Four hares,

And not a trail to be seen. We’re been down the dead end of a three hare trilogy before and rendered the verdict is not a viable option for us. So, in typical half-mind modus operandi, let’s go ‘one better’ with FOUR hoppers to see if that changes the outcome. Well, in THAT respect we were correct, but only on the dark side.

Let’s begin this trip down the rabbit hole from the Hyatt Place on Broadway. Sounds like a visit to the Big Apple! A high end hotel, not a place hashers are accustomed visiting, and here we are. At 6:15, we had only one half of the hare contingency, that being Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack. We were told the other hares might(or might NOT) appear somewhere along trail or maybe we would merely see evidence of their existence due to pre-lay. As if that is not enough to supply you with an more than ample supply of trepidation, we have also discovered the bar, such as it is in it’s minuscule configuration, is not a full service lounge. TIMMY!! was heart-broken. He was not alone in those sentiments, there were sufficient reasons for all those present to be in a high state of dismay.

Though there were precious few articles of data to support any optimism pertaining to impending trail, a few illuminated areas did exist. Let’s peruse them, shall we? Occasional Rapist’s sister, Just Lisa Marie, graced us with her presence; Circle Gherkin’ has returned after a prolonged absence, I believe he has been cleared by his ‘counselor’ to return to ‘active duty’; both International House of Pussy and Cunt Double have presented their snouts for our perusal; Wicked Retahted donned his LA pimp attire and strode amongst us; The Arabian Goggler and Today Is Monday managed to find their way over-the-hill for a tryst with us and lastly but not least, there were some stellar attire on display for the titled Dress to the (Sixty) Nines Hash. Sorry, that’s about all on the positive side of this Hash.

After admitting to themselves none of their other purported co-hares would hop on-in, Pink Cherry Licker and (only?) co-hare Fap Jack finally delivered Instructions of Trail. They were a mishmash of a mess. Sometimes it seemed the hares were arguing back and forth with each other, yet to completely finalize trail. Unsettling, to understate the gravity of the situation. Hares-away.

After the passage of the allotted fifteen minutes, dBASED corralled the attendees just in time to see one of our GMs, Broke Bench Mountain, sauntering on-up the driveway claiming parking was difficult in this area. It’s 6:50, where did ya park, the damn Boardwalk?!? BBM took over and received responses from the following hounds: Hareless, Just Lisa Marie, Occasional Rapist, TIMMY!!, Cum You Will Not, Flours For Anal Bum, Wicked Retahted, The Arabian Goggler, Today Is Monday, dBASED, Circle Gherkin’, Steamy Baanorrhea, International House of Pussy, Cunt Double, Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency this week was a full force; Junk Puncher, Spot’d Dick and Scratch and Sniff. Pack away.

We were directed on-left onto Broadway and had the displeasure of waiting for an extended period to continue on Broadway by crossing Ocean Street. The crossing of Ocean at this particular venue, especially in the dark, is an unsettling experience. When hares write ‘DGK’ at such a place, I find it ludicrous at best and insulting at worst. Who goes out on trail with the desire to get killed?!? Who even wishes to be HURT along trail? However, hares frequently wish to tell us to not get injured on their trail. Maybe it’s just the guilt they would feel, either that or they would not wish to get caught chuckling.

Once (safely) across the Ocean, we proceeded on-up the Broadway hill and continued until reaching Pennsylvania. A solved check here pointed the pod pretty much as expected, on-left and up to the home currently occupied by Hand Over Piss, Snake Me Anywhere and purported co-hare Dung-Fu Grip. Sure enough, operating without a license, was Dung-Fu playing bartender and tossing around libation as would a drunken sailor in port on payday.

After depleting as much as we were allowed, it was back to Pennsylvania and on-left to a check at Soquel Avenue. Traveling along Pennsylvania, missing co-hare Baker’s Dozen’t was observed…running TOWARDS Dung-Fu’s! Many of us have inadvertently been guilty of RUNNING trail in reverse but we have now witnessed a hare LAYING trail in reverse! What would appear to be a hare arrow led the litter on-left but by the time FRB Steamy Baanorrhea arrived at the next intersection, that with Pine Street, it became painfully obvious we had been misled. Meanwhile, back at the check…hounds had spread on-right and across Soquel sniffing around the Double-Oh, all to no avail. Eventually on-on was sounded maybe beside the Bicycle Trip, maybe down the alley beside the Double-Oh, only the FRBs know for sure. But trail did, however, proceed on-left on Doyle Street and then take an on-right on North Branciforte Avenue. We didn’t know it then but you can settle back and take a long pull on your beer, we gonna be truckin’ along this street for a hell of a long time.

We’ve just dragged tail past Fairmount Avenue, the last possible exit from Branciforte before crossing over Highway 1. Our next stop is now obvious, the penthouse suite belonging to the hare-pair of Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack. Sure enough, flour forced the flock on-right onto Gilbert Lane, on-left onto Rooney Street and on-left into the backyard of a certain hare-pair. Here we were treated to champagne with plant seeds in them of which I have of course forgotten the variety. This was a festive affair and stretched out quite a ways as the walkers were well behind those FRB types. Eventually though it was on-out onto the next leg of this trail which appeared to be stretching beyond it’s advertised 3.5 mile length. We were told on-out would be on-left at Rooney, this alone threatened to extend trail will past the stated length.

We DID on-out on-left on Rooney but only a short distance. Upon reaching Elk Street it was on-left and one short block later on-left onto Goss Avenue. You can settle back in your seat again, Goss will take a while. Once Goss terminates at Market Street/Branciforte Drive, we went on-left onto Market and continued along it’s dark, no-sidewalk length until Grant Street where a solved check took the troops on-right onto Grant. Eventually it was on-left onto Berry Street, on-right onto Coulson Street and then on-left onto May Avenue. Finally, we can see the end in sight, or at least so we hoped.

As we reached Water Street, many assumed Beer Check would be staged at Callahan’s as we’d been told to bring money and ID. However, we were led by Callahan’s and told to cross Water Street and continue along May. That being said, Cum You Will Not, TIMMY!!, The Arabian Goggler and Today Is Monday opted for a Gorilla Beer Check nonetheless. More on them later. Trail proceeded along May and took an on-right down an alley exiting onto Ocean Street just behind The Jury Room. So THIS was our beer Beer Check location. Inside we found our two surviving hares with pitchers galore awaiting our arrival. Not far into Beer Check, the determination was made this would be a far more pleasant place for Religion than the outdoor location previously announced. Phone calls were placed, changes were related and agreements were reached. Food was ordered and delivered from Taqueria Jalapenos. Pink Cherry Licker then fired up her Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs issued this night: Pink Cherry Licker and Fap Jack as the only two hares to make it to Religion; cum You Will Not and Steamy Baanorrhea for refusing to use the indoor bathroom offered at Fap and PCL’s hose and peeing outdoors; backslider’s were punished; best costume competition; those that attended the Gorilla Beer Check at Callahan’s and the hares for starting a hash from a high-end cocktail bar. That was about it. Oh. Except for the (surviving) hare-pair. Fap Jack and Pink Cherry Licker were thanked for moving Religion indoors but I heard no Thank You! over their trail. On-on-on? Well, we were already there!!

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-28.

By Special appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-fourth day of January in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe