Sunshine,

And I would like to ‘shine on’ this Hash Trash but my superiors demand I pen such. I will endeavor to read the fine print more closely on the next contract I sign.

Why would I ever wish to skip penning a Trash? Well, in this particular instance it is due to this trail being so haphazardly constructed as to throw half the pack off true trail then chide the hounds for the hares’ failure. Evidence of their half-mindedness will be detailed below.

As is the usual ploy of hares that are not confident in their trail, choose a hound-friendly start. Consequently, Point A was old favorite New Bohemia Brewery on Lower 41st Avenue. Everyone likes the place and the sun was out. We basked in the warmth like lazy lizards. Or dogs.

Occasional Rapist has returned to the pack after visiting her sister, Dirty Bean, in a foreign country, New Mexico to be specific. I’ve heard it’s frequently hot there, fit only for succulents. Each to their own though I guess. It’s nice to have her home, this trail notwithstanding. Oh, yeah. Nice to have Junk Puncher tapping us again as well. Princess Di(arrhea) was in attendance sans crutches or anything else to lean on for that matter. A nice sight. The former Just Josh is now Oral D courtesy of his Mother Hash, Can’d out of Monterey. As the story behind his naming is rude at best and obscene at worst, get in touch with him(so to speak) if you wish to know of it.

After zero hour came and went, the hare-pair delivered Instructions of Trail. It was announced trail would be ‘short and shitty’. Well, least they were HALF truthful with us. Hares away.

Fifteen minutes were consumed consuming remaining ales and disposing of bar tabs. After the passage of this well-respected tradition, co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain requested a Circelup for Introductions and this resulted in hearing from: Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Pink Cherry Licker, TIMMY!!, Oral D, Steamy Baanorrhea, Dung-Fu Grip, Flours For Anal Bum, Cum, U Will Not!, Boneless Shelter and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. We would be joined (very) late on trail by Virgin Slim. For our canine contingency we had Happy, Spot’d Dick and Scratch and Sniff with Junk Puncher co-haring. Pack out.

Trail proceeded north on 41st one block to Jade Street where an on-right was dictated all the way to 45th Avenue where a rapid fire on-left/on-right placed the pack on Topaz Street. A block later at 49th Avenue, hare incompetence raised it’s little cotton tail.

Rumor Control contends trail took 49th on-left to Capitola Road and on-right there and on-down Wharf Road and then on-right onto Cliff Drive. The transition was then made from Cliff Drive onto Portola Drive followed by on-right onto Nova Drive and then on-left onto Bain Drive. A block later it was on-left onto Adriene Way which brought the brood back to Portola Drive. An on-right here and it was on-in to Beer Check in the parking lot at 41st Avenue. That was true trail.

However, and Scribe wishes to place blame on pee-poor marking at 49th, Dung-Fu Grip went on-right on 49th and intersected with true trail on Portola. This enabled him and those that heeded his On-On! call to shortcut a substantial portion of this trail. That proved acceptable as it was a lousy trail anyway.

So, here we are(here we are) in the parking lot on the corner of Portola Drive and 41st Avenue in plain sight of any law enforcement passing by. We did manage to give out a couple of our business cards to interested individuals. Hounds straggled in; short-cutters, (unintentional) short-cutters, true trailers and walkers. All in all, it was an extended reassembling of the pack. Eventually all snouts reappeared and drinks were drunk. It was then time to undertake the jaunt on-up 41st to a closed business across the street from our start at NuBo Brewery.

Once intact again, Dung-Fu Grip cranked up Religion. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this evening: Dung-Fu Grip awarded himself a down-down for his (unintentional) short-cutting; Flours For Anal Bum was given the nickname of Trail Grazer for her persistent devouring of flowers, plants and lawn clippings she discovers along trail; Cum, U Will Not! for not bringing the Hashit; Thmp-Thmp for meeting a dog along trail named Chad(Thmp-Thmp’s mortal name); those that did not do trail; Virgin Slim as an interloper; Oral D celebrated his hash handle and Cumz out My Nose received names for her new knees. Then it was off to on-on-on at…oh. The damn hare-pair. They were thanked for starting at New Bohemia Brewing but Scribe heard no compliments directed at trail. NOW it was off to Taqueria Vallarta for on-on-on. This Hash is over.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-50.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-first day of June, the Summer Solstice, in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe