In preparation,

For what promises to be an extremely wet outing for this year’s edition of the Picture Hash, we’ll revisit last week’s hash which is one you’ll truly not wish to visit with a second time. I am unable to promise this will lessen the pain you will feel tomorrow but, hopefully, it will lessen your anxiety about attending as it would be extremely difficult to surpass the pain inflicted on us last week.

Things began pleasantly enough, mounds of delicious food(there was even a turkey!) waltzed in the door followed by the Beermeister who dragged copious quantities of various types of alcoholic bevvies along. This boded well for a successful hash. At least until Whorebraham Lincoln strode in saying she’d just completed laying trail. Worse yet, she said she wasn’t sure how long it was, maybe around three miles. We wondered, Is that the ENTIRE trail or just to Beer Check? Most of us had forgotten there was even going to BE a trail. Be that as it may, the walkers soon left leaving the runners to 1) Have our way with the drinks and 2) Raid the face-feed first. Sadly, Ramrod soon said to get our butts outside for the Chalk Talk. 

The marks all appeared standard Bay Area issue except for an arrow with the digit ‘2’ above on the right side. Apparently, sections of trail would be geographically close and the ‘2’ designated the on-in trail. So, if you were stumbling along and came upon a arrow ‘squared’ mark, you’d missed Beer Check, you loser, go back and try to find it. I assume this was Whorebraham Lincoln’s solution to her having simply laid a lousy trail.

My memories of this trail are vague because 1) I do not live even close to wherever-the-hell we were and 2) I did not find this trail very interesting. So, here’s as close an approximation as I can surmise.

We motored along Villa Avenue and were turned on-left on East Main Street and then on-left at the next street, that being Pageant Way.  Pageant Way actually consists of a mild on-up which was way-the-hell more than I signed up for. The next intersection, that being one with College Avenue, we were taken on-right this time which brought us back to East Main where arrow pointed the pod on-left, over Highway 17, onto West Main and to the middle of town at the intersection of Santa Cruz Avenue. The Town Square has been a godsend for heavily-indebted PG&E. Many of us had to put sunglasses on to navigate trail.     

 

Once past the blinding lights, an on-right was made onto North Santa Cruz Avenue. By this juncture, our destination was clear, The Black Watch. And it was so done. We waited in the outdoor drinkin’ area as the bartender did not want us to commandeer the inside as we did when last we visited.  Then, upon learning we were hashers, he did not want us outside with glasses as he believed we would steal the ones we did not break. So, we were allowed inside. After enough kamikazes, Chopped Liver broke down into song and the regulars were treated to a couple of hash tunes. That was pretty much the end of the bartender’s patience and we were given the bums rush back out onto the streets.  

By this stage of the game, all bets were off as to how the pack would fare from this point forward. Hounds headed in every direction from the Black Watch. The majority appear to be going on-left, let’s follow them. They went but a short distance before crossing Santa Cruz Avenue and taking off on Elm Street. When Elm junctioned with University, a check was observed. The pack splintered further as trail was sniffed for. Eventually it was on-left onto University and then on-right at the next street, Mullen Avenue. This was a short but brightly lit block that ended at Edelen Avenue where an on-right was dictated. The residents on the left side of Edelen have placed barricades preventing vehicular traffic from turning in that direction and then dressed them in Christmas attire. This is very crafty of them but I would imagine also highly illegal. They are apparently employing Hash reasoning: Nothing is illegal until you are caught! 

Not far along Edelen, the street dumps into a parking lot. We continued through the parking lot, down a series of long ramps, past an outdoor amphitheater and on-left onto Los Gatos Greek Trail and back across Highway 17. Once across we were led on-right and on-up a series of rickety, dangerous, wet steps leading back up to East Main Street. From there we used on-out trail back to the abode of Worm’s. Once there, the face-feed was undertaken.

After no one could stuff anything else down their gullet, the White Elephant Gift Exchange was initiated. This is always good fun and, contrary to what you may be prone to believing, there are actually some ingenious and worthwhile presents present. 

As sad as it is, that pretty much put the lid on this year’s FHAC-U Christmas Party. That also caps off this week’s Hash Trash. As I will not be visiting with you again prior to Christmas, I feel certain I can speak for everyone in the Surf City H3 in wishing everyone out there in voyeur land a great Holiday Season. May you get what’s coming to you, so to speak, and may you stay well through these trying times.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-second day of December in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-one.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe