Pitch a tent,
Because our hares have INTENT. Better yet, pitch out these hares. I must say though I do not remember a trail constructed with such careful butchery in quite a while. Previously, I had found it preferable to do my remembering alone. This trail shattered that illusion. I do not wish to relive the terror by myself. Misery loves companionship to share the pain, reduce the stress inherent in a Cum,U Will Not! and Steamy Baanorrhea trail. Dive in if you wish.
So, there we were(there we were) at campsite six, New Brighton State Beach Campground. As a digression, Rumor Central says after dark hashers renamed this place Campsite Sex. You can fill in the holes in that story yourself I’m certain. Things began innocently enough; Cum, U Will Not! welcoming hounds to the hash while criminal colleague Steamy Baanorrhea prelaid the Eagle trail. This is par for the course, of course. Little did we know what treachery awaited us just minutes into our future.
As usual, the hares hopped around and did not come close to the standard on-out time. Just as we thought they may finally start this trail, Cum came to the picnic table carrying all the ingredients necessary for Liquor Check. Normally such components are concealed along trail but this hare-pair opted to hold Liquor Check prior to trail’s even starting. Novel idea. Not intriguing, impressive or intelligent, just novel. While hounds bellied up to the bar, technically the picnic table, Cum came on an adjoining table and put out Instructions of Trail. They only made people drink more I fear. Soon Steamy attempted to hoist her out of the hole she’d dug for herself but that effort only led to his joining her in the depths of despair. Hares away.
The next fifteen were spent at Liquor Check by those fearful of what may befall them soon. That included everyone. Broke Bench Mountain threw a 25 pound box of chalk on the table saying he did not want us to run out. dBASED said he already had a box of such size it was difficult to lift. More on the Chalk Controversy during Religion, it will take on humorous overtones then. After Liquor Check items were almost depleted, GM Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions which resulted in his hearing from: Rubik’s Pube, dBASED, Dung-Fu Grip, Flours For Anal Bum, Chippin’ Ballz, TIMMY!!, Pink Cherry Licker, Fap Jack, Circle Gherkin’, Just Josh, Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea), Cold Smegma Kamikaze and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We had a small canine contingency this week consisting of only Spot’d Dick and Swamp Rat. Pack out.
As the road in the campground has no name, I will fast forward to the trail, or more precisely it’s remnants, that lead on-down to New Brighton Beach. Once we hit rock bottom, it was on-right and on-up first to the parking lot and then on-left to the railroad tracks. Soon it was on-left onto a path that towered above Monterey Bay and would bring us to the promised Turkey/Eagle split. It’s a beautiful day, let’s soar with the Eagles. The Eagles went on-left at the split and took a shiggy trail, amongst lots of poison oak, to the end of El Salto Drive followed by an on-left onto Oakland Avenue. This street ends at the remnants of Grand Avenue, most of which has been claimed by the Bay. Taking Grand Avenue will deliver you to the edge of the infamous steps leading on-down to Capitola Village. And we took them. And they took us. At the bottom it was on-right onto El Camino Medio Street to Monterey Avenue. There, an on-left was quickly followed by an on-right onto Cherry Avenue to Fanmar Way. At Fanmar we turned on-left and crossed Capitola Avenue and on-right onto Riverview Avenue.
This worked for us until Blue Gum Avenue where an on-right soon yielded to an on-left onto Riverview Drive. This soon became an on-right onto Oak Drive followed by an on-right onto Beverly Avenue. At Burlingame Avenue it was on-right again. Burlingame morphs into Beulah Drive which brought us to Capitola Avenue for the third time today. Worse yet, it was adjacent to the Hound Pound, AKA the damn police station. Rather rude of a hare to take us near such. Just shy of the cop shop, it was on-left into a city parking lot which would take us to Bay Avenue. On-right onto Bay soon became an on-left onto Monterey Avenue. This began a lengthy and slightly on-up which would continue until an on-right onto Elinor Street followed by an on-left onto Columbus Drive and then an on-right onto Cortez Street where we would soon view our favored BN mark which would take the troops into Cortez Park.
Our business concluded here it was on-out onto Sir Francis Avenue and on-right onto Kennedy Drive. From here it was on-down to the park and on-up Sunset Trail back to Campsite Six/Sex. Once there, Cum distributed watermelon and promised she had other things she’d like us to eat later. After everyone had a sticky face, Dung-Fu Grip cranked up his Religion machine. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs issued this night: Broke Bench Mountain for losing track of the Hash numbers; the lazy bastards that set not so much as one rear paw upon trail; Dung-Fu Grip for commenting on how much friggin’ chalk we have and then not taking so much as one little nub on trail; dBASED celebrated his one-thousand and sixty-ninth hash with us; Flours For Anal Bum for grazing on various shrubs and grasses along trail; backsliders were busted; Cum Not for using Cold Smega’s mortal name; Hareless was awarded the Best Puff Impersonation(in absentia) for last week and Fap Jack as our birthday boy. Oh. And the hares…everyone thanked them for the scenery but little(if anything) was said about trail.
On-on-on? We were already there. Grilled cheese sandwiches and s’mores were provided. This Hash is over!
The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.
A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.
I chose to not complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-48.
By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the fourth day of June in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.
Submitted with all respect due,
Puff
the
Magic Drag Queen
Surf City H3 Scribe