Prepare yourselves,

Not so much for this Trash but what it will tell you about Broke Bench Mountain, AKA Bubbles the Unicorn, and his criminal colleague, Clearly Not A Hooker. She may be Clearly Not A Hooker but she has other aspects to her persona more threatening and terrifying. (If not MUCH more) Here’s how this week’s chapter of calamity unfolded.

This trail was typical early 21st century ugly. Beginning the Rainbow Hash from the Blue Lagoon is done to make the pack believe they are cared for. What the hares REALLY cared about is torturing the troops terribly. So, begin from a familiar location appropriate for this week’s theme and the gang will believe a good trail is to follow. Here’s how THIS one went for us.

Hounds slowly trickled in to an almost-empty Blue Lagoon. Like most fun spots here in the Cruz, the curtain does not rise on the play until much later. We are safe showing our snouts at this hour. The bar and the adjacent tables were confiscated for our own end and occupied as the pack grew. Eventually Bubbles burst in soon to be followed by the Hooker in full-on unicorn regalia.

Where does someone, even someone as weird as our Hooker, find such attire? On second thought, I prefer not to have that knowledge nor would I ever consider patronizing such a business myself anyway. Movin’ on… Instructions of Trail, assuming there even more some, were not heard by anyone with whom I spoke. The Hooker DID place instructional markings on the sidewalk representative of those we would see along trail. Soon after this, co-GMs Broke Bench Mountain/Bubbles the Unicorn and Cumz Out My Nose called for Circleup for Introductions and…wait…what is co-hare Broke Bench doing here? Oh. The hare-pair will escort the hounds along trail. A dead hare trail, something we have not had in quite a while. In our infancy, such was staged at Surf City to insure as few hounds as possible became lost and would require a hare rescue event. This trail, however, was dead hare probably owing to the fact the hares had little to no confidence in their trail-laying ability. Back to Circleup for Introductions. Heard from during this event was: Bacon Queef, Hugh Heifer, Pink Cherry Licker, Fap Jack, Rubik’s Pube, Steamy Baanorrhea, Boneless Shelter, dBASED, Today Is Monday, Occasional Rapist, Gary the Shit Stain, Dung-Fu Grip, Dog Breath, Circle Gherkin’, Cum, U Will Not! and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency consisted of Happy, Scratch and Sniff, Junk Puncher and Spot’d Dick. Pack (and hares!) out.

It was south on Pacific to the first check at Laurel Street. On-on was soon sounded continuing towards the water. I did not hear of a Guerilla Beer Check at the Asti but would not be surprised if there was one. Trail continued along Pacific and made a counterclockwise circle of the traffic circle at Center Street and West Cliff Drive. This put the pack on a collision course with Beach Street and the Boardwalk beyond. Sounds sketchy. And it was. At the next traffic circle we again went against the grain and circumnavigated counterclockwise. Acting counterintuitively has become the norm for this hare-pair.

Now we’re traipsing along Beach Street rubbing elbows (and the occasional butt) with hundreds of turistas who have opted to begin the Fourth of July holiday a day (or two) early. The street is jammed and the beach volleyball courts are all occupied. There were many interesting sights on the beach but Hash Flash will retain those pictures for ‘personal use’. We’re reached Cliff Street and a hare-arrow directs us on-left and on-up to Second Street where an on-right was dictated. This lasted until Riverside Avenue where we crossed on-left and over the river to an on-right on San Lorenzo Boulevard. We crossed Ocean Street and were pointed on-left to Broadway. There was one interesting sight along Ocean.

What a sad sight the above is! Harriers, let’s each choose one of the above harriettes and take them shopping sometime!!

At Broadway, the pod was pointed on-right and on-up the Broadway hill to an on-right onto Ocean View Avenue. The right side of this street may house the most stunning houses in Santa Cruz in one block. Walnut Avenue between Cedar and Chestnut streets is nice too but these mansions are spectacular. Scribe is certain you now know our destination, Ocean View Park. And there we were… After our business was concluded here, which was not over until every dog in the pack played with every dog in the park, it was off to the second Beer Check of the evening, this one on the hounds, to be followed by Religion close by. We exited the park to South Branciforte Avenue and did the (steep) on-up to Buena Vista Avenue, on-right there to Logan Street, on-left there to slide into The Blue on Seabright Avenue for second Beer Check. By this stage of the game, things had begun to deteriorate. Much drinking was followed by a little more of the same. The only impressive act perpetrated here was Dung-Fu Grip and Puff teaming up with Circle Gherkin’ to ‘tag’ the ceiling! You’ll have to view the Flash to see their handiwork. We shall live in infamy in this watering hole for quite a while I dare say.

After the settling of bar tabs, we crossed Seabright onto Watson Street to hold Religion. Once sufficiently regrouped, Dung-Fu Grip grabbed the helm. Here’s a sampling of down-downs issued this session: visitors were welcomed; those that did BWAC campout were recognized; those that shunned this week’s rainbow and/or unicorn theme were punished; Co-hare Clearly Not A Hooker for wearing a costume so confining she couldn’t see where the hell she was going; Steamy Baanorrhea for being repeatedly chased off the Boardwalk by security guards; Circle Gherkin’ for perpetrating (penetrating?) an obscene(erotic?) act at Campout last weekend; Dung-Fu Grip celebrated his 425th Hash with us and (extreme) backslider Dog Breath was punished. This Hash is…oh. The hare-pair. They were thanked for the colorful theme and two Beer Checks but no (complimentary) mention was made about trail. This Hash is over!

On-on-on convened at Engfer’s Pizza and we closed the place down. And then some.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mine I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-52.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the Fourth of July, Independence Day, in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe