Point the way,

To the exit from this trail. Clearly Not A Hooker and (purported) Mystery Co-Hare Dung-Fu Grip spared no chalk this evening. They also gave a sound thrashing to the hounds. What follows is the sad tale of such.

Point A was Sante Adairius’ Portal on Water Street. The interior was quite lively and the pack brightened the exterior. We were pleasured by old kennel mate Pinch the Head and Twist It. She has not been seen in two years, I guess she finally finished her time. Banana Basher also slithered on-up Cayuga to plague us with his presence. He still possesses no apparent intrinsic value. Half of last week’s hare-pair, Circle Gherkin’, showed snout but head hare( who said head?) Cold Smegma Kamikaze knew better than to manifest his muzzle this week. Many of us are still smarting from last week’s trail of terror. Speaking of last week, Flours For Anal Bum was to co-hare rather than Circle Gherkin’ but claimed to be too ill to do so. I make the assumption she refers to a physical malady rather than the (numerous) mental defects she obviously possesses. This week she was to take over the reins of power as Beermeister. She did not show this week either. She has traversed the distance from hero to zero in two short weeks. TIMMY!! will have the (dis)pleasure of continuing as Beermeister for at least another week. That’s as much gossip as can be relayed this week.

With a minimal amount of coaxing, the hare-pair relayed Instructions of Trail. They were just as uninformative as we’ve come to expect form the likes of Hooker and Dung-Fu, masters of chicanery they both are. Hares away.

The pack spent the next fifteen minutes of their lives eating, drinking, paying bar tabs and, most of all, ignoring what was anticipated to be a trail of little or no significant importance. We are somewhat prescient in that respect. The fifteen did pass and the herd was mandated to migrate to the parking lot by co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain to conduct Circleup for Introductions. The result of this was haring from: Pinch the Head and Twist It, TIMMY!!, Cum You Will Not, Steamy Baanorrhea, Banana Basher, dBASED, Circle Gherkin’ and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency consisted of Scratch and Sniff, Spot’d Dick and Junk Puncher. Pack out.

Trail led the litter on-right to the evening’s first check at Poplar Avenue. Trail, heralded by arrows-only, was located crossing Water Street, Soquel Avenue, through the parking lot for Staff of Life and to exit the rear onto Gault Street. At Gault it was on-right past the abode of Just Foot Pussy and Bacon Queef, whom, incidentally, was at the start but opted to remain drinking rather than hash the trail, and then a quick on-left onto Sumner Avenue and two blocks later on-left onto Effey Street. Then we blasphemed the grounds of Star of the Sea Catholic Church and were ejected onto Fredrick Street. An on-right there brought us to an extended stay at the intersection with Broadway. After considerable sniffing here, Steamy located trail continuing on Fredrick and then to make an on-right onto Windham Street.

Soon it was on-left onto Darwin Street. When Darwin ends at Clinton Street, it was on-left. when Clinton comes to a climax, an arrow pointed the pod on-right onto Owen Street. Owen, too, was taken to the limit and when it ended an on-right was dictated onto Watson Street and took the troops to Seabright Avenue where one of the ubiquitous arrows turned us on-left and across Murray Street and, sadly, past Brady’s Yacht Club with no Gorilla Beer Check. The next street, Marine Parade, was chosen and it, too, was taken to it’s terminal point where it was on-right onto Fourth Avenue by necessity. Now we entered a slight danger zone. Partway along Fourth, the OTHER Yacht Club, that being Santa Cruz Yacht Club, kindly provides an on-left locals-only point of ingress to the Lower Yacht Harbor. I doubt such was placed here for the convenience of hashers and we may not even meet with their approval but the hares opted to drag us on-down this walkway nonetheless.

We are now at the Lower Harbor and here yet another arrow got the gang to on-left. Let’s fast forward to the steps on-left that lead on-up from the Upper Harbor. This delivered us back to Fredrick Street but soon arrows had us on-right into Fredrick Street Park. At the harbor side of the Park, Liquor Check was staged on a bar-be-cue grille! Everyone got toasted too! In addition to some rotgut liquor, it featured ‘edible stickers’. That being said, the digestibility of said ‘edible stickers’ is still a subject open to debate. Suffice it to say all the dogs present refused the offer made them. It was then on-down to the Upper Harbor and on-left and on-up through Arana Gulch to exit onto Agnes Street, on-right to South Park Way and on-left there all the way to Soquel Avenue.

We were directed across Soquel Avenue onto Park Way. This began a rather long, if not simply boring, traipse to just before where Park Way ends and there we took an on-left onto Roxas Street. One block later it was on-left onto Marnell Avenue. One block late the BN was observed and Beer Check was staged on Fairmount Avenue beside John D. Franks Park. It was here we discovered the hare-pair swilling away on Beer Check beer. After sufficient time was wasted waiting for the Walkers, a phone call determined the lazy dogs had shortcutted at Soquel Avenue directly to the site for Religion behind the Safeway on Morrissey. The hounds at Beer Check migrated there via Marnell and Melrose avenues. Upon our arrival, we found Pinch the Head cracking the whip on her fellow hashers. That is meant literally, she had a bullwhip and it was emitting cracking noises when she used it properly. Mercifully, dBASED fired up his Religion machine which (somewhat) calmed Pinch the Head. Here’s a sampling of what transpired during Religion: those that missed/skipped/avoided Beer Check; backsliders were punished; co-hare Clearly Not A Hooker for her ‘edible stickers’ at Liquor Check and finally the hares themselves. There was some mention of a relatively scenic trail but the length was deemed excessive and the absence of flour was inexcusable. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was held at Taqueria Santa Cruz, conveniently located directly across the street from the One-Double-Oh-Seven Club.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events even though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject still open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-34.

By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the sixth day of March in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen