I will just quote the trail announcement to set the tone:
“Hugh has stepped away from her bong, the smoke has cleared. I found my laptop. This week trail will start at The Asti (715 Pacific) because that bar is a dive. Trail will be totally fucked up because I forgot I was haring this Thursday. I thought it was next week. Religion will be at the Parking Garage closest to the bar. There will be beer and weed. A to B to A. See you wankers tomorrow, Hugh (ops I got this) Heiffer.
P.S. Fun fact: I signed up for this trail because I did my first hash 10 years ago.
P.S.S. Puff no long will be hosting religion at is casa.”
TEN YEARS of haring and still she can’t get it together. We get the trail announcement like 30 minutes before the start. Wow man, we were going to meet at Puff’s but oh wow, we can’t meet at Puff’s, so……….wow…….cool….
This is what we have to look forward to in our old age. Things are measured in hippy years…..just like we do in dog years.
Somehow we all assembled at the Asti and got our yearly dose of cigarette smoke inhalation.
Thankfully CFZ missed it cause she was late and got dropped off just as the opening circle was starting. Quite a crowd for a lousy 10 yr hash. Perhaps they were expecting bong stops instead of beer checks.
Actually it turned out to be a pretty lame, tame trail. Guess we finally deserved a break after months of arduous trails set along treacherous cliffs and steep elevations. Finally no more back breaking mountaineering. Finally a chance to leave the crampons and pick axe at home, leaving my hands free to share a toke or two along the boardwalk.
Finally a simple care free trail!
But hell no………..someone had to fuck it all up.
Someone had to go and add their own trail markings to utterly and udderly confuse the herd.
Some named Bakers D and Dung Fu.
A few other someones just had to run off and get a snack. Curtesy had a hankering for a kale salad. Must have been that good shit that gave him the munchies. Three others, dBased, Bakers and Rat Pussy, made a bee line for the Taco Bar.
It would have been nice if they shared……..they teach that lesson in Kindergarten.
Hippie should have set out little munchie snack baskets along the trail.
Instead we had to cross the treacherous Lost Boys Bridge, stoned out of our gourds, in search of vampires and Beer Check.
But it was worth it……………oh the views, oh the squeals coming from the Giant Dipper and Bacon Queff, Oh the cold, frosty beers lovingly placed in the cooler…those beers that Just Foot Pussy loves to fondle along with Bacon’s naughty bits. Oh the aroma of something burning…………..and then it was over. Our brief respite,on the edge of a glorious sunset, among friends and bums, was fading quickly. We faced a long haul back to the parking garage for religion.
Dung Fu was the RA. His greatness atop the back of a pick up truck trying to corral the unruly stoners.
Down Downs were handed out amass along with the crappiest beer I have ever swigged. Avoid Kirkland Lite beer at all costs.
The new beer meisters think it is delicious. Thank you Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef.
They say “hashing is an experience…..it isn’t supposed to be that easy”.
Who knew?
Steamy B got called up for laying his own trail. I think Bakers and others were also in on this new game.
Dung Fu barked for the excessive talkers, Dog Breath and Curtesy to “Shut their Dick Holsters”.
Dog Breath , Dung Fu and Bakers were all wearing the same 50 shades of grey t shirt and we sang “can’t say the safe word song to them” as it seemed appropriate….get it? 50 shades…the movie….S&M, power exchanges, whips and chains………….OH NEVER MIND!
We had virgins who wowed us with their incredible humor…..let me recap…….”what kind of a bagel can fly?
Hmmmm.I don’t know…a PLANE bagel!!! HA HA HA NOT.
Bakers got his 50 runs patch…..Our hippie hare celebrated 10 years of being in a stupor and wandering around Santa Cruz aimlessly. And the rest of us went to the taco bar at El Palomar for some proper grub.
A fun time was had by most.
On On On
CumFartZone