With apologies to The Bard,

The Winter of our Discontent has returned. And I refer not just to the precipitous temperature drop we are experiencing but the cold feeling we have towards last week’s trail. We have Pink Cherry Licker, an extremely experienced hare, and Pee Skool whom is, well, extremely experienced in other areas. You’d expect a trail full of the sights and sounds of a Santa Cruz evening. Well, there WERE sights, none of which do we wish to ever see again and there WERE sounds, the sounds of hounds begging for a termination to trail. None of what transpired is what we had anticipated receiving from these two harriettes.

We began our trials and tribulations from 133 Rooney Street, the current flop of Pink Cherry Licker and her (second) husband Fap Jack. As an aside to this, I took note of the fact Fap Jack chose to make himself scarce this night and vacate his own home. Make of that what thou willst.

We had a visitor, Roscoe Pee Cumstain, a friend of Cuntjungle’s from Vermont. He was not a Dukes of Hazzard fan but rather a former law enforcement officer in the Green Mountain State. I see he’s traded his badge for a beer! He sold his house, bought a travel trailer and now he and canine companion Ginger travel the globe on a quest for the perfect trail. When asked what he thought of tonight’s offering, he stuttered for a few seconds and then said, I won’t be anywhere near THIS place next Thursday! Again, make of that what thou willst.

Enough of the bad stuff though, let’s list the good points of this night.

Well, that was the quickest paragraph I’d had to pen in quite a while. Movin’ on…

We are now post-quaffing and ready to withstand Instructions of Trail from our hare-pair. It was generally accepted all the trail was a prelay. While usually condemned as an unacceptable form of hashing, the upside is that this should insure a screw-up free trail. In another break with tradition, this did not prove to be the case tonight.

Hares away was closely followed by co-GM’s Broke Bench Mountain and Cumz Out My Nose call for Circleup for Introductions. Their call to arms was answered by: Cum You Will Not, dBASED, Dicky Wacker, Wicked Retahted, Roscoe Pee Cumstain, Occasional Rapist, Rubik’s Pube, Hugh Heifer, Steamy Baanorrhea, Accuprick, Rat Pussy, Just Bryant, Deadliest Snatch, Just Sara, (still)Just Holly(but soon to change), Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Clearly Not A Hooker and Puff the Magic Drag Queen.

There’s the cast of characters (and I do mean CHARACTERS!) for tonight’s play in one act. The curtain has been raised, let the play begin.

We vacated 133 Rooney Street on-left and eventually made the on-right onto Morrissey and crossed over Highway 1. We groped along Morrissey until reaching Parnell where an on-right was indicated. This dumped us onto Poplar Street on-left and to a check at Hammond Avenue.

On-on was sounded on-left onto Hammond. Sadly, we passed a filthy alley, long the haunt of hashers everywhere and continued on to make an on-right onto Harrison Avenue. Harrison terminates on the side of the Safeway that faces Morrissey and we were then pointed on-right and into the dark and empty parking lot behind Safeway. We circled on-left through the parking lot and stumbled into the parking lot between the thrift store and Sante Adairius Tasting Room facing Water Street. For many of the pack, this trail was proving a distraction from real life and was deemed requiring a Gorilla Beer Check to enable us to see it through.

Upon the completion of our business at Sante Adairius, marker led the litter on-left on Water Street and across Morrissey onto Soquel. One block later, we were pointed on-left onto Pacheco followed by an on-right onto Parnell Street. Parnell dies at Trevethan and it was on-left there and a short distance later on-right onto Almena Street. Almena dies at Park Way and we were directed on-left. As Park Way nears it termination point at Highway 1, the pod was pointed on-right onto a locals-only walkway which dumped us onto La Fonda Avenue and an on-left was indicated there.

La Fonda was abused until Prospect Heights was reached and there we were pointed on-left and past DeLaveaga Elementary School and once back to Park Way(again) marker actually turned the troops on-right and up in the forest dark and deep and then on-left onto Old Vineyard Trail. This trail is treacherous in the light, at night it can be an ankle-breaking death sentence. As I’m certain our hare-pair executed this section of trail prior to old sol setting, they gave a never-mind to our safety.

Eventually Old Vineyard Trail ejects one back onto Prospect Heights and, lo and behold, Beer Check was staged there. This was a dark affair made bearable only by the fact we knew trail end was at hand. We departed from this place and treaded upon the one-way, not to mention (very) narrow, section of DeLaveaga Park Drive until Elk Street was reached and it was then an on-left and on-down back to Rooney Street. This time, however, it was not 133 Rooney we were seeking but, conveniently located right next door, it was 129 Rooney Street that offered us solace. This is the abode of co-hare Pee Skool and her long-suffering partner.

Once safely within it’s confine, RA Accuprick called to order, such as it is, the 1176th edition of the Surf City H3 Religion. Here’s a sampling of the poor bastards he victimized: Roscoe Pee Cumstain as a visitor and Cum You Will Not and Occasional Rapist for completing 25 consecutive hashes. There was a minor monumental event. Just Holly has completed 23 hashes and not been named. Why, you may ask? Well, because of her dogged determination to avoid every haring opportunity presented to her. Well, her innate indolence may enter into the mix too but I’d never mention that to her. So, in the interest of hash harmony, the decision to name her without having a haring beneath her rear paws was made. While a number of very rude(and appropriate) titles were advanced, it was decided to saddle her with always carrying the shame of never having hared for us. Allow me to introduce our newest (half-assed) kennel mate: Hareless.

As quite a letdown after a great naming ceremony, the hares were dealt with and chided for throwing the pack to the pumas by making us traipse through the darkened wood.

After dispensing with the hares, RA Accuprick declared this hash to be over and I hereby do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

By Special Permission of His Royal Majesty ‘G;, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the twenty-second day of February in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two(2/22/22).

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe