Warf to Barf Weekend: Jam Out with Your Clam Out!
Thursday 7/21/16: Prelube Hash # 864
Four Hares, One amazing trail! In fact, probably trail of the year! We have 4 votes so far! The evening commenced at the Crazy Horse Bar on Seabright Ave. This little bar has a new name every 6 months or so. It’s been The Blue Louse, Mad House, Seabright Lounge, the 529 and the Knight Owl. One common denominator is that the bar has always been friendly towards us hashers.
It was a picture hash, and approximately 3 miles. Trail was gluten free! Pink Cherry Licker
read the directions to the hash in circle and gave out the first picture. Cock Throbbin was at the first stop at the climbing gym, and Shallow Hole (and Poon Doggie) were at the bridge into Arena Gulch. FRB’s were sent to the log in Arena Gulch where they were greeted by Dung Fu Grip in a wizard costume with a bottle of Jager Meister. Walkers were sent to Cock Throbbin’s wine check near Aldo’s. The FRB’s had an additional stop with Ho to Housewife at X
dock in the harbor before proceeding to wine check. Everybody went to the whale at the Natural History Museum where the wizard made a second appearance. Beer check was at the end of East Cliff at the overlook.
Religion was on Seabright Beech. Dung Fu Grip was RA. Grassy Ass from San Diego was welcomed to the hash. Backsliders My Fucking Precious and Just Gabriella were 
chastised for their long absence. Wicked 
Retahted was called up for donating a bottle of tequila to the hash. And last but not least, the Hares…………..
Friday 7/22/16: The Pub Crawl # 865
Hares Just Foot Pussy and Finger Nips brought the pack out for an evening of hitting up Santa Cruz’s (un)finest drinking establishments. The theme of the evening was the to get out your cut off jorts (jean shorts), great clam digging attire. The pack met at Callahan’s where you could find hashers comparing jort costumes. The hares hosted the pack with pitchers of beer, which you needed to tell a joke to Princess, Paki 
and someone else to get your pour. I told the joke “what do you call a red-headed ninja? A ginga!” Others refused to tell a joke (Shallow Hole) and said “just give me my fucking beer”. The pack left Callahan’s, next stop was The Jury Room. When we first walked in, Shallow thought the hares had bought a fog machine and set it up for the evening, but alas…. It was cigarette smoke. After this determination, several hashers decided to walk to the next smoke-filled 
bar, The Rush Inn. Luckily, we are a little more welcome there and they prop the doors open so the smoke can make a getaway before filling our lungs. The hares hosted pitchers for us at The Rush, thanks guys! Before departing, Arabian Goggler lead us in the song “Today is Monday”, which of the muggle patrons enjoyed and started to sing along. We departed The Rush and took a roundabout way to the upstairs of the Catalyst, where there were comfy couches to sink into. Myself and Shallow decided this was time to on-out because it was midnight and we were going to turn into pumpkins soon. No one wants to see that! We heard that from there the remaining hashers went to The Blue Lagoon but were quickly annoyed with terrible music and soon departed for the night.
Hash # 866- July 23, 2016
This year, our Saturday picnic was held at the Friendship Garden at Harvey West Park. We had a large area with picnic tables, big BBQ and most importantly shade! Dbased and New Kids on my Cock were the Hares. Trail was about 2.5 miles and immediately went up into Pogonip. We went all the way up the stairs to Meadow Road, where the FRB’s found a liquor check and a false. Which should’ve been marked as a YBF. We came back down the hill and found trail again. It was the hottest part of the day and we opted for the turkey trail. The 
eagles had some bush whacking and tons of poison oak. Ho and I snared the Hares several times, but of course they did not admit to being snared. At first I thought Ho said she saw a bunny on trail. But it was New Kids hiding in a bush. New Kids is pretty fucking tall and was still visible behind the 5 foot tall shrubbery. We also ran into dBASED, who sent us off in the wrong direction off a check and ended up finding a false at the bottom of a big hill. Assholes! We saw New Kids again when we came back up the big hill, thankfully holding a bottle of Jameson! The beer check was just at the bottom of a meadow at a parking lot of the County Educational Building off Encinal Street. Dung Fu Grip was talking on the phone with Cock Throbbin directing her to beer check, when he got bit by Fucked Over Fest’s dog Ziggy. Luckily there was no blood and his arm did not have to be amputated.
There was plenty of food (including clams) at the BBQ. After feasting, we had Religion. Dung Fu was RA. Dog Breath was Beer Fairy. Banana Basher got the first drink for being the founder of the Hash. Virgin Madison’s Aunt Sniff My Butt made her cum. Dog breath cock blocked her flash. Just Foot Pussy threw beer at him, which was well deserved. Visitors, Grassy Ass, Something Blew, Dual Tools Up My Ass, The Arabian Goggler, Spreads in the Sheets and Just Matt were welcomed to the hash. dBASED celebrated his 100th Haring and 700th Surf City Hash and was awarded with his own personalized mug! Get a life! It was right about that time when we spotted some strung out hippy dud pulling out weeds and
dancing with them on the bocci court in the distance. Then we looked in the other direction and saw some other drugged out homeless dude making out with a tree then rolling around in the grass. It was quite a show! Ho to Housewife, Dual Tools Up My Ass and Shallow Hole got a down down for snaring the Hares. Fucked Over Fest drank for his dog who bit Dung Fu Grip. Twisted Fister (Hare for the walker trail) drank for abandoning the walkers and going back to camp to start cooking. We can forgive him for that. He got another down down for getting not one, but two personalized plates for his cars. If you see an On On plate with a flying cock in the middle, that would be him. The flying cock was not issued by the DMV. It was a gift from Thmp-Thmp. The Watermelon Head award was a fierce completion this year. In the end, the most deserving candidate was Taco Tramp. After all, there was that incriminating naked group photo posted on the Facebook event page. The GM’s got recognized for all their hard work putting the event together. And last but not least, the Hares. Afterwards, we played some pretty fun drunken games! There was the beer bra pouring game, balloon butt bumping game and the dizzy bat race. All of which, should be Hash Olympic sports!
Sunday 7/24/16: Blood Mary Breakfast & The Hangover Hash # 867
On our 4th day of the weekend, things started early (7:30AM!!!!!) for hashers. There was a blood mary pre-race breakfast of champions for those who dared at Pearl and Norm’s Mansion, a long time hash tradition. We are told PCL and Fap made some pretty strong bloody mary’s. We are also told Grassy Ass wanted some pretty short jorts so Cock Throbbin helped pin them up for him. What a nice lass! Attendees for the bloody mary’s were Dog Breath, PCL, Cock Throbbin, Dung Fu Grip, Something Blue, Grassy Ass and Arabian Goggler, Princess and Thmp-Thmp. Once the racists left for their run, Princess went for a donut run. That’s something I could get behind!
Back in the day, the Monterey Bay Hash carried a giant condom throughout the race and
passed out condoms like giving candy kids at the Santa Parade. These days, a few hashers legitimately enter, while others prefer to bandit race with homemade, legit looking bibs. A new tradition is on the rise, Cum Fart Zone has been hosting a post-race pool party at her abode in Capitola. A few hashers were crazy enough to run back to the start, which shall be known as the Shallow Hole Challenge! I bet they beat the buses back, I have sat on those and they suck… and they take forever.
Hashers all regrouped in the afternoon at Pearl and Norm’s for the ball-busting Hangover Hash. Should we really call this a hangover hash if people are still drunk? Princess and Thmp-Thmp were our hares for this torturous, long-ass, flip flop walk to Ocean View park, which is about a mile round-trip. While we were at the park we were spoiled with Harvey Wall Bangers and Miller Hi Life. We are also pretty sure Taco Tramp was flashing the neighbors in the apartment building next door. Note to self: don’t hare through Oceanveiw Park anytime soon. We looked for balloons to decorate Banana’s porch with, but they were gone. I guess they learned a few years ago, to immediately take those things down. Back at Pearl and Norm’s we had some pizza and Mexican delivered for our hungry asses after that ball-buster of a trail.
Dung Fu was our RA for religion and Just Foot Pussy was our faithful beer fairy. First brought up were people who attended all 4 days, but since it was most of the group many didn’t go up and there are too many names to list. So suck it. dBased was given a down down for knocking off someone’s hat. We don’t know who, we are drunk by this time in writing the hash trash. Next up was people who only cum on Sundays, Six of Nine… who enjoyed the luxury of the chair Shallow Hole brought for herself… since she ran 16 miles that day, and stuff. Damnit Janet came as well as US Oh Oh Oh, Just Nick and My Little Bony. Next up for down-downs was the Wharf to wharf runners; TIMMY!!!!, Dung Fu, Shallow Hole, dBASED and Grassy Ass. Taco Tramp lost the watermelon head (intentionally????) and broke TIMMY’s walker so was made to sit on the block of ice for her crimes. PCL brought extra ice just for this reason. Cum Fart Zone nominated herself, for something we don’t know, or pretend to understand… but showed her tits and sat spread naked on the ice. Some things cannot be unseen. Next up were people who ran with the now defunked Monterey Bay hash; dBASED, Puff the Magic Drag Queen, Six of Nine, Hang’s Loose, Dog Breath and Pearl. Just Foot Pussy was given a down-down for convincing Paki to drink some beer, he is ruined forever with this peer pressure. Cums out my nose was given a down-down for playing Pokemon Go on trail. Are you for fucking real?!?!? Princess was given a down down for asking for bad jokes the night of the Pub
Crawl. We also celebrated Poon Doggy’s 8th birthday, his first memory in life is being picked up by Hang’s Loose in Sacramento and immediately attending a hash. What a lucky dog! Bacon Queef was given a down down for putting her hash tattoo on backwards, where it read no-no. Just Foot Pussy went down on her to try to put a new one on and Damnit Janet followed suit. JFP put a correctly oriented on-on tattoo on his penis! Pearl was brought up to thank him for hosting yet another year. The 7:30am crowd arrived prior to Pearl’s awakening and made so much noise he had to come out onto the balcony in his robe (on not?) to greet this riled up bunch. We made an honorary toast to wonderful Norm before bringing up the hares.
Here’s to another great weekend! Kegs kicked, limited blood, no hospital, no police, all good! Thanks to our GMs PCL and Fap for such a wonderful weekend!
On On,
Ho to Housewife and Shallow Hole
P.S. This hash trash was made possible by 2 bottles of wine. We don’t care!!!!
