West Side Habitat Hash

Our Hares this week were Dung Fu Grip, Cock Throbbin, and Ho to Housewife, and they chose Santa Cruz Mountain Brewery as the start location.  I love that place for their great beers and dog friendly patio.  The Hares didn’t give much in the way of directions, but brought a pocket knife to give to a FRB.  We gave it to Dog Breath.     What the hell would we need that for?  Self-defense?   We’ve hashed through some pretty sketchy areas.  We were promised a turkey eagle split.

True trail arrows lead through the parking lot past New Leaf to the railroad tracks for a bit.  Trail went back out to the road, and we were on Seaside for several blocks, and then meandered in the direction of Bay.  We soon found ourselves at the entrance to Neary Lagoon.  Luckily the gate was open and the pack got through the lagoon before they locked the gate.  There was a liquor check in the lagoon.  A jar of pretty strong tequila lemonade.   I heard the liquor was attached to something and the knife was to get it off.  After exiting the lagoon, there was a tricky check.  Someone yelled “on on” and we headed down Myrtle Street, but several FRB’s got suckered into a YBF!  Those bastards!  We were running around in all possible directions, but finely found flour and were on trail again.  Trail lead to Laurent, across to California.  There was another tricky spot, where hashers received help from a Good Samaritan to find trail.  We crossed Misson Street, went through Trescony Park, then a long stretch down King Street.  Finally, we crossed to the other side of Mission Street, through a parking lot and finally got to beer check at the Habitat for Humanity ReStore.  We entered through the back door, walked through a maze of furniture to find the Hares drinking and eating vegan cheese and bread.  Somehow Flip Flops on the Rocks mysteriously arrived at beer check at the same time as the FRB’s.  Not sure how that happened.  I did the eagle trail and my GPS measured 4.56 miles, but I ran around solving some checks and got caught at the YBF.  While waiting for the pack to arrive, several hashers got the pleasure of trying out an electric wheelchair.  If it wasn’t $800 bucks, we would’ve bought it for TIMMY!!!

Religion was inside the building.  Accuprick was RA and Fap Jack was beer Fairy.  Fap Jack and Electric Labia Land didn’t do trail, but were obviously drinking somewhere.  Several walkers didn’t make liquor check (Pink Cherry Licker, Fingernips, Wicked Retahted, Occasional Rapist, and Hooker on Kronix, Bitch).  TIMMY!!! and Fucked Over Fest did a wheelchair down down.  Hooker on Kronix, Bitch found a children’s book of B words on trail to add to the SLO Hash Shit.  Wicked Retahted found a rock and a hot wheels.  Fucked Over Fest and Ho to Housewife celebrated their 25^th Surf City Hash.  Get a life!  Harriettes beware!  Dog Breath drank for being a dirty dog.   Wicked Retahted was congratulated on actually finding trail and there was a rumor that he actually ran!  There was blood on trail.  Pink Cherry Licker got viciously attacked by a bush and Occasional Rapist saved her.  I’ve seen people seriously injured from cactus, so stay the fuck away from those prickly bastards!  Sharticle Physics tried to hide his racist tendencies by turning his NY Marathon shirt inside out.  Dude, take it from me.  Don’t ever wear race shirts to the hash!  Electric Labia Land went off on some drunken rant that didn’t make sense.  dBASED drank for making a statement about how one check sent him from FRB to DFL.  Fucked Over Fest thought he had a tale from the trail, but forgot.  Wicked Retahted prematurely yelled “beer near” and got all the DFL’s upset because he lied.  Courtesy Flush and Snapping Twat drank for being  backsliders.  Courtesy Flush comes every 3 months and always buys a burrito on trail.  He gave a lame excuse about being date raped by Bill Cosby.  And last but not least, the Hares…………………………………..

On On,

Shallow Hole