Welcome to the Trash for Trail 1173,

It’s the only welcoming you will receive.

Ever witnessed a pack of foxes conspire to take down a gopher or a rabbit? No. However, how about a pack of wolves band together to snare a deer? Yes. Such is the story of Trail 1173 as wolves in hare’s clothing, Broke Bench Mountain and Pink Cherry Licker, stalked Surf City hounds under cover of black light at night. Extreme dietary flexibility enabled this dastardly duo to devour us. Like the head chef(who said head?) their adaptability allowed them to consume the clan. The level of sophistication they possess to poison the pack is unparalleled.   

Harsh judgment? Undoubtedly. Then again, so was the injury inflicted on us. Let’s get to it.

Beginning this quest from Mission West, Ye Olde Watering Hole for really old people like Surf City Senior Citizen TIMMY!!, was  legerdemain on the hares’ part, an attempt to lull us into complacency. The hares’ casual appearance concealed the treachery that was afoot.

Black light flashlights were provided for those that refused to kneel to the hares’ request that we purchase one. Everyone enjoyed shining them on their kennel mates to see what piece of apparel would be illuminated. Of course, there’s always that small percentage of nonconformists, contrarians if you will. This week it was Ska-Skank Redemption wearing a cloak straight from the song Rhinestone Cowboy. Were it to have rained, she would have fried like a earthworm on a sidewalk.   

Eventually the hares completed assembling the components required for the hounds to employ and moved on to the instructional segment of trail. They provided us with exasperating details as to the placement of trail marking…along with the usual list of exceptions to the rule. When Broke Bench was asked if this trail would be an improvement over his previous attempts at haring, he raised his upper lip to reveal his canines much as would a bank robber pull open his coat to reveal a firearm.

Mumblings and rumblings followed hares-out as hounds compared notes in an effort to arrive at a consensus as to what the hell the hares actually said. None was forthcoming.

By virtue of the fact I was more concerned with finding (very) small marks with my (very) small black light flashlight, what follows will be an incomplete and (most likely) inaccurate description of our route but I believe even the hares will not remember where they took us so it truly does not really matter.

We were turned on-right onto McPherson, on-left onto Swift, sadly passing Humble Sea Brewing, and then on-left onto the Rail Trail. This was utilized to, oh, let’s say Rankin to Wilkes Circle where an on-right delivered us onto one of those hideous little locals-only walkways that are both dark and strewn with uneven sections guaranteed to twist an ankle if you do not remain eternally vigilant about where you place your rear paws. 

Once safely through that danger zone, it was on-left onto Walk Circle and then on-right onto Naglee Avenue and then on-left on Bethany Curve. Bethany Curve greenbelt was used until Oxford Way(thus depriving us of the beautiful view on West Cliff Drive) and then on left on Fair then on-right on Wanzer. Wanzer morphs into Modesto Avenue after crossing Swift Street. Now we’re way-the-hell outta town and still trucking along. A few blocks farther along, minuscule marking made the merry members of this madness motivate on-right onto San Jose Avenue. Just as San Jose makes a mandatory on-left, Broke Bench Mountain would jump out of the darkness from a locals-only entrance to Sergeant Derby Park. This park’s claim to fame is being home to one of the first public skateboard parks in the world and was built in 1976. This is where Beer Check was staged. After the conclusion of our business here, the obscenely long on-in was undertaken back to the Rail Trail across from Humble Sea Brewing where Religion would be staged.  

Here’s a brief rundown of the down-downs dispensed by Religious Adviser Pink Cherry Licker: Chippin’ Ballz for not being able to come up with even one verse of a Hash song; a down-down of well wishes for Accuprick who would undergo heart surgery the following day(Scribe note: successful); Fap Jack who called from Neary Lagoon, miles off trail, asking where should he be; Fap Jack, Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef for missing Beer Check; Virgin Steve was welcomed; analversaries were recognized for Broke Bench Mountain completing his 10th haring and Dicky Wacker his 69th hash with us; Yellow Prick Load, Ska-Skank Redemption and Today Is Monday received visitors down-downs. Oh yeah, the hares were recognized for making the effort to provide a trail. 

That pretty much did in Trail 1173 and does the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the second day of February in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe