Begin from a bar,

In a grocery store! A bizarre beginning to a trail that proved our hare, too, is bizarre. Actually, even more so. My desire to forget, or better yet completely avoid, a Dung-Fu Grip trail is deep and abiding. Hell, it’s damn near become a religion for me. However, being aware rain was forecast, I (foolishly) assumed Dung-Fu would shorten trail as appropriate. As I said, foolishly.

There we were(there we were) sitting in a grocery store drinking and eating (possibly) stolen veggie chips from the store. Dogs were winding in and out of our legs hoping for dropped food. The regulars were sitting at the bar wondering who we were and why we had chosen their regular abode to victimize.

Virgin Slim, who is far from true virgin status, promised us a real virgin. She appeared but barely in time for Circleup for Introductions. Old kennel mate My Little Bony made a rare guest appearance visiting from his upper crust residence in Santa Barbara. Cumz Out My Nose, our resident robo-human hybrid, ambled in under her own power and made for the bar. Once there, she was somewhat disappointed with a short pour of warm wine. Fap Jack declined to hash upon hearing whom the hare was. Broke Bench Mountain sported a new ‘do but upon interrogation admitted he’d cut his hair himself and may have missed a few spots. Clearly Not A Hooker brought a large umbrella indicating she had no intention of even walking quickly and then announced she wasn’t even drinking. Can she still be deemed a hasher? It would appear obvious to even the most casual of observers that Dung-Fu Grip has an adverse effect upon his kennel mates even BEFORE on-out.

Fashionably late, our hare strode to the front of the pack and delivered Instructions of Trail. Reputedly, trail has been shortened due to inclement weather but when reaching the original Turkey/Eagle split location, Dung-Fu would reinstate the Eagle trail weather permitting. No one cared. Hare-away.

The next fifteen minutes passed rather quickly. The beertender walked over to the mob and said he was obligated to close the place at 7. We promised to be gone by then. The regulars began crab-walking out the door, not taking their eyes off us. We bused our table. Those feeling capable, or at least desirous, chugged one final pint before zero hour approached. It did, however, arrive just as promised so it was out the door with us for Circleup for Introductions. The following hounds answered this call issued by co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain: TIMMY!!, Pink Cherry Licker, Steamy Baanorrhea, Flours For Anal Bum, Clearly Not A Hooker, My Little Bony, Snake Me Anywhere, Cum You Will Not, Virgin Slim, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, dBASED, Virgin Claire and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We had a canine contingency tonight consisting of Junk Puncher, Scratch and Sniff and Spot’d Dick. Pack-out.

Trail proceeded past Raley’s Grocery and on-up into Peery Park and on-right across the twin bridges past the (still) unopened Rispin Mansion to Wharf Road. At Wharf Road, a hare arrow pointed the pod directly across onto Clares Street. Let the jerkin’ begin. Just across the intersection is the new Capitola Library. We were directed on-right beside the building and then on-left onto a little-known locals-only walkway leading to Trotter Street. Trotter ends at Derby Avenue where we went on-left and back to Clares Street. Thanks for the scenic circle-jerk, hare. At Clares the troops were taken on-right a short distance.

At 42nd Avenue we were directed on-left all the way to Capitola Road, DGK across to remain on 42nd. 42nd ends at Jade Street and marker here led the litter on-left past Jade Street Park to make a quick on-left on-right transition onto Topaz Street. Topaz terminates a scant two blocks later where an on-right pointed the pride onto 49th Avenue and ended at the railroad tracks. Here it was on-down the hill to Cliff Drive and on-left on-down into Capitola-by-the-Sea. Along this stretch of asphalt, TIMMY!! and I were passed by the Eagles consisting of dBASED, his trusty sidekick Junk Puncher and Steamy Baanorrhea. Just across the Soquel Creek Bridge, a hare arrow guided the gang on-left and onto the Soquel Creek Park Footway. This heralded the most exercise any of us would get this trail as we jumped, side-stepped or hopped over huge puddles of water, some almost as large as Soquel Creek itself. When the walkway ends, we were led on-left onto Riverview Avenue and one short block later on-left onto Riverview Drive.

Riverview Drive feeds directly into Peery Park where we visited previously tonight. Just before entering the darkness of the park, our favored BN mark was observed and it was on a bench in the park we discovered our hare calmly slurping beer.

The Eagles joined the party and were soon followed by the remainder of the Turkeys. It soon became obvious the pack had no inclination to on-down to the parking lot to the usual site Religion is staged so Beermeister dBASED stole…uh…I mean BORROWED a shopping cart from Raley’s and carted the Beer Trough on-up into the park. This was soon followed by a set of bright headlights(Who said ‘Head’?) coming on-up into the park. We prepared to make a break for it fearing police intervention but it turned out to be Broke Bench Mountain’s car delivering the infirmed Cumz Out My Nose. It was here Religious Adviser Pink Cherry Licker turned on her Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs she issued: Dung-Fu Grip for calling this Hash 1125 in his Trail Announcement rather than 1225; Virgin Slim as a backslider; My Little Bony for not placing so much as one rear paw on trail; Virgin Claire was welcomed and Clearly Not A Hooker(huge umbrella in hand) was recognized for completing her 50th hash. Oh, yeah, the accursed hare. Everyone appreciated the start at ‘Raley’s Bar’ and the food opportunities but had little good to say about trail. It was now raining profusely, the gods of the Hash just missed cutting this trail short. The RA dismissed the pack allowing us to swim away. I dismiss the pack at this time as well. On-on-on was at Village Host Pizza and drew half a dozen stalwart hashers.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-25.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirty-first day of December in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe