Before I discuss the wonders of hash 1332, I need to write something I’ve wanted to write for a long time. That is, why I think even having a scribe is important and how I think it should work. First, I want to say Puff has been doing a great job, but it is not the job I personally envision. If you want to see some titles of old good hash trashes click here. Sadly, all the links there appear to no longer work, but you can get idea of what used to happen.

I do think that creating a good weekly hash trash is generally hard work. That’s because it is hard to say something new each week. Read on for how I think this can be solved.

Now, I want to discuss how the hash trash worked when I started hashing. No, not with Surf City, but with the Long Beach Hash. Before the internet. Before most people had email (I had it). Heck, a lot of people did not even have a computer. And, of course, some of you were not born. The Long Beach Hash weekly PRINTED a two page, 2 sided newsletter. The first thing there was the trash from the previous hash. When you arrived at a hash, one of the first things you did was pick up the hash trash and find out what someone thought about last weeks hash. If you didn’t show up, the trash would be sent via US Mail for the first 2 or 3 weeks you did not show up. Other than a writeup from the previous hash, the hash trash also contained where the next hash was, the hareline, announcements, and maybe some jokes (if there was space for it).

Hares were expected to recruit a scribe. Typically, when a hare started setting a trail, they would be asked who their scribe was. Often, hares and scribes swapped for each other. IOW, if you scribe for me when I am a hare, I will scribe for you when you are a hare. While this scenario would solve what I want – it is not what I propose. I propose the job of our hash scribe is to recruit scribes, upload what they have written to the web site, and harass anyone who says they will do and they do not. Scribing should be like haring – everyone should do it every once in a while. If you have to be the scribe once every 3 months, it should not be too big a deal. Funny is good, but a different voice (other than Puff!) is great. Trash’s just need to be original in my book. 

One of my favorite trash’s of all time went like this:. Step 1, wake up from hang over (the hash was on a Sunday morning) and look at clock. Step 2, look at last week’s hash trash and see who the hares were and where it was. Step 3, if the hares were the Bator Brothers (think of Dung Fu X2 and no Turkey trail) – go back to sleep or fuck the hasher you met last night one more time. This was all done with the aid of hand drawn pictures (no one had digital cameras).

Another favorite hash trash is one I wrote for a hash I did not attend! The year I was the On-Sec for Long Beach, my most prolific author was Doggie Style. She was very good 99% of time. One week she fucked up and didn’t get me the write-up before my deadline. So, I made something up and every third sentence was Fuck You Doggie Style. Most people appreciated my humor. However, I did get a pie in the face for it (I knew it was coming) and the person in charge of mailing the hash trash considered it pornography and tore off the cover page with the write up before sending it in the mail.

I printed that newsletter every week for a year. I got writeups in all sorts of ways. Hand written. Printed. On floppy disk. Rarely via email – because only a couple people had it. It was a lot of work putting it all together, but I didn’t have to be original, which I thought was harder. So, our hash scribe’s job would be a lot easier, as everyone has email. (However, no one has floppy disks!)  They wouldn’t have to print it, and getting it done by the next hash wouldn’t be a requirement. When I was printing newsletters each week, I believe I did do my fair share of scribing. So, the hash scribe likely would do this as well.

So, what do you think? Would everyone be willing to scribe periodically for the benefit of all? Or, are you you all just a bunch of lazy bastards and prefer to have Puff just do his thing?

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Now, on to the glory of this week’s hash. It started at Woodhouse at Blending and Brewing. Was the small turn out due to last week’s AGM, the third hash in a row in the same area (trail went past portions the past 2 weeks trail), the recent cold weather, or fear of another dBASED haring? Take your pick.

Here’s a picture of last week’s hash as done by Steamy Baanoreah:

Highlights of trail: 

• Thru the Mission district and over the Highway 1 bridge
• Down the locust street steps
• Around City Hall
• Up Green street and to the other side of the mission
• Down the steep steps of the mission
• Down the river levy to the government center bridge (where Jersey Lunch Box caught the hares)
• Back up the river levy, across the pedestrian bridge next to highway 1.
• Once across the bridge, turkeys went into the parking lot and the beer check The Eagles did a loop in Harvey West which included the bike path, railroad tracks, a trek through the Costco parking lot, before returning back to the bike path. The Eagles once again caught up with dBASED a little bit before returning to the bike path and returning to the Turkey Trail.

Along the way, a homeless person swung at co-hare Courtesy Flush and missed. Courtesy Flush was worried about homeless people and their dogs accosting hashers, but this never happened, The first Turkey (Broke Bench) finished near when the first Eagles finished. The remaining Turkeys finished together and the remaining Eagle (Steamy Baanorhea) finished last.

And now the part you have been waiting for. The beginning of the reign as RA of dBASED.

Serving a second non consecutive term where previously I did not receive a majority of the vote and this time I did, I believe I have received a mandate from the hash. I will do what I have promised – give down downs to hounds without whistles and hares who do not cap their falses. I will reward those who are loyal to me by making them beer fairy and vilify my opponents, such as those who talk during region. Sadly, I cannot lower taxes.

I shall not abdicate my role as RA due to large crowds, haring, drunkenness, or general malaise as my predecessors have done. I shall attempt to repeat the motions of previous esteemed RA’s such as Butt Balls and Accuprick and perhaps even Banana Basher and Timmy!

As we began religion, I noticed everyone had formed a tight circle before I had even requested it. Surely my aura must be magnificent! Everyone was reminded to bring a whistle to future hashes or absorb my wrath. FRB and DFL were honored. I got a 1150 run patch. The hares were punished for being caught. 6 of 9 was honored not having his cohort (the homeless) attack hashers. 

Before the hash had started, I asked the Woodhouse how late the kitchen would be open. They told me 9:00. Sadly, even when we arrived at 8:30, it was closed. Timmy, Puff and 6 of 9 stayed to drink, others went out in the wilds of Santa Cruz in search of nourishment.