Swim into Harbor Hades,

Courtesy of Occasional Rapist, Rubik’s Pube and Hugh Heifer. Previously, the majority of us had believed this trio of hot harriettes to be some of the milder members of this madness. This has now proven to be just another of the many miscalculations the pack has perpetrated over the years. I would suggest they all be roundly spanked but I do not wish to get that close to them.

We started this fiasco from the El Palomar Cafe at the harbor. Normally, this would have been an outstanding choice. However, as the Cruz is experiencing record breaking warmth, every Tom, Dick and Harriet in town wished to visit to witness another stellar sunset. The bar was doing a land office business, one of the few times more alcohol was being sold out of this place than drugs.

Finally, and not much more than a half-hour late, the hares gave Instructions of Trail. I would list some of them but I, as did everyone else I saw, ignored them for the most part.

After disposing of the hares, so to speak, normal social activity was able to recommence with no further unnecessary interruptions.

Eventually, even our co-GM’s Broke Bench Mountain and Cumz Out My Nose thought it was time to on-out so they requested a Circleup for Introductions and heard responding barks from the following hounds: Cum You Will Not, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Virgin Bryant, Rat Pussy, Deadliest Snatch, Wicked Retahted, Pink Cherry Licker, (still)Just Holly, My Little Bony, Virgin Sara, Dicky Wacker, dBASED, Ska-Skank Redemption, Dung-Fu Grip, Steamy Baanorrhea, Dewalt Thunder Pussy, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Abbaa, Accuprick, Clearly Not A Hooker, Baker’s Dozen’t, Today Is Monday, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

Trail began innocently enough east on East Cliff Drive from the harbor and on-left onto Assembly Avenue, a bizarrely named street in my opinion. An on-right onto Bonnie Street was quickly followed by an on-left onto a hash favorite; a dark alley cluttered with stinking trash cans, feral cats, barking dogs and abandoned cars. While not pleasant, it’s certainly a place where we feel at home. This was used until Dolores Street where an on-right was indicated and the dangerous crossing of busy Seventh Avenue was attempted. Once safely across, we made an on-left onto Eighth Avenue, on-left onto Eaton Street and back to Seventh Avenue where an on-right was dictated. 

Once we encountered the railroad tracks, the promised Turkey/Eagle split was observed. The Turkeys will head on-right onto the tracks for a long and dreary traipsing of the tracks. Ugh. Let’s fly with the Eagles to see what devilry the hares have in store for them.

Down the tracks the Eagles went as did the Turkeys. We crossed the harbor on the railroad bridge and made an on-right onto Seabright Avenue. From there it was a circuitous clamber on-up to Fredrick Street Park, on-down to the Upper Harbor and, again, back to Seventh Avenue. We went directly across Seventh onto Brommer Street, now nicknamed Bummer Street. This began a blocks-long dreary excursion ended by an on-right onto El Dorado Avenue which ends at the tracks. It was on-left and after a brief side trip across Schwan Lake park and rejoining the Turkeys, we hit up the parking lot at Simpkins Swim Center and exited onto Seventeenth Avenue and were turned on-right. Seventeenth was used until Merrill Street where the second Turkey/Eagle split was observed. Things got dicey here so I will relate two tall tales I later heard. Cold Smegma Kamikaze, in a quest for trail, went a distance on-right  onto Merrill and eventually found marker followed by an on-left onto Fourteenth Avenue. This would be the Turkey Trail. At the intersection of Seventeenth and East Cliff, I encountered Baker’s Dozen’t who had (foolishly) taken the Eagle trail which made an on-right past the school, crossed Portola and made an on-right onto East Cliff. Somewhere after that, trail petered out according to him. We took East Cliff, with no marker I must admit, back towards the harbor.

At East Cliff Village, we came across Today Is Monday and Ska-Skank Redemption whom held a Gorilla Beer Check at Greater Purpose Brewing. At the intersection with Fourteenth Avenue, marker was found indicating an on-left. Halfway to the Bay, a on-right locals-only path was taken connecting to Prospect Street. At Thirteenth Avenue, an arrow led the litter on-left and we were soon to see the Beer Near mark. So there, near the end of Thirteenth, Beer Check was staged. The hares, Occasional Rapist and Rubik’s Pube(still minus Hugh Heifer), said on-in was back to Prospect and on-left onto (narrow and dark) East Cliff to Religion at Twin Lakes State Beach. I opted to follow Dung-Fu Grip’s suggestion and take the beach route. While longer, it was most certainly safer.

Once everyone reassembled around a fire on the beach, Pink Cherry Licker and Dung-Fu Grip convened Religion. This was also the first time we were able to view the third leg of our hare trio, Hugh Heifer. Apparently, she believed it more important to stake out turf for Religion than bother herself assisting with trail-laying.

Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued by our co-RA’s: Abbaa as an extreme backslider; welcome to Dewalt Thunder Pussy, now a Santa Cruz resident; Virgin Bryant for performing a hop-along pee on trail so as to not fall behind; Cum You Will Not, Dicky Wacker and dBASED for ‘interacting’ with a crazy woman yelling along trail; Virgins Bryant and Sara were welcomed to the Hash and Accuprick was welcomed back after his heart surgery. Oh yeah, the hare trio. They were thanked for very little with the possible exception of the fire on the beach. Too bad it would have been illegal to roast them over it.

And with that, the co-RA’s called and end to Hash 1175 and I hereby do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, Valentine’s Day in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe