Greetings,

       There will be no thousand word expose of Trail 1159. That does not mean I do not believe it possesses sufficient material for ridicule, it merely indicates I do not find it worthy of consuming that much of my life. This Trash is published merely for our posterity and to serve as a warning to them as to what happens when a gang of hares descends upon an unsuspecting populace and lays waste to all they survey.

This hash began pleasantly enough at Greater Purpose Brewing. The weather cooperated with a balmy temperature and no moisture descending upon us. The Brewery has begun requiring proof of vaccination and this does not refer to your latest injection of penicillin either. This may have been merely a ploy to rid the inside of the building of hashers to allow the regulars to assume their usual positions. Whatever the methodology, it was successful and the pack migrated to the outdoor drinkin’ area.

  While a little behind their announced schedule, our hare quartet imparted Instructions of Trail. We had two Virgin hares, Just Jaime and Just Mike, and two slightly more experienced in Snake Me Anywhere and (current) husband Hand Over Piss. As we’ve all been witness to, frequently three hares will step all over each other’s trail resulting in mass confusion on the part of the hounds. We now know to add even more ‘mass’ to that mass confusion when four hares are involved.

After the passage of the requisite fifteen minute lead time, Circleup for Introductions was convened and the following hounds responded: dBASED, Banana Basher, TIMMY!!, Occasional Rapist, Broke Bench Mountain, Pink Cherry Licker, Dung-fu Grip, Cumz Out My Nose, Fap Jack, Wicked Retahted, Baker’s Dozen’t, Cum You Will Not, Steamy Baanorrhea, Rubik’s Pube, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Today Is Monday, Dicky Wacker, Yellow Prick Load, Moose Turd Pie, Bestiality Interruptus and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

Trail took off through the parking lot and through a locals-only hole-in-the-wall entrance to an apartment complex facing Merrill Street where a runner/walker split was viewed. Let’s see what the hares have in store for the runners so we’ll on-left onto Merrill. Merrill ends at 14th Avenue where an on-left is mandatory and brought the gang back to East Cliff Drive. Here we were directed to cross and make another on-left and pass by East Cliff Shopping Village where we began this trip. As Scribe approached the intersection of East Cliff Drive, 17th Avenue and Portola Drive, he encountered Steamy Baanorrhea and dBASED returning back along East Cliff Drive stating they’d encountered false markings just past Sunny Cove Drive. We cursed our hares as false markings should not be used once true trail has been established. This trio took off down Portola Drive. At 18th Avenue, Scribe headed on-right back to East Cliff Drive believing whomever laid that false simply must have continued on. Once I made the on-left back onto East Cliff Drive, I encountered marker. It was later revealed the hares had transformed one of the large white arrows in the bike lane into a hare arrow. Sadly, all dBASED and Steamy recognized was the three lines of flour and mistook such for false markings. Scribe continued along East Cliff Drive, hiding from cars on this (very) narrow and (very) dark section of road until 26th Avenue where an arrow turned him on-left. 26th is even darker and narrower than East Cliff Drive and it was utilized until Portola Drive where marker turned trail on-left.

At least there was a sidewalk to accommodate hounds through here. Trail motored along Portola to 24th Avenue where it turned on-right and went to Felt Street. Felt was taken to Corcoran Avenue where a strange sight was beheld: a marked-out hare arrow! Not sure I’ve ever seen one before. The hare arrow pointing on-left was marked out in favor one of pointing directly across the street. Once there? There was marker turning trail on-left anyway! WTF?!? Corcoran was used until just prior to Portola where marker turned trail on-right onto Alice Street. When Alice terminated at 17th Avenue, Scribe found no marks on-right or on-left so he surrendered and went on-left and back to Greater Purpose for Religion. Scribe found it unsettling no other hashers were at Greater Purpose when he arrived but settled in with a beer anyway. Soon a text arrived from Dung-fu Grip informing me Beer Check was now the site for Religion as well. As I was pretty far from Kinsley Street, I finished my beer and went-the-hell home. 

I was informed there was Beer Check. I did not find such.

I was informed there was Religion. I did not find such.    

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author, at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-eighth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Acting Scribe

Surf City H3