OK people…you read the invite to the hash….the cum on lines and the illusion that it will be a cake walk trail. After all, Burrito Boy aka Courtesy Flush is telling you he blew out his ankle running after a roach coach taco truck. He is daring you to catch him as he hobbles around downtown Santa Cruz trying to avoid Hepatitis A infected sidewalks. He baits us with this… “Maybe it’ll be some super secret abandoned industrial site or some magical offshore islands where it rains beer and the free-range unicorns fart lavender and poop cheesecake. ”
Let me set the record straight……….we ran about 3 miles…..not really straight as this is a progressive town and there were unicorns as predicted. I kid you not. 3 magical unicorns….well 2 really special magical unicorns with nice boobs and 1 lame unicorn with a semi. You just had to be there.
In addition to the festive costumes, we were treated to Unicracks Picasso inspired street drawings. Lots of circle jerks, a bazillion true trail arrows, T/E splits, and then the dreaded DETOUR signs. WTF??
The hares really had a hell of a night trying to keep their plan. We were SUPPOSED to start at the Saturn Cafe but some asshate employee and his inept manager decided that we couldn’t order JUST BEER….God forgive…..We had to order BEER and FOOD. Well you can see where this is going. So new plan….go across the street to the Nasti Asti…for BEER and cigs. Mo Better.
Beer Check and Religion were SUPPOSED to be at the Oswald garage….but yet again the hares were thwarted by some thugs in uniform who correctly guessed that the white rectangular box might be a cooler filled with BEER.
BRRRRILLIANT observation Dr Watson/Mr Park Ranger Person.
So hence the “DETOUR” signs and the “ALMOST THERE” signs………..my thighs are burning and my throat is parched after our gruesome trek around the city. To make matters worse there are weird smiley faces grinning back at me as I ascend yet another set of garage stairs.
Finally………we find the mother lode of beers….and those laughable hares. It’s hard to stay mad at them when they are so adorable.
At Religion it was nice to see the InterAm folks back safe and sound even if they all still looked a little greenish.
Cums out my nose demonstrated a proper Down Down. She was guilty of being on her cell phone…what else is new? And not listening, hmmm…..and there was no drink in her hand. Horrors and it isn’t even Halloween.
Speaking of horrors the non runners were represented by Broke Bench, Cums out my nose and Wicked. Too bad cause they missed a great LC. The mysterious grey bong water in the old plastic water bottles was a gruesome mixture of either cider and tequila or cider and whiskey. Seems most of it made its way back to Religion…not too many takers for that swill.
Our backslider, Sharticle Physics, has been MIA for at least a year and blames it on “travel”. Must be nice. In reality he has been chasing unicorns and he brought a few to the hash as proof. Just April made her second appearance and Virgin Jennifer did not disappoint when she unzipped her costume.
We also celebrated Wicked’s 169th hash, along with 300 impressive hashes for Broke Bench and a whopping 769 hashes for DBased. Get a Life!
Wicked got another DD for singing out of turn, CumFartZone got a DD for hell if I know but there was some crazy nipple pinching story.
Virgin Jennifer did some lame striptease trying to get out of the Unicorn pajama disguise and in her zeal to show off her hot pink panties she almost got the prize for creative self bondage.
The hares had to move it along so they could make the Dick Dale show so we hastily sang them their song and sent them packing.
All in all it was a lovely fall evening in santa cruz with my favorite peeps. And I got some nice swag…thank you Occasional and Shallow!
On On On,
CumFartZone