Paradigm Shift,

Is how we will begin this week’s Hash Trash issue. Normally, this would begin with the traditional bashing of last week’s trail and it’s perpetrators, the hare(s). This week will be different though. Scribe waited until Tuesday to receive emails as he normally does detailing the failure(s) of the weeks hare(s). However, this week Scribe did not receive such. No harsh invectives or vitriolic insults were leveled against this week’s hare-pair.

Now that the subject has been raised, and I believe I can speak on Dung-Fu Grip’s behalf in this matter as well, we wish to thank everyone for the offers of gift cards and free dinners but we cannot accept such. This past Thursday’s trail was merely indicative of how Dung-Fu Grip and yours truly assemble trails. We only ask that you look forward with near-orgasmic anticipation of our next joint outing.

So, that matter dispensed with we will now proceed as normal.

The hare-pair chose two Virgin sites for this week’s trail. We began from Firefly Tavern, that’s the former 99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall for those of you in residence here in days BC. (Before Covid) Trivia: 99 Bottles was the rendezvous for dBASED and Occasional Rapist’s first date. The inside of the building filled quickly enough followed by the (small) outdoor drinkin’ area.

Below we see the outdoor drinkin’ area commandeered by hashers. We also see Sargent-at-Arms, Just Foot Pussy, ensuring mortals will not attempt to join us.

You will also take note of the fact our long-lost Hashit has finally returned to the fold. Supposedly, Just Foot Pussy was allowed to keep it even though he said he would be working most Thursdays and therefore unable to return it anytime soon. No one seemed to care. This is a gentle way of saying no one wanted to be stuck carrying the damn thing.

Not long past the advertised 6:33 on-out time, Dung-Fu Grip delivered Instructions of Trail. At first, his co-hare thought he may be planning a different trail than the one they scouted together but then remembered the old maxim: Hares lie! It all made sense then. Hares away.

As Scribe was not present for the festivities, he assumes it was the standard fare; settle bar tabs and ignore the potential perilous problems that awaited them on trail.

After the 15 freebies were spent, co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions and heard from the following: TIMMY!!, Clearly Not A Hooker, Just Josh, Steamy Baanorrhea, Flours For Anal Bum, Worm, Hareless, Cum, U Will Not!, Just Foot Pussy, Circle Gherkin’, Just Jackie, Virgin Brie, dBASED, Today Is Monday, Pink Cherry Licker and Jizziki. On the four-legged hound side, we were riding high tonight: Spot’d Dick, Junk Puncher(back from vacation), Scratch and Sniff, Niko, Bukkake and Skipper. Pack out.

Trail took a familiar route, an alley! It was up Commerce Lane, on-left at Church Street to a check at Cedar Street. Trail was found on Cedar, on-right onto Plaza Lane and on-right onto Pacific Avenue. In keeping with tradition, flour is verbotten on Pacific. In front of Sockshop, a hare arrow pointed the pod on-left and to traverse the width of Bookshop Santa Cruz. Once that was successfully dealt with, a check was discovered on the triangular traffic island at the intersection of Front Street and River Street.

True trail was discovered through the Galleria complex to a check at River Street South and then across the pedestrian bridge and once across, on-right on the levee walkway. Just over the bridge above Branciforte Creek another check was observed. A false on-left left but one option, to continue along the river levee walkway. This took the troops to a check on-left and on-down from the levee at Broadway. Trail was located on-right across the Laurel Street bridge to a check at Front Street. Across the street trail was located behind the tire store, the site of many a Religion, and then along Laurel Street Extension and, curse these hares, on-up the damn steps to the top of Beach Hill. At the intersection with Third Street the promised Turkey/Eagle split was encountered. As Scribe was pretending to be the Turkey hare, he hasn’t a clue as to where the Eagles were taken but knows Beach Street and Neary Lagoon were in their immediate future. The Turkeys were taken on-right on Third and on-right and on-down Front Street.

At the intersection with Pacific, trail turned on-left to cross and then on-right to an on-left onto Sycamore Street and on-right onto Cedar Street. This would eventually cross Laurel Street and on-left onto Maple Street and on-right onto Center Street. This lasted until Lincoln Street where an on-right was dictated. Once across Cedar, an on-right led the litter down another great alley. The Turkey hare was also joined here by a walking Cumz Out My Nose who had concocted her own trail to get her miles in. They joined forces and crossed the parking lot where the Farmer’s Market is held and threw down the BN pointing towards the front door of Lupulo. This was our second Virgin site for the evening.

This yielded much rejoicing. The place has over a hundred beers. That’s enough for even THIS thirsty pack!

Before everyone went back in for a second(or THIRD in some cases) beer, the GMs told everyone to pack it in and head(Who said…) for the top floor of the Locust Street car park. Once reassembled, Religious Adviser Pink Cherry Licker fired up her insult machine. Here are a few of the results of her actions this night: The RA(also this month’s Beermeister) was busted for not bringing the chips; Worm for shedding blood on trail; those that ran through false markings; Just Josh announces he will hare for Can’d this weekend; backsliders were punished; the Virgin was welcomed; Just Foot Pussy for (finally) bringing back our Hashit; the harriette that…uh…extricated dog poop from her dog’s butt(YUK!); Fap Jack for setting off a car alarm; Cum, U Will Not! for 25 consecutive hashes; the GMs for not giving a Chalk Talk and that was deemed enough. Oh, wait. I almost forgot how the hares were lauded for the start location and the Beer Check location but that was about it for them. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was back at Firefly who now wisely stays open till 10 and saw eight hashers in attendance.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I Chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-49.

By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirteenth day of June in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe