Deja vu,

One more time around. The doubling-down of Beer Check location was not the only duplication on this trail. We again fell for three hare hell. Rubik’s Pube, Snake Me Anywhere and Carlos Danger(danger being the operative word here) led the litter through a pointless series of twists and turns worthy of a bag of stale, cheap pretzels. Allow me to elaborate. Or at least as much as I can tolerate to relive.

Point A was the Red Room. This is a typical ploy when the hares are concerned their trail will not please the pack, begin trail from a trusted, loved location. This lulls the litter into a state of relaxation. Getting the group to drop their guard is an important facet of this ploy. On the brighter side of things, this Hash saw the return of Clearly Not A Hooker. She offered little excuse for her extended absence. I have taken note of the fact she missed four hashes, that’s thirty days. Maybe we should consult the police arrest records to explain her absence.

Not too long past the announced time, Instructions of Trail were delivered. There was a lot of repeating of details. I’m not sure if this was intended to begin the Groundhog Day theme or was merely due to the hare trio’s level of intoxication. I assumed that question would be answered along trail very soon. Hares out.

After the passage of fifteen minutes of our lives, co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain corralled we critters and shooed us to the outdoors for Circleup for Introductions. This resulted in their hearing from: Hareless, TIMMY!!, Occasional Rapist, Flours For Anal Bum, dBASED, Cum You Will Not, Pink Cherry Licker, Steamy Baanorrhea, Clearly Not A Hooker, Dung-Fu Grip, Slow Gherkin’ and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Pack away.

Trail took the troops south to Walnut Avenue and on-right there to Chestnut Street. Some minor confusion there resulted in trail continuing on Walnut and on-up towards Santa Cruz High School. Just past Rincon Street a set of steps on-right lead on-up to Towne Terrace, a pitiable, dark little street inhabited by old houses with shabby vehicles parked on the pothole filled street. A little farther along, a second set of steps will take you onto someone’s private property and to Grover Lane. Grover Lane is most likely as dreary as Towne Terrace but is just so damn dark it’s impossible to tell. This was the Eagle Trail while the Turkeys took the first set of steps. Grover Lane is, mercifully, but one short block and brought the Eagles back with the Turkeys on Towne Terrace. A short distance along, we discovered Rubik’s Pube dispensing hard stuff from the back of her car like a common drug pusher.

The pack staggered away on-up Towne Terrace to Mission Street and were pointed on-right to an on-right onto Chrystal Terrace. When this street ended, we took a locals-only on-left to Pine Place. Pine Place rapidly degenerates into an unpaved, unimproved, muddy footpath where all wheel drive vehicles are the norm. Pine Place ends at Union Street and dictates an on-left back to Mission Street. Trail turned on-right at Mission to a check at Chestnut Street Extension. Here’s where the tragedy of a tri-powered hare ensemble raised it’s ugly little head. There was much sniffing and more than a little cursing as hounds howled due to their inability to locate trail. All manner of avenues of exit was sniffed to no avail. On-on was eventually sounded on the opposite side of Mission proceeding on-up Highland Avenue. We were later to learn hares got their wires crossed somewhere along the line and we should never have been directed to Chestnut Street Extension. Meanwhile, back on true trail…

The pack proceeded on-up Highland to High Street and on-right to take the pedestrian overcrossing of Highway 1 and then along High Street. Once to Mission Plaza Park, our favored BN mark was observed and the hares were found there, cooler perched on a park bench like a common drunk. Two huge arrows were on the ground here. After completing our visit, trail made the members on-out down School Street to the perilous steps, both shallow and steep, on-down to North Pacific Avenue. Here we were directed on-left to River Street and on-left there again. We traveled quite a distance on River and were being to doubt the sanity of our hares. We were approaching Highway 1 and could not conceive of being forced into a crossing. At Potrero Street, a hare arrow directed us on-left. Our course of action gelled, we were heading back to Mission Plaza Park as per Groundhog Day rules! And we did, on-left and on-up back beside Holy Cross Church and back onto the previous trail to find the hares again/still in the park.

After the completion of our second (illegal) visit to Mission Plaza Park, we undertook the short jaunt to the top floor of the Locust Street Garage for Religion. Here, for a reason that remains a mystery to me, Religious Adviser Dung-Fu Grip put on a tie (a perfect Windsor knot!) and hopped up on the tailgate of Beermeister TIMMY!!’s truck and fire up his Religion machine.

Let’s recap with a sampling of down-downs issued this night: Broke Bench Mountain for DRIVING to Religion and making Cumz Out My Nose who is on crutches from her recent knee replacement surgery WALK to Religion; TIMMY!! for exhibiting his short-cutting tendencies(again!); TIMMY!! and Dung-Fu Grip for stripping on trail, well, really they were just changing clothes but they made sure their…uh…attributes were put on display; those that did not do the ‘Infinity Loop’ at Holy Cross Church; Rubik’s Pube for losing her chapeau along trail; Clearly Not A Hooker for going to the wrong parking garage for Religion and Rubik’s Pube for her impending birthday. On-on-on was staged…oh. Hares. It’s so easy to forget those wanks! Anyway, co-hares Rubik’s Pube, Carlos Danger and Snake Me Anywhere were thanked for the novel theme of their trail but I heard no compliments on trail itself. On-on-on was staged at the pop-up formerly home to Planet Fresh Burrito though Rumor Central contends a substantial percentage of the pack went next door…the Red Room!

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind that I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-30.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the sixth day of February in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe