Our hare,

Today Is Monday, a consummate FHACU’er, was seen leaving Santa Cruz at a high rate of speed immediately following Hash 1186. That is a concise description of his opinion of the trail he laid for us which, if I may be so bold, is vastly superior to the opinion WE hold pertaining to his trail.

If you still wish to continue with the rehash of this hash, there may be something wrong with you. While drinking a beer while reading it will not cure you, it will most certainly improve your outlook.

The hare, accompanied by Yellow Prick Load, chose Urbani’s Cellar for prelube. Sadly, they were the only ones that did so. The remainder of the flock flew to Shanty Shack, Shabby Shack in hash parlance, and embarrassed themselves there. After washing enough glasses to settle their beer tab, one and all reassembled at the picnic area of Harvey West Park conveniently located beside a cemetery. And yes, you’re correct, we were here a mere three weeks prior. This is an excellent example of hare slothfulness, TIM will incorporate part of THAT trail into HIS trail.

We had a number of backsliders, e.g., Rubik’s Pube and Underwhere?, making rare guest appearances. Underwhere? brought a Virgin so we know what HE’S been up to the past few months.

After the level of socializing calmed to a dull roar, Today Is Monday mounted a picnic table and related Instructions of Trail. Sadly, there a few relatively important aspects he neglected to mention such as the Danger Cans might be taken prior to the arrival of the majority of the pack or staged in a patch of poison oak. These were details our hare deemed unnecessary.

After divesting ourselves of our hare, Dung-Fu Grip administered the Chalk Talk to Virgin Meg. She appeared to listen intently but I also took note of the fact that she was also drinking heavily at the time. Upon completion of that task, co-GM Broke Bench Mountain called for Circleup for Introductions and received responses from the following: Clearly Not A Hooker, Steamy Baanorrhea, Yellow Prick Load, TIMMY!!, Pink Cherry Licker, Pee Skool, Cum You Will Not, dBASED, Underwhere?, Banana Basher, My Little Bony, Accuprick, Virgin Meg, Cold Smegma Kamikaze, Dung-Fu Grip, Rubik’s Pube, Whackoff Smirnoff, L’eggs and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Representing our four-legged hounds was Junk Puncher, Spott’d Dick and Boulder. There’s our list of participants for this week. Let’s go see what they get up to.

There was confusion at the very start. A check atop a mound of dirt just outside Wagner Grove had hounds scurrying in all directions. It appears dBASED went on-up through Wagner Grave but found nothing, supposedly, and came back which sent everyone everywhere. More on this screw-up later. We did, sadly, find a dead black cat which Hooker promptly recommended TIMMY!! attach to the Hashit. This offer was adamantly refused. More on THIS later as well. Eventually, being firmly committed to trail proceeding through Wagner Grove, a more thorough inspection discovered flour and the pack was off.

Wagner Grove Trail ejected us onto Meadow Court which almost immediately morphs in Meadow Road which was taken to Spring Street where an on-right was indicated beginning a rather boring and definitely steep on-up to Pogonip. Once into Pogonip, the domain of the catamount, trail turned on-right onto Spring Trail. This began another boring but scenic stretch terminated by an on-right onto Lookout Trail. One would think Lookout Trail was so named due to the stellar views. This proved a misconception. The name of this trail should actually Look Out! Once through the field area, rocks and tree roots abound, each with thoughts of tripping the unwary amongst us. Poison oak, cleverly concealing itself within ivy and holly, lines both side of this supposedly scenic trail. As if that is not sufficient danger for a negligent hound, Danger Can was carelessly tossed into a patch of poison oak.

Lookout Trail winds on-down towards Harvey West Park but upon meeting up with Harvey West Trail, makes an abrupt on-left and heads on-down under the cover of Redwoods and ends at Pogonip Creek Nature Loop Trail. This trail brought the gang to Golf Club Drive where and on-right pointed us back toward civilization. A steep on-up onto the tracks and an on-right pointed the pod home. At Pioneer Street we were redirected to where the hare sat dispensing some hard liquor for those intrigued enough to try it. Munchies were also kindly provided. As if a Danger Can and Liquor Check were not sufficient, the pack then adjourned to Shanty Shack (the second time for many of us) for the Beer Check. The area was confiscated for our purposes and staff kept a sharp eye on us for the duration of our visit. After completing our business, the meeting was adjourned and reconvened back in Harvey West Park.

Once the DFL’s straggled in, Accuprick assumed the role of Religious Adviser and started rattling off a number of down-downs. Here’s a sampling: backsliders were punished; the hare was punished for not producing the FHAC-U invasion he promised; the Virgin was welcomed; the Hashit was awarded and the hare was sent packing. Due to the lateness of the hour, on-on-on was a no-show. This was when the RA declared an end to the Hash and I do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story.

The sole purpose of a Scribe is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the fourth day of May in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe