucker won the Watermelon helmet for all his drunken antics on the pub crawl the night before.  He wore a chicken suit and tried to pick up pregnant women.  Hugh Heifer was a close second.  She got drunk (as usual), fell down and got kicked out of bars.  Your truly, Shallow Hole, drank to the Analversary of my 150^th Surf City hash!  And Banana Basher thought I would never stick around!  Ha Ha!  He was wrong!  I’m a drunken degenerate just like the rest of you bastards!  We had a naming!  Just Chip was named Shameless Butt Plug for shamelessly promoting his T-shirt business.  His girlfriend, Electric Labia Land, didn’t want any part of the naming process, but Banana Basher brought her up anyway.  Welcome to the hash!  After that, Banana Basher turned over the RA reins to Dung Fu Grip to close out the hash.  There was singing, drinking and more drinking.

Sunday 7/27/14 Monterey Bay H3 Hangover Hash

Monterey Bay H3 is no longer in existence, but the traditional Sunday W2B Hash took place at Pearl Necklace and Last Call Norm’s house.  The day started for some with bloody mary’s at 7:30 am.  After the race, hashers met at Britannia Arms in Capitola for more drinking.  The hangover hash began at 1:00 pm at Pearl and Norms.  It’s typically a short, leisurely stroll around the neighborhood.  The goal was to finish off the kegs and leftover food.  Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp were Hares.  Under Mother Fucker wore his watermelon helmet and Chicken Costume.  Trail was a slow walk to Ocean View Park for a vodka and juice check.  There was a lovely view of the boardwalk and train trestle. The Wharf to Wharf race course passes below on East Cliff Drive and each mile is marked with balloon arches over the road.  We were just hanging out drinking, and spotted the remainder of the Mile 1 marker balloons below. A few of us got an alcohol induced idea, and decided to steal it!  We didn’t have a knife, but someone had a lighter.  Brilliant!  Dung Fu grip burned the string free and we all grabbed parts of the long balloon chain.  It was a sight to see!  And was witnessed by a shit load of traffic.  There was a Chicken Man with a watermelon on his head and a bunch of drunken hashers carrying the balloons up the hill. 

Once we had the balloons, we had to figure out what to do with them.  So we paraded them through Seabright neighborhoods and delivered them to Surf City H3’s Founder, Banana Basher’s house!  No one was home at the time, so we carefully secured them to his front porch!

Once back at Pearl and Norm’s house, Dung Fu Grip presided over Religion.  Bloody Wanker was his beer Fairy.  The first down down went to the Racists who actually ran the race.  Achy Breaky Snatch, Yours Truly, and Dung Fu ran the race.  Dung Fu made a fake bib with magic markers.  Priceless!  Six of Nine, Waxi Pad and Hogasm all drank for being backsliders.  There was chivalry on trail.  As hashers approached Ocean View Park, they carried stuff for some random picnickers.  Dog Breath, Under Mother Fucker, Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace all drank for being too nice.  WTF?  Next, the balloon stealers were called up.  Dung Fu, Twisted Fister, Shady Curtains, Hogasm, Under Mother Fucker, Achy Breaky Snatch and Yours Truly.  Let’s make it a new Surf City tradition!  Under Mother Fucker, AKA Chicken Man, was congratulated on winning this year’s Watermelon Head Award.  Next were the acknowledgements.  Hogasm was called up for designing the W2B T-shirt.  The GM’s, Princess Di (arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp organized a great W2B!  Last Call Norm and Pearl Necklace for hosting the day’s festivities.  Last Call Norm celebrated her 375^th Surf City Hash!  Get a life!  Dung Fu Grip drank for wearing a racist shirt from the Relay.  Dog Breath, Last Call Norm, Pearl Necklace, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, dBASED and Six of Nine drank for being the last remaining members of the Monterey Bay H3.  Back in the day, for Wharf to Wharf, those crazy kids carried around a Giant Penis and threw condoms.  That’s how TIMMY!! found out about the hash!  He found one of their condoms!  And last but not least, the Hares…………….  Puff the Magic Drag Queen officially kicked the keg.  May the hash get a piece!

On On,

Shallow Hole