Toying,

And not the pleasurable type either. While the pack kindly donated a multitude of gifts for those children growing up less fortunate than did you or I, hare-pair Occasional Rapist and dBASED availed themselves of our kind-hearted nature to jerk us through Soquel Village, a graveyard both dark and dreary and a muddy field. Details to follow.

This December debacle originated at J. J.’s Saloon and Social Club in the center of Soquel Village. This is a long time watering hole in these here parts, it’s reputation rivaled only by that of Sir Froggy’s Pub across the street. The clan commandeered a considerable quantity of tables, one of which became a storage facility for a growing number of toys which would eventually find their way to the Salvation Army. The first hare appeared around 6:25 dispelling the rumor that trail was so incompetent the hares had opted to not show for this hash. Around 6:40, the second hare having sheepishly appeared, Instructions of Trail were related.

With only a few hounds listening, co-hare dBASED informs us trail will now start from Redz Hair Design on Porter Street. This business was formerly owned by our own Summer’s Yeast. Rumor Central has advanced possible reasons for her selling this fine establishment but since moral issues and sex play a prominent role in these rumors, I will not commit them to the official record. Hares out.

The party resumed with only a slight hiccup. As the seven o’clock hour approached, it dawned on co-GM Cumz Out My Nose, she should consider calling for Circleup for Introductions. Her action resulted in hearing from the following: Snake Me Anywhere, Clearly Not A Hooker, Wicked Retahted, Circle Gherkin’, Virgin Bryan, TIMMY!!, Steamy Baanorrhea, Princess Di(arrhea), Thmp-Thmp, Flours for Anal Bum, Virgin Patricia, Virgin Slim, Rubik’s Pube, Jersey Lunchbox, Just Ning, Cum You Will Not and Puff the Magic Drag Queen. This week’s canine contingency was Swamp Rat, Junk Puncher and Spot’d Dick. Pack away.

This was the shortest trail in world history. We crossed Porter Street to Redz. Once to Redz, the toys were deposited in the barrel in the narthex, we continued to flood into the interior and met the new owner whom had a large plate of cookies for us to munch. She appreciated the toy delivery which would make her a hero with the Salvation Army and we appreciated being fed delicious homemade cookies. All in all, an equitable trade I believe all would agree. Now, for the second time on this hash, the pack outed again.

A check in front of Redz pointed the pod back across Porter Street and on-right but only for a short distance. We took an on-left onto the Heart of Soquel Parkway which motivates behind Soquel Elementary School, over Soquel Creek to East Walnut Street and a check. Trail was discovered on-up East Walnut and on-left on Center Street which involved the dangerous crossing of Soquel Drive. Hares don’t care.

Center Street eventually makes an on-left and morphs into Bridge Street. Why Bridge Street? Well, there’s a bridge imminently in your future. Once across said bridge, we were directed on-right on Paper Mill Road and then on-left on O’Neill Lane and then to undertake the dangerous crossing of Old San Jose Road. Hares don’t care. Safely across, we were pointed on-right but again, only for a short distance. Soon we were coerced into crossing Old San Jose Road again and into…a cemetery! We entered Soquel Cemetery on the south side and proceeded north through Beit Olam Cemetery, the Jewish section, also known as Eternal Home Cemetery. Mercifully not too muddy but this grace was compensated for by creepy shadows and a lessening of marker the deeper we dug. So to speak. Eventually as headstones gave way to trees, we were pointed back to Old San Jose Road and forced into another dangerous crossing thereof. Hares don’t care.

Once across Old San Jose Road intact, it was on-right, again for a short distance, before being directed on-left onto Hilltop Road. The very first on-left, Cindy Lane, is a Christmas light-lovers dream. Every house on the street is as brightly lit as Broadway on opening night of a hit play. And we know this because? Because we could see it as trail callously passed it by continuing on-up Hilltop Road. However, like moth to a flame, the walker contingency including Thmp-Thmp, Princess Di(arrhea), Rubik’s Pube, Flours, Circle Gherkin’ and Just Ning were suckered into walking the street to take in the sights and hoping for a way out. Wrong! They had to reverse course and rejoin true trail. This threw them far behind the pack and made many think they were completely lost. They DID manage to find Beer Check though.

Back to trail.

Two street past Cindy Lane, Valera Drive, we were directed on-left. At the end of this street, we transitioned into Anna Jean Cummings Park, AKA Blue Balls Park, and on-right onto a track surrounding the football field. Then it was across the parking lot onto a muddy patch leading onto Soquel High School, past the baseball field and past a huge pile of discarded outdoor flood lights. What was THAT all about?!? Trail continued along a dirt road past the swimming pool where training activities were still taking place. We then wove our way around and through a huge garden and flower plot the kids are tending. Then it was on-right and on-down to merge with a paved path leading into the backside of the parking lot for Hope Church. (Trivia: this building was the original home of Frenchy’s) It was here the hares staged Beer Check.

After the Christmas light-viewing lost dogs stumbled in and partook, the pack migrated back to Heart of Soquel Park, usual location, for Religion. dBASED assumed the reins and here’s a sampling of down-downs issued: Puff for not giving a Chalk Talk to the Virgin, Jersey Lunchbox for missing a back check mark the size of a manhole cover, Clearly Not A Hooker who said she’d do Eagle trail them wimped out, backslider down-downs for Princess Di(arrhea) and (current) husband Thmp-Thmp. Oh, the hare-pair. We thanked them for arranging for the cookies but could find little else we liked about trail. We then persuaded co-hare and RA dBASED to let his people go! And he did. And there was much rejoicing. I, too, hereby release you from this week’s Trash.

The preceding was a factual accounting of actual events though possibly not as they actually occurred. One should never allow the facts to stand in the way of a good story. Do not let the profound be the enemy of the interesting.

A Scribe’s sole purpose is to provide entertainment to their kennel mates. Whether or not they are successful in this endeavor is still a subject open to debate.

I chose to not complicate this Hash Trash with facts thereby allowing me to extract almost any end I desired. It was with this motive in mind I recounted the events that comprised Hash Twelve-21.

By Special Appointment of His Royal Majesty ‘G’, this Hash Trash has been compiled and printed by permission of no one other than the author at Santa Cruz, Ca., or elsewhere if need be, on this, the seventh day of December in the year of our Hash two-thousand twenty-two.

Submitted with all respect due,

Puff

the

Magic Drag Queen

Surf City H3 Scribe