Happy New Year Wankers! Goodbye to year 13 and hello to the 14th year of Surf City H3! The festivities were held at El Palomar. They put us degenerates in a small room off to the side so we wouldn’t bother anyone.
Oh the mammories. ……… Year 13 was a great year! Wasn’t it? Thanks to all of Mismanagement and especially to our GM Royal Couple Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp for all their hard work. Dealing with a bunch of drunken hashers is like herding cats. Thmp-Thmp successfully intervened on our behalf and asked cops and security guards (nicely) not to bust us. Remember the anthrax scare up at UCSC? In case you were too inebriated to remember, the beer was flowing, the trails were shitty, and we added a bunch of new Wankers to the kennel. dBASED and Dung Fu Grip tried to “out shiggy” each other with their trails. We toured multiple tunnels, drainage ditches, streams, homeless encampments, and other precarious places. We had some interesting themed hashes this year. Aside from the usual Halloweenie Costume Hash, Toys for Tots and Pirate Hash, we had a first ever Krampus Hash, Big Lebowski Hash, Bike Hash, and a Dressed to the (sixty) 9’s Hash. Surf City H3 put on some great events this year. The Red Dress Run and Wharf to Barf were fucking awesome! Sloshed Ball returned after 5 year hiatus. We beat the crap out of Team Simon G String (again)! Fuck Ya! Even with the athletic young studs they recruited for their team! Surf City Hashers took the party on the road and attended numerous events this year, such as North South Intercourse, Betty Ford, Bay to Blackout, and Red Dress Runs in Monterey, Silicone Valley, San Francisco, San Diego, SLO and Las Vegas! We lost the hippy several times, but found her again. Next time we’re using a leash.
The evening started out with trail # 770. Princess Di(arrhea) and Thmp-Thmp were Hares. There was a trail? What trail? Yes, it was short. It was less than 1 mile, and lead us to The Red Room for a liquor check. Everybody got potent but tasty shots of some sort of hard liquor, before walking to Oswald’s parking garage for Religion. Accuprick was RA, and Vince Lamblowme was Beer Fairy. Dog Breath got a down down for being the whore of the hash. What do you expect from a dog in heat? Visitors, No film and Shady Curtains were welcomed to the hash. Hooker on Kronix, Bitch drank for being a backslider. Groucho Cocks complained trail wasn’t long enough. Old timers, Banana Basher, dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, and Dog Breath drank for being at the first ever Surf City H3 AGM. Next were analversaries. Twat Did You Say? celebrated her 69th , Broke Bench Mountain celebrated his 225th and Hugh Heifer celebrated her 350th Surf City hash! Get a life! And the Hares……………….
Hashers stumbled back to El Palomar for a face feed, more booze, and the erection results. Ballot counting seemed to take forever. Hashers started to get restless and started a tortilla chip food fight (that I may or may not have been part of). Things got a little out of control when Broke bench Mountain started lighting chis on fire. Who knew those things could burn? Grandpa Banana Basher and senile citizen TIMMY!!! scolded the immature drunks for their behavior.
Next were the awards:
New hashers named this year were called up for a down down: Groucho Cocks, Just Foot Pussy, Beer Queef, Electric Labia Land, Hooker on Kronix, Ho to Housewife, Cock throbbin’, Summers Yeast and Stub Rub
Hugh Heifer: Retiring after 5 years of Beer Meister. She was awarded a gift certificate from Tampico (but who knows whether she will be able to use it since she got kicked out of there during the Wharf to Barf pub crawl).
Year 13 GM’s and Mismanagement were acknowledged with a down down
Banana Basher was recognized as our hash Founder
Erection Results:
And the big wieners from the AGM erection and your Year 14 Mismanagement:
Scribes – Shallow Hole, Ho to Housewife and Cock Throbbin
RAs – AccuPrick and Dung-Fu Grip
Hare Raiser – Twisted Fister
Co-Haberdashers – FapJack and Pink Cherry Licker
Beer Meister – Timmy!!!
On-Sec – dBASED
Co-GMs – Thmp-Thmp and Princess Di(arrhea)
Best Trail Award: Tie between 1) Hugh Heifer, Occasional Rapist and Shallow Hole for the Red Dress Trail and 2) Dung Fu Grip and Shallow Hole for the UCSC Twin Gates trail. Don’t worry Wankers, I won’t get a big head for being nominated twice. I was also nominated for worst trail too. Every Hare knows that even the best planned trail can go horribly wrong. Just means I was involved in “memorable trails”.
The award for stupidest thing done on trail went to Bacon Queef for getting detained by the cops when laying her first trail.
Best Hash Trash: Pink Cherry Licker’s Toys for Tots trash. It was a brilliant parody of the Night Before Christmas.
Biggest Wanker- Wicked Retahted
Worst Trail- Phillis Driller
Bring on Year 14! Looking forward to another year of shitty trails! Sorry to see my former Co-Scribes, Occasional Rapist and Pink Cherry Licker move on. But welcome new Co-Scribes, Cock Throbbin’ and Ho to Housewife! I’m sure they will enjoy dishing out the trash as much as I do.
On On,
Shallow Hole