Welcome to the abbreviated Red Dress 2021. For the second consecutive year, COVID has cramped our style. Fearing a super-spreader event, Red Dress has regressed back to Thursday from super-Saturday. Even so, forty-three half-minds donned the red for the event.

This fashion festivity found the flock convening at the Red Room. The indoor bar, both small and dark, soon gave way to the outdoor drinkin’ area. Not only did this make the pack happy but the lone bartender rejoiced to see us leave his sight as well. With over forty of we half-mind fools in attendance, jockeying for position and socializing were favorite pastimes.

There were to be two unrelated trails this evening. Surf City H3 Founder Banana Basher would lead the litter on a repeat of Surf City Hash #1 which he of course hared and then outgoing co-GM’s Baker’s Dozen’t and Dung-fu Grip would take over and lay a more up-to-date Surf City trail with an expected Turkey/Eagle split.

Hares-away heralded a return to socializing. Lets fast forward to Circleup for Introductions where answering barks were heard from the following hounds: Mr. Wiggly, Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea), Moose Turd Pie, Pink Cherry Licker, TIMMY!!, Bareback Unicrack, Dicky Wacker, New Kids On My Cock, Chippin’ Ballz, Today Is Monday, Under Where?, Just Holly, My Little Bony, Courtesy Flush, No Film, Ska-Skank Redemption, Rubik’s Pube, Penis Horn Deformity, Steamy Baanorrhea, Wicked Retahted, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Occasional Rapist, Cumz Out My Nose, International House of Pussy, L’eggs, Cunt Double, Apple Bobber, Fucked-Over Fest, Lumber Party, Virgin Kelsey, Snake Me Anywhere, Pretty Fly For A Pi Guy, Cuntjungle, dBASED, Hand Over Piss, Broke Bench Mountain, Worm, Achy-Breaky Snatch and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Our hare-trio was Banana Basher, Baker’s Dozen’t and Dung-fu Grip.

Scribe will attempt to encapsulate trail as much as possible because: 1) they were both shitty and 2) they did not contribute to the success of this Hash. 

From the Red Room, the recreation of Surf City Hash #1 turned on-right onto Locust Street, on-right onto Union Street and directly across Cedar Street and on-up the stairs to the top of the parking structure.

     

After the passage of sufficient time to ingest a minimum of two beers, Instructions of Trail were issued for a more conventional Surf City trail and co-hares Baker’s Dozen’t and Dung-fu Grip lit out. The pack straggled along behind them at their own pace. The first maneuver to be completed was to successfully negotiate the multiple flights of stairs leading on-down from the rooftop parking of the garage to street level. Once back to Locust Street, it was on-left, on-right at Pacific and on-left to violate Abbott Square via the arcade where one and all received a round of applause from patrons drinkin and dining on the large patio.

Once on Cooper Street, it was on-right to Front Street and on-right to the locals-only on-right to shortcut around the parking structure on Front and Soquel. On Soquel, the promised Turkey/Eagle split was observed. The Turkeys appear to be heading towards Pacific, let’s see what’s in store for the Eagles.

The Eagles crossed Front and turned on-right onto the river levee. The levee is sketchy during DAYLIGHT hours and is downright dangerous after the sun goes away. As we neared the Broadway/Laurel Bridge, a ‘local’ challenged our right to pass. A shout-out to Steamy Baanorrhea who stayed behind to safely escort DFL Scribe through this intersection. The Eagles crossed Laurel and headed along Laurel Street Extension and on-up the treacherous metal steps on-up to Beach Hill and on-left onto Third Street. A short on-down depositied the pod on-right onto Holden followed by an on-left onto Leibrandt which eventually took the troops to Beach Street where an on-right was indicated. Settle in for a pass-by of the closed, darkened, dreary Boardwalk.

Now we’ve made it to the Pacific Avenue Circus (ask Hand Over Piss for a translation) and made an on-right to the walkway beside the Monterey Bay Sanctuary Exploration Center. Here’s another iffy section of trail beneath the West Cliff Drive bridge. Mercifully, the City has seen fit to install lighting to illuminate this area. The same cannot be said of our next stop, Depot Park. After some brief confusion, trail was discovered behind the bathrooms and on-right on-up Chestnut Street. Chestnut Street was followed to it’s termination at Center Street. Owing to Scribe’s DFL status, he proceeded directly to Religion atop the River and River Street South parking structure.   

Once here and some semblance of order was installed, dBASED convened Religion. A number of down-downs were issued, most undeservedly. There was a considerable amount of nostalgia involved as this was celebrated as the club’s 21st birthday due to the first Hash have been staged November the ninth, 2000. All manner of Remember your first Hash? memories were shared. TIMMY!! was mocked for leaving his purse in his Uber, backsliders were punished, Virgin Kelsey was welcomed. There were others but they were even less important than the ones just mentioned. Eventually, as dBASED’s grip on the pack faded to black, the pack was dismissed and Hash 1161 declared over. That also brings this Trash to an end. Rumor Central informs me both venues suggested for on-on-on were closed. Rumor Central also contends Pretty Fly For A Pi Guy and Cuntjungle were witnessed with their rear paws caught in the bar rail at Abbott Square. That does not come as a shock though, does it?

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by  permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the seventh day of November in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one. 

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Acting Scribe

Surf City H3