Dung Fu Grip and Fap Jack came up with an interesting theme for this week’s hash.  Instead of schwag beer and cheesy poofs, it was all champagne wishes and caviar dreams.  Instead of wearing the usual shorts and T-shirts, hashers were asked to dress up in formalwear and show up at the 515 Kitchen and Cocktails on Cedar Street.  There should’ve been a red carpet and fashion police!  Can you imagine Joan Rivers (God rest her soul) asking “Which Goodwill did you buy your dress at”?  I got mine at Savers.  I know why it ended up there.  The pink glitter was all over me by the end of the night and I left a glitter trail everywhere I went.  Everyone looked fabulous.  Harriettes showed up in evening gowns and cocktail dresses.  Even Hugh Heifer “aka the Hippy” looked lovely.  I’m assuming the coat was fake fur.  The guys did not disappoint either.  They may be drunks on bar stools most of the time, but proved they can clean up nice once in a while.  Dung Fu Grip and Fap Jack and courtesy Flush looked dapper in suits.  Even surfer hippie Wicked Retahted wore a suit!  Fucked Over Fest broke out a bright red pimp suit from high school.  Surprisingly, the outfit worked for him.  Now we know how he earned his college money.  TIMMY!!! and Twisted Fister made a half assed attempt at a suit and wore sport jackets with shorts.  Evidently a few people didn’t get the memo.   Dog Breath showed up in a nasty T-shirt and shorts.  Twat Did You Say? wore running clothes.  Broke bench Mountain wore a button down shirt and jeans.  Porter the dog didn’t have an outfit.  Puff showed up dressed like Puff.  Big shocker!  Who said OP’s were not formalwear?    We had one Virgin!  Wicked Retahted brought Virgin Eddie, who proved to be an interesting character.

Trail started with a little jaunt around downtown, then took the pack down Water Street, turned left on May Street, up to Emeiline Ave.  I heard a weird crunching noise behind me.  I turned around and there was Courtesy Flush eating chips as he was running.  He had time to stop at a taqueria and get a burrito.  There was a champagne check under a bridge under highway 1.  It was the very spot where Occasional Rapist got named.  Memories!  The flour continued down the Carbonera Creek trail, then along the Branciforte Creek trail.  Several FRB’s, Dog Breath, Courtesy Flush, Thmp-Thmp, Ho to Housewife and yours truly, got suckered into a nasty YBF up a big hill.  Those bastards!  There was a second champagne check shortly afterward and we forgot about it quickly.  Beer check was further down the creek trail.  dBASED claimed to “accidently” take a wrong turn on May Street and short cutted trail.  There was no caviar, but the Hares served up excellent bread and cheeses.

Religion was at the silver bullet (on top of the Oswald parking garage).  TIMMY!!! was RA and Broke Bench Mountain and his dog Porter were beer fairies.  Occasional Rapist was congratulated on her 169^th Surf City Hash!   Get a life!  Wicked Retahted, Twat Did You Say? and Fingernips were called up for being backsliders.  They all gave lame excuses.  Wicked Retahted had some toenail fungus going on, Twat Did You Say? was busy being a foster mom and Fingernips was busy traveling and fucking.  They tried to call up Virgin Eddie, but he had a paranoid freak out and ran away.  LOL.  I can’t remember that happening before.  The pack quickly forgot about him.  Best dressed went to Fucked Over Fest, Dung Fu Grip, Occasional Rapist, Fingernips, Ska Skank Redemption, Hugh Heifer and Courtesy Flush.  Ska Skank Redemption drank for being a visitor.  Fucked Over Fest, Occasional Rapist and Princess Di (arrhea) drank for using technology on trail.  They couldn’t help it.  The Giants game was on and it was the game they won to put them into the fucking World Series man!  Courtesy Flush was punished for stopping to get a burrito on trail.  Dog Breath, Thmp-Thmp, Ho to Housewife, Courtesy Flush and yours truly drank for being stupid enough to run up a big hill to a YBF.  And last but not least, the Hares………………………

On On,

Shallow Hole