Clouds descend,

Over Santa Cruz as they did over the pack on the evening of October the sixth. The sky was blue and the clouds few as we approached New Bohemia Brewing on 41st Avenue. However, just prior to the meeting spot, the clouds obscured the sun and the cold wind came calling. We mistakenly construed this as typical of a local microclimate when in actuality is was most likely a sign from the gods of the Hash that treacherous tricks awaited the pack this night. Cruel tricks are part and parcel of a Cold Smegma Kamikaze trail though so we should have expected such. As for Just Danielle, her first hash was Sunday Wharf to Barf and she came to believe all hashes are like that one. She returns week after week in a foolish effort to regain that magic.

As an aside to this, a few tables away from the pack, Fleet Feet Sports was hosting a run. Considering the shoe display they brought it appeared to be as much of a sales event as an effort to get some people out to exercise. After the participants had left, dBASED walked over to introduce himself and to inquire as to the nature of the event. When he was told what was going on, he said he was here with his running club too. When they asked why the members were drinking, he responded the club drank before, during and after the run. They said that sounded more like a drinking club than a running club. dBASED said, Thank you! They then turned their backs on him and he returned to the fold. That was the extent of our interaction with Fleet Feet Sports.

Fashionably late, the hare-pair eventually delivered Instructions of Trail. Some vague references to a Liquor Check and Beer Check were made but one item of interest was repeated more than once: Trail is short. Even the Eagle trail was said to be only little longer than the Turkey. While ‘short’ would not be characteristic of a Cold Smegma Kamikaze trail, lying WOULD be the norm. Hares-out.

The following fifteen was spent swilling the last of our beers and settling our burgeoning bills. Upon completion of this unpleasant task, co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain requested a Circleup for Introductions and heard responses from: dBASED, TIMMY!!, Accuprick, Steamy Baanorrhea, Clearly Not A Hooker, Cum You Will Not, 2 Dicks Down, L’eggs, My Little Bony, Lock Nut Monster and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. For the canine crew we had Junk Puncher, Scratch and Sniff, Spot’d Dick and Merlissa. Pack-out.

Marker turned the troops on-left onto 41st Avenue followed by an on-right onto Portola. We passed Frenchy’s, birthplace of Piss ‘n Booths, and came to the promised Turkey/Eagle split at the intersection with 38th Avenue. It’s cold and windy, not to mention dark; let’s Turkey trot this night. Trail took the Turkeys on-right onto 38th. A short distance along the DGK mark pointed the pod across 38th. Here we erred. Believing the marker across the road pointed on-left onto Avis Lane, we trotted behind the strip mall housing such notable establishments as the Castaways and came back to Portola. We could see a check across the street at 36th Avenue so we crossed over. Marker was found on 36th heading towards the Bay but that culminated in a head-on collision with the approaching Eagles! Uh…

After some serious sniffing, it was determined we should have continued on 38th rather than on-left behind the strip mall. 38th was then utilized to Brommer Street, mercifully passing the accursed railroad tracks, and on-right there to 41st Avenue. We are now within sight of Point A, and it wasn’t even an especially scenic circle jerk either. Here a check was soon solved and led the litter across 41st and to an on-left. This brought the bunch to an on-right through a dark parking lot which proved to be merely a slight short-cut to Capitola Road. Once there it was on-right towards Capitola. An on-right was dictated at 47th Avenue followed by an on-left onto Garnet Street. Deep in the Jewel Box area of Capitola we now are. At 49th Avenue, it was on-left and all the way back to Capitola Road and on-right. Just another slightly less than scenic, and even more unnecessary, circle jerk. When we reached Wharf Road, things took a turn for the worse. We were pointed on-left past the Shadowbrook Restaurant.

We can lessen the pain endured here by fast forwarding to Rispin Mansion. On the path past the (still) uncompleted restoration, Liquor Check was encountered.

After this it was over Soquel Creek and on-right through Peery Park and exit onto Riverview Drive and then on-right onto Riverview Avenue. (They dearly love their riverviews around here) Part way along this street, the Soquel Creek Park Pathway begins with an on-right. This will eventually bring you to Stockton Avenue where an on-right will take you over Soquel Creek which is more lagoon than stream. Next was to begin the steep on-up of Wharf Road(again). Not wishing to cross trail as they soon would, the hare-pair utilized the rickety stairs that on-up to the train tracks and then crept along the dirt path balanced precariously on the side of the hill between million dollar homes and the railroad tracks. Quite a juxtaposition.

Just as we emerged from the darkened path and approached Prospect Avenue, our highly sought-after BN mark was observed. In the viewing area overlooking Capitola and Monterey Bay, we discovered the hare-pair partying.

Most hounds clocked trail length around the four mile mark, some slightly less and a few just over. Four miles was determined NOT to be a short trail as promised by the hares. Considering the numerous crimes committed on this trail, that may not have been the most egregious though. Mercifully, it was but a short hike to the site for Religion in Jade Street Park. We were not alone there though, besides the occasional passing black-and-white, some people were playing soccer in a nearby field.

Once the accoutrements had been assembled, RA Accuprick fired up his torture machine and here’s a sampling of down-downs issued: backsliders were first and foremost and consumed most of the time, no major crimes of trail were recounted which allowed extra time for vitriol to be tossed at the hare-pair. After seeing the hares again, a disgusted Accuprick dismissed the pack.

On-in was a traipse along Nova Dive to 41st Avenue. We missed last call at Betty’s Burgers so the remnants of the pack crossed 41st Avenue and poured into Taqueria Vallarta. That puts the finishing touches on Trail Twelve-13 and on this Trash as well.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-13.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twelfth day of October in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe