The heat is on,

I only wish it were sufficient to fricassee the hare-pair we were burdened with for this trail. We coagulated at Seabright Social, that’s Seabright Brewery for you old timers, and this was the only time we felt social towards these hares all evening. Both Pink Cherry Licker and Baker’s Dozen’t are nice people so you may find my judgement rather harsh. I can, however, produce evidence to support this assertion. Peruse forward.

The mob assembled on the patio area of Seabright Social and caught the final sunlight before the sun dropped behind the building wall. The air immediately cooled. As Instructions of Trail were distributed, the temperature became downright frigid. There were some extravagant promises made(none of which were fulfilled) and trail was to be short as well. The only hound that found trail to be short was Hareless who became disgusted by Liquor Check and went the hell home. Hares away.

Much socializing was perpetrated after the hares’ departure. This frequently is to allay fears that trail will prove to be less than promised and, even possibly, no fun as well. After settling beer tabs, co-GMs Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions and heard responses from: dBASED, TIMMY!!, Occasional Rapist, Steamy Baanorrhea, Cum, U Will Not!, Oral D, Taco Tramp, Virgin Johnny, Dung-Fu Grip, Hareless, Hairy Potter and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our canine contingency this week was Scratch and Sniff, Spot’d Dick and Junk Puncher. Pack out.

Trail took the troops on-left from the patio on-up Seabright Avenue to an on-left onto Logan Street. This lasted but a block to an on-right onto Mountain View Avenue. The next street, Pine Street, yielded and on-right and once back to Seabright, on-left we went. This, too, lasted but one block and then it was on-right onto Clinton Street. Again, one block and it was on-left onto Darwin Street. Let’s not change now, one block later it was on-right onto Windham Street. Next, and you could probably see this one coming, one block later was an on-left onto Fredrick Street.

We were now allowed to continue ahead until Hanover Street where the pod was pointed on-left. As you know, the palatial castle belonging to Bacon Queef and Just Foot Pussy is located on this street but marker in front of the door indicated no Beer Check available. Reportedly there was some obscene interaction between JFP and a few hounds but I dare not repeat such without having witnessed it myself. That being said, if I HAD seen this event, I probably STILL would not detail it as I do not wish to be known as a party to such an indecent event!

Trail continued along Hanover. Beside the skating rink were two (mostly) empty Modelo Especial bottles. Rumors were spread someone partially refilled one of these bottles but again, as Scribe did not personally witness an event of such vulgar magnitude I shan’t repeat it. At Seabright, our third visit of the evening, it was on-right to Soquel Avenue and on-left at Lillian’s Italian Restaurant followed by an on-left onto Pennsylvania Avenue. Could we be on track to invade the abode of Dung-Fu Grip? Yes, we were and we DID. Liquor Check was staged on the stage of his carport.

Upon completion of our appointed rounds here, trail on-outed on Pennsylvania to Broadway and across. The hares resumed their previous strategy. One block past Broadway it was on-right onto Windsor Street. One block later it was on-left onto Pine Street. One block later, on-right onto Windham Street. One block later, on-left onto Caledonia. one block later, yet again, it was on-left onto Pleasant Street. Scribe is now getting dizzy. One block later, on-right (back) onto Pine Street. Is there no end to this madness?!? I capitulate!

(ONE) Block later at our favorite five-way intersection, that being Pine, Cayuga and Buena Vista, trail took the troops on-right onto Buena Vista. I need not tell you how many blocks later we were directed on-left onto Idaho Avenue and the appropriate number of blocks later on-right onto Seaview Avenue. Miraculously, Seaview was abused until it’s terminus followed by an on-left onto Hiawatha. Hiawatha makes a pair of ninety degree wiggles and ends at Mountain View where an on-right yielded to a locals-only path across the railroad tracks to Murray Street. At Murray Street (DGK) we crossed and proceeded on-right to East Cliff Drive. There we were led on-left and on-down to what is colloquially called Princes Park as it overlooks the mouth of the San Lorenzo River where three Hawaiian princes introduced surfing to North America in 1885. Beer check…finally.

While we were here, a black-and-white pulled up. Beers were rapidly and cleverly hidden. In the end though it was found they were there to discuss a gentleman’s state of intoxication with him. He had climbed the fence onto San Lorenzo Point and was yelling loudly and getting precipitously close to the precipice. They whisked him away. Back to Beer Check duties.

Upon completion of our duty here, we motivated to the Museum of Natural History, colloquially called the Whale Museum, to stage Religion. By the time we arrived, we’d lost two harriettes, Pink Cherry Licker and Hareless, both of whom claimed not to be feeling well. Pink Cherry Licker checked in the next day with not only COVID but strep as well. YIKES!

Dung-Fu Grip took the stage, literally as well as figuratively, at the museum as Religious Adviser. Here’s a sampling of the down-downs issued this night: backsliders were punished, Cumz Out My Nose was congratulated on completing trail in it’s entirety on her new knees, those that beat on Just Foot Pussy’s door were recognized, Virgin Johnny was welcomed, Virgin Johnny was also mocked for catching a bag of dog poop tossed him by Broke Bench. And the hares, they were told the one-block turn trail was interesting but did not salvage an otherwise shitty trail. This Hash is over.

On-on-on was convened (again) at Engfer’s Pizza. Liz was unable to turn off the lights quickly enough I guess!

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to become the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor remains a subject open to debate.

Scribe chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-54.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the eighteenth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-three.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe