Greetings,

While St. Patrick’s day may have featured our annual party, the only ones happy when it climaxed would have been the hares. At least THEY knew where trail was going. The rest of us, not so much.

Beginning the festivities at The Mediterranean, colloquially called The Med, alerted the hounds to the distinct possibility we would be visiting Accuprick’s garden paradise. What may HAPPEN there concerned us but not the visit itself. The Med was the hub of social activity in Seacliff this evening. The pack became a focal point and many of us we photographed by the regular denizens of this long-established watering hole. They seemed surprised people actually dressed-up and got in the spirit of the day for a reason other than just an excuse to drink Guinness and Jameson to excess.

Hashers were so spread out throughout the establishment and onto the surrounding streets, few if any heard Instructions of Trail. The few I spoke with who actually were lucky enough to hear them claimed they were almost incomprehensible due to Accuprick’s level of intoxication. This was a trail feature that would figure prominently in the tragic events that would befall the pack this night.

The hares have vanished, much to the pack’s delight, and fierce socializing has resumed it’s typical dull roar. Seeing that no good could come from allowing the herd to graze at The Med for much longer, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and (future husband) Broke Bench Mountain coerced the clan into a Circleup for Introductions configuration. The result was a follows: Clearly Not A Hooker, My Little Bony, TIMMY!!, Riff Raff, Steamy Baanorrhea, Womb With A View, Finger Nips, My Sister’s Dildo, dBASED, Occasional Rapist, Pink Cherry Licker, Snake Me Anywhere, Rainbow Butthole, Wines Like A Bitch, Baker’s Dozen’t, Dung-Fu Grip, Leaky Rubber, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, L’eggs, Hareless, Penis Horn Deformity, My Little Penis, Queen and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. The players have taken their places, let’s raise the curtain on Trail 1180.

Center Avenue was taken but a few feet until we were turned on-left onto Broadway. Broadway, a somewhat misleading moniker as this street is unpaved, barely passable as a matter of fact by any vehicle not possessing all-wheel drive and a minimum of six inches of ground clearance. dBASED, being a huge fan of railroad tracks, immediately headed towards the nearest ones. Mercifully, he was incorrect and returned. We took North Avenue on-right and continued until it ends at the intersection with Center Avenue. Here we were pointed on-right onto Center and back towards The Med. However, just a few houses along, the LC mark was observed and, as we had assumed, we entered Accuprick’s backyard garden paradise.

Here Accuprick was dispensing all manner of intoxicants but mainly Bailey’s and Guinness. If you were lucky enough to gain access to his infamous ‘gardening shed’, as he euphemistically calls it, you’d have found various brands of whiskeys and possibly some Scotch as well. We spent an inordinate amount of time here; some of us hoping the remainder of trail would be called off and the others wishing to become desensitized realizing trail would most likely continue. And it did, but there was no rejoicing.

Upon leaving Accuprick’s, it was on-left on Center and then on-left at the next street, Santa Clara Avenue and on-right at the next opportunity, El Camino Del Mar. this street was utilized until it’s point of termination at Monterey Bay where an on-left put the pack on Seacliff Drive. Seacliff Drive was trotted until a small field gives access to a treacherous trail that drops 125 feet down an escarpment to the parking lot for Seacliff State Beach. Mercifully, some kindly locals have repaired the deteriorated steps and filled the numerous holes in this trail making it far less life threatening than in some of our previous visits.

Once safely on-down, we turned on-right. Trail marking, or more precisely the lack thereof, became problematic through the parking lot. My Little Penis and Queen tried the hideously long set of stairs leading to the top of the bluff to no avail. We were unable to find maker at the next intersection as well. Just when we thought all was lost, we happened across retired harriette Katman Douche who pointed us towards the trail that leads on-up to Coates Drive and Beachgate Way. Now there was some rejoicing.

Once to the top, we headed on-left on Coates Drive. This was followed by on-left onto Seacliff Drive and on-right onto Mar Vista Drive. This is a rather unpleasant road with few lights and even less for sidewalks. Mercifully, it was not far to Pine Street where an arrow turned the troops on-left which was followed by our highly favored BN mark and we pulled into the driveway of co-hare Cold Smegma Kamikaze’s abode. There we found a keg conveniently residing in the refrigerator in the garage. What a great idea!

I believe it safe to stay on-in back to the start was a rather free-form affair with a number of routes being chosen by various mini-packs. Let’s dispense with any description thereof and fast forward to Religion staged, appropriately enough, on Santa Cruz Avenue a block behind The Med. Accuprick initially assumed the reins in the absence of Dung-Fu Grip but, mercifully, Dung-Fu soon appeared out of the darkness and ascended to Religious Adviser.

Here’s a rundown of some of the down-downs issued by our RA: visitors My Little Penis, Queen, Riff Raff and Finger Nips were welcomed; Leaky Rubber was punished for forgetting to bring the hashit; Thmp-Thmp and Pink Cherry Licker were chided for following dBASED; Pink Cherry Licker and Clearly Not A Hooker were punished for dumping their Irish Car Bombs;(Editorial opinion: Hooker should have received TWO down-downs for saying the drink looked like Monistat); Dung-Fu Grip, Baker’s Dozen’t and TIMMY!! celebrated analversaries; Snake Me Anywhere, arriving after on-out, asked on Facebook where trail went, this was deemed to be a retarded action so she was joined by Wicked Retahted, all the ‘retahted’s together; co-hare Cold Smegma Kamikaze for laying a very confusing check mark, he was, of course, joined by fellow hare Accuprick and lastly, the hares themselves. After pubic service announcements were completed, the RA stated, This Hash is over! I hereby do the same for this Trash. Thank you for joining me, I only wish I had a worthwhile trail to report upon.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-second day of March in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe