Happy Birthday to dBASED,

And let’s hope it’s his last one! He’s not such a bad guy, it’s just that his trails leave a lot to be desired. Such as being a source of enjoyment, beautiful scenery, events that leave a pleasant memory or, bluntly speaking, possess any redeeming social value whatsoever.

But enough compliments for this trail, let’s delve into the nuts and bolts that comprised such. As long as we’re speaking of nuts, let’s start with dBASED himself. As we know, he celebrated his 150th haring for Surf City just last week. We mourned. He hared yet again this week, this makes those that attended two-time losers. At least we get a respite this week, a much needed break.

We started from Robbie’s Pizza and Subs, formerly Joe’s Pizza and Subs and if you’re really old (like TIMMY!!) you will recognize this building was originally a Kentucky Fried Chicken. Enough of history though, let’s move into the 21st century. There was a small band playing on the patio and we noticed members of the audience, obviously followers, brought their own instruments and accompanied the band. This gathering coerced the clan into the indoor area which had the beneficial side effect of placing us nearer the bar. How serendipitous.

A Mismanager’s Meeting pertaining to this month’s Wharf to Barf started somewhat late, the GM’s were late. Consequently, the rank and file members were able to participate as well. Only trips to the bar and the music disturbed this interlude. Oh, and then there was the hares, all three of them. Occasional Rapist, dBASED and Junk Puncher arrived and put an end to the festivities. dBASED delivered an acceptable Instructions of Trail…if you were in the market for Fantasy or possibly Science Fiction. A number of promises were made, the vast majority of which proved to be either out-and-out fabrications or merely out of reach for dBASED to deliver on. Be that as it may, the hares hopped away, or trotted in Junk Puncher’s case, and social activity resumed at a high rate. Eventually though, fifteen minutes passed and this necessitated co-GM’s Cumz Out My Nose and Broke Bench Mountain to call for a Circleup for Introductions which resulted in responding barks from: Chippin’ Ballz, Leaky Rubber, Dung-Fu Grip, Rainbow Butthole, Pink Cherry Licker, Steamy Baanorrhea, Wines Like A Bitch, Cum You Will Not, Just Sam, TIMMY!!, Accuprick, My Little Bony, Courtesy Flush and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. Boulder was our lone four-legged hound.

Trail took the troops to the intersection of North Branciforte Avenue and Water Street where we ended up going kitty-corner and then being pointed on-left onto Stanford Avenue. Stanford was used until an on-right onto Keystone Avenue was indicated. At the next intersection, Poplar Avenue, it was soon decided the pack had missed a mark. Backtracking, marker was located utilizing Arbor Avenue leading to Chilverton Street. During Religion, this oversight would be blamed on TIMMY!! and Puff as they are elders and unable to defend themselves.

Chilverton was an on-right bringing us to Morrissey Boulevard and an on-left there. Morrissey was abused for quite a distance, so far in fact, that as it curves on-right after crossing over Highway 1, Pink cherry Licker curved on-left onto Rooney Street and went the hell home. The remaining merry members of this madness plodded forward on Morrissey until an on-right was indicated onto the locals-only walkway connecting to Holway Drive and La Fonda Avenue beyond. It was on-right onto La Fonda and back over Highway 1. A short distance later an arrow pointed the pod on-right into a Eucalyptus grove and on-up onto school grounds.

Once we wove our weary way through school grounds, we took an on-left onto Park Way to Roxas Street where we discovered Liquor Check.

We continued along Roxas until making an on-left onto San Juan Avenue followed by an on-left onto Fairmount Avenue, on-right onto Trevethan and then on-left onto Eastgate Avenue. Just prior to the end of Eastgate, a narrow alley on-right brought us to Soquel Avenue where we were directed across and on-right. This lasted until Fredrick Street.

At Fredrick, the pod was pointed on-left and then onto holy ground at Star of the Sea Catholic Church. We went through the church park and on-left on Darwin Street, on-right on Windsor Street, across Seabright and sn immediate on-right to Broadway and then on-left. Some serious circle-jerking going on there. One block later we were led on-right onto Cayuga and all the way to Soquel Avenue. It was directly across Soquel, through a parking lot and on-right on Benito Avenue. When Benito reaches school grounds, that’s where the hares staged Beer Check.

In the only fortunate event of this trail, Religion was held ten feet away. Accuprick called for Circleup and started his religion machine. Here is a sampling of down-downs issued: those with no whistle were punished; backsliders were taken to task; Broke Bench was punished for Boulder’s pooping on trail; short-cutting Eagles were chided; Wines Like A Bitch was punished for calling hounds that missed a mark ‘old people’; Steamy Baanorrhea was congratulated for finding a TARDIS(Time And Relative Dimension In Space of Dr. Who fame) on trail; My Little Bony’s 225th anniversary; hashit was awarded to dBASED as the only birthday present he deserves. Oh, yeah. Hares. Thanked for cupcakes at Beer Check but no mention of trail was heard. This prompted Accuprick to declare this hash as being over and I do the same for this Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not allow the profound to be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose not to complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Trail 1197.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the thirteenth day of July in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe