Old Dog New Chicks (and some dicks)

You know the saying, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks?  Dog Breath was such a shitty hare, that he’s been on “hare probation” for years.  It was way before my time, so I don’t know what evil crimes he inflicted on Surf City.  I’d love to know the juicy details though.  Maybe some of the hash elders can fill us in some time.  So I wondered, can two virgin hares, right some wrongs, and set him free from probation?  Maybe Ho to Housewife and Just Robin could knock some sense in his half mind.  The pack was probably leery to show up at the Mediterranean this week.  We had Virgin Jae, who just moved here from Korea a week ago.  The other virgin was virgin Jennifer, sister of Just Foot Pussy.  Piss Pile was visiting from Hawaii.

Trail was about 4 miles and started with railroad tracks, a Nisene Marks tease and a back check down to Aptos Village Park.  I pity the poor FRB’s who had to run back up that hill.  True trail lead down Spreckles Drive towards Rio del Mar.  Instead of going to the beach, trail lead us left up a big ass hill!  Luckily there was a sofa left out for the trash, so hashers could take a rest stop.  Trail looped around and went back down Rio del Mar Blvd to a liquor check on the beach.  The hares decided to punish the pack with a shoots and ladders workout!  They lead us up the 150+ stairs, back down to Seacliff Beach and up the other flight of stairs by the RV campground.  Were your glutes burning?  Mine sure were!  If that wasn’t enough, they took us on a circle jerk around the neighborhood to beer check at Just Robin’s house.  It was a really cool house.  Her landlord has probably banned us from ever returning!

Religion was in the usual spot behind the Med.  Accuprick stayed at the bar and was good and loaded by the time the pack arrived.  Hugh Heifer claimed to have a knee injury so she met us a religion.  Accuprick was RA and named Virgin Jennifer his Beer Fairy.  The first down down went to the brother and sister team of Just Foot Pussy and Virgin Jennifer.  Next, were the virgins.  Fucked Over Fest made Virgin Jae cum.  He showed his butt!  Virgin Jennifer told a lame joke.  Heard it!  Piss Pile was called up for being a visitor from Hawaii.  He doesn’t drink, so Dog Breath was his stunt drinker.  Accuprick accused himself of being a backslider.  Accuprick, Fap Jack and Pink Cherry Licker drank for missing the beer and liquor checks.  dBASED drank for being too stupid to find the liquor check.  Hugh Heifer drank for showing up at the end.  Lovebirds Fap Jack and Pink Cherry Licker were called up.  They chose to snuggle and watch the sunset instead of doing trail.  Good choice if you ask me!  I was called up for stretching my sore glutes at beer check.  We had a naming!  Just Paul was named Groucho Cocks!  He’s a grouchy SOB and brought his bag of dick noses to the hash to take a group photo with them.  The pack tried to name Just Robin, but were unsuccessful.  Instead we sang her Happy Birthday!  So let’s get to know her better and get some good dirt on her!  And last but not least, and the hares………..

Next stop, 9/18/14 at Beer Thirty in Soquel, where we will be pursuing the threesome of Bacon Queef, Fap Jack, and Pink Cherry Licker.  God help us!  Bring a headlamp or flashlight.  It’s getting dark earlier halfminds!

On On,

Shallow Hole